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37 M Berkeley, CA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 18
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Has kids
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
male but not extremely so
a jack of many trades
a very cuddly monkey
a lover, not a fighter.

I want to get some of the "what I'm looking for" stuff out of the way right off the bat. I am open to many forms of connection, but am most interested in sexual friendships, i.e. meaningful sexual relationships with people I also connect with in other ways. I feel that kind of relationship can evolve in either direction -- I can do "friends first and see what happens", and I can also do "I'm attracted to you and I sense friend potential, so let's make out."

I’m in a long-term open relationship with a partner whom I adore. We have a baby. I have a part-time job and a part-time self-employment practice and a hobby and... you get the idea. I'm busy. So I'm looking for meaningful relationships that don't require a high time commitment.
What I’m doing with my life
Being a parent.
Making music.
Trying to bootstrap a sex/intimacy coaching practice.
Writing software part-time to pay the bills.
I’m really good at
Touch! When I was in massage school I got a lot of positive feedback on the quality of my touch. I also have formal education in erotic bodywork.

I’m good at sitting with people, being present, listening, etc. I like real conversation about matters of personal importance. I really value authenticity and vulnerability, and am actively working on breaking down the impulse to hide myself that I learned in my youth.

I’ve been playing and writing music since childhood. I’m a passably good saxophonist and jazz improviser, and I like to mix/bend genres in my writing.

I enjoy taking candid photos of my friends and family being their adorable selves.

I've worked for many years as a software engineer, several of them at a tiny nonprofit and several at a very successful company you've probably heard of. I’m not super into programming these days, but I am a good coder and I still do it part time to pay the bills.

In the bedroom, I'm really good at giving myself over to varying simultaneous combinations of {lust pleasure desire connection aggression tenderness love ferocity heartfulness}.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I don't know if I can name favorites. Last year I read Mieville's _Embassytown_, which was great, and Slattery's _Liberation_, which I loved. Another recentish read that I loved was _Expect Resistance_.

I love all sorts of music. I don't think there's a genre I don't like. I am, however, fiercely opinionated about individual artists or songs/works. A smattering of artists that have made a strong impression on me: Stravinsky, Fred Hersch, Tori Amos, Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Tin Hat Trio, Sting, NIN, Bartok.

I'm not super into film - I can enjoy a good movie but I also find them kind of exhausting to watch. I have never owned a television but my housemate has a projector with a huge screen.

Indian, Mexican, Italian are some perennial fave cuisines. I love a good burger, but also often eat vegetarian.
The six things I could never do without
I'm passionate about:
- Touch, affection, and all sorts of pleasure
- Communication, authenticity, and vulnerability
- Creativity in general
- Music in particular
- Tasty food

That's only five! Or is it nine?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What do I want out of life? Who am I? And how much stock do I place in the whole "be true to yourself" narrative of western individualist culture, anyway?

Does meditation make me more equanimous, or just more self-conscious? And is it possible to be a hedonist and a buddhist at the same time?

How do we know what we know? Are my (or your) beliefs justified?
On a typical Friday night I am
Maybe out dancing.
Maybe hanging out with my housemates at home.
Or maybe having an early bedtime after putting the baby to bed.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've had fun playing with men, but I've yet to find a guy who I'm really viscerally attracted to. I don't know whether this means that I'm straighter than I want to be, or whether it means I haven't made out with enough men.

Along similar lines: I would like to call myself queer, but I have trouble feeling like I deserve my queer card, given how cis/straight I act so much of the time. Having said that, my 5-year-old daughter recently drew a picture of me wearing a skirt - I definitely don't hew that closely to society's notion of an ideal man.
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi guys
  • Ages 20–50
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You want to have a conversation about psychology, sexuality, relationships, epistemology... or whatever is meaningful to you.

You noticed the bit about what I'm looking for and my time constraints and are still interested.

Or if you want a saxophonist for your funky genre-bending band, you should definitely message me. :)