Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
If you were my best friend you would say I'm the funniest guy you
If you were my convenience store clerk, you would ask me for I.d.
and normally id be flattered but I forgot my I.d. again.
But when I come back with my I.d., you'll say , "wtf! You are 35?!"
And normally, i'd be flattered, but you just made me go all the way
back home! Jeez! And thanks! =)
If you are anything like my ex-roommate, you would have moved out a
month ago and now you miss my cheesy jokes. And I would say "check
the fridge in the dairy drawer!" (Ba doom boom, crash!)
And if you were a cricket you would make cricket noises... and I
would say "get it? cheesy jokes? Dairy drawer?? Eh? Anyone? No?
If you were an ex girlfriend of mine, you are probably way too hot
for me but you fell in love with my charm or my sense of humor and
my confidence, and my ability to give the best back massage you've
ever had, and you would have told me that I was the first guy to
get you off in bed. I knew you were probably lying but I
appreciated the compliment anyway. =)
If you are the next girl I make out with, you will probably have
been drinking, and you might be sore from laughing. And if I had a
lawyer or a legal department they would say "prolonged periods of
intense laughter may have certain blah blah Bob Oblaw Law Blog
something something or whatever... I don't have a lawyer.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
This is what I do for a living: I get you drunk, then teach you how
I love my job!
Check out liveartbydavina.com for more deets
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm really BAD at judging whether I am supposed to keep holding the
door open for someone based on how far away they are.
I'm really GOOD at:
finding the silver lining,
giving advice (not very good at taking my own yet),
Discussions about astro physics,
making ramen noodles,
my magical instantly dissappearing taco bell burrito trick,
reaching things on the top of other things,
figuring stuff out WITHOUT reading the owner's manual,
returning merchandise to the store and telling them its defective
because I followed the owner's manual and now it doesn't
writing 3 page essays in guinness book of world records'
worthy short spans of time,
And answering "yes" to your option A or option B question.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My neighbor noticed that I was wearing flip flops in the
Sometimes people notice that I've been staring at them, murmuring
agitatedly, and now I'm angrily writing something on my
Other drivers on the road sometimes notice that I've been in this
lane the whole time even though they are now merging into it.
A whole group of people once noticed that I thought I knew them but
I didnt. It was dark ok?
A couple times they've noticed that I have absolutely NO idea that
I've randomly chosen to get a drink at a gay bar.
More often than I'm comfortable with, they notice that I've walked
in the door. Then they remember that they work at wal-mart as a
door greeter person, so now they have to say "hello" to me
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I am currently reading A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE - reinventing
physics from the bottom down. I also have a copy of the unabridged
edgar allen poe that I borrowed from a public library back when I
was 12. I plan to keep it in the family so that in 150+ years from
now, my great great great grandchildren/neice/nephew will be stuck
with the LARGEST late fee of all time. GUINNESS BOOK style!
Movies: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, wristcutters, hero,
tron legacy, pan's labyrinth, crouching tiger hidden dragon, howl's
moving castle, waking life... uh... let me get back to you
Music: I feel like this is the only appropriate time to shamelessly
plug my own music: my (one-person) band is called I am this. And
Unless you live in France, Germany, or Russia, it's improbable that
you've heard my music. But feel free to look it up or aske about
My musical influences are:
aphex twin, squarepusher, meshuggah, nothingface, almost anything
that's dubstep as long as it has that womp womp Waaaaahhh stuff
happenin in it (I'm only half kidding there... But which half am I
kidding about? Hmmmm... sneaker pimps, massive attack, portishead,
and um... there's more I promise...
Food: I was a vegetarian for 13 years and now I'm back with a
semi-guilty but mostly yummy vengance.
T.V.- I was in a long-term relationship with T.V. until the buffy
the vampire slayer series ended. Since then I HAVE spoken to T.V.
but its only been small talk. I don't see us ever being an item
again, even though though we had a short lived fling back when
scrubs was still cool. But we were just lonely. I heard that T.V.
is doing well and I wish it the best. 8..)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
New, innovative music. Wine in boxes. Painting. Stumbleupon. Giant
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
If a person tends to procrastinate, does that make them a
Ok how did the circulatory system of a dinosaur work? I mean its
hard enough to get decent water pressure just on the second floor
of some buildings, let alone constantly pump enough blood to
nessessitate an entire dinosaur!
How the hell does a computer work, exactly? I know how binary code
works, (I'm a math major) but I don't understand how an electron
passing through some complexity of wires makes a computer do what
it does. I'm sure ill find out some day...
My creative non-fiction instructor said that certain words caused a
viceral reaction to hearing them- words that make her puke.
Strange, I thought, until I realized that i have some as well:
juice box; moist; cocktail; hot pocket; dictate; superb; horny;
I've never had coffee in my life. Ever. Is it good? Or do people
drink it because they are hopelessly addicted to it like tobacco or
If you can get SALMONELLA from fish, can you get CHICKENELLA from
Star fish are the baddest assest animals on the planet! Some people
figured out that if they film star fish in time lapse, the star
fish actually do all kinds of cool shit! They have territorial
battles (and when they fight, they HUG! <3). They also show
evidence of having some kind of pre-cognitive sense! AND if a star
fish never leaves the water, it will LIVE FOREVER! They have no
definable LIFE SPAN! Crazy!
Ok and speaking of animals, prarie dogs are the cutest things EVER.
And apparently they also have the most complex language system in
the animal kingdom. Does that mean that a prarie dog from, say,
Texas, would have a texan LANGUAGE?
And dolphins are almost as smart as humans, right? Why don't
dolphins ever build stuff? When I was a kid, I was almost as smart
as a human, and I made forts and stuff like all the time! Why don't
dolphins step up and build some shit?
Soup. Do you EAT soup? Or do you DRINK soup?
Would a regular-sized doberman pincher think that a miniture
pincher of the opposite sex is sexy?
If I was a professional breeder of dogs, I would cross breed a
doberman and a boxer, and I would call it a PUNCHER!! LMFAO! Get
it? Oh man that was a good one!
Why the hell did they have to give the number PI its name? I have
trouble expressing my astonishment and respect for PI because I'm
always thinking that it sounds like I'm talking about PIE. Which
can be very delicious! =)
How can sriracha hot sauce be so good on so many things? Its even
good on ice cream. The wierdest part is that its not all that good
RIGHT AWAY. But as SOON as you swallow whatever has sriracha hot
sauce on it, you want some more like RIGHT NOW.
My favorite sriracha trick goes like this:
Triscuit + easy cheese + sriracha
OMFG so good.
Why did they put the letter S in the word "lisp"? That's kinda
cruel! They should spell it LISTHP.
If it is possible to have cilicone-based life (as compared to
carbon based) then why hasn't it existed on earth yet?
ok cavemen had no shoes. I stubbed my toe on a rock the other day
in my bare feet. fuck that! I'm glad I'm not a cave man.
Why do my socks dissappear in the dryer? I'm missing probably 10 or
20 pounds of socks collectively over my life time. Are sock
companies making every few socks dissolve in water so that we come
back to buy more?
You know how when you try to open a dvd case and there are those
two little tabs that you need to do first? Are those REALLY
necessary? Fuck that! Just tear those muther fuckers off!
Wow the pockets of my hoodie are EXTREMELY ineffective.
Hoodie pockets would be an awesome band name!
"Hey who's playing at the green room tonight?"
"Never heard of them but they sound rad!"
"Me neither, and I agree! Let's go together!"
"Dude. I told you before, I'm not into guys."
"Fine! Buy your own damn drinks then!"
"Hey, wait a second, you never said anything about free
I had this neighbor, Bruce, who was like 70 years old and had a
weiner dog that he always carried everywhere- crazy dog guy, Bruce.
I wonder if he met a nice crazy cat lady. Do they get along well?
Does the whole cat vs dog thing drive a divider between them, or
does it create that tension or that spark that makes the romance
sizzle? (Shudder) ok let's not think about that again.
Why am I so incredibly bad at landing high fives? I helped my
neighbor get her car out of the snow the other day and I missed the
high five so bad that I got stuck in a REALLY akward hug situation.
Is there a high five support group or maybe a 1 credit high
fivitory science class that will allow me to learn more about, and
practice my high fiving skills?
But then I think something like "hmmm... I don't think any girls
are going to read this much about what I'm thinking..." so I stop
writing about it.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Spending a lot of time thinking about stuff.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
When I hear a new song that I like, I will most likely get the
lyrics wrong and sing along with my wrong lyrics.
That one song by gwen stefani that goes "there ain't no holla back
I thought she was saying "there ain't no harlem black girl!"
Ok I have just been informed that my "correct" version of those
lyrics are still incorrect. But I'm gonna go ahead and leave it
like that just to demonstrate the true power of my lyrical
Oh and I have a total hetro man-crush on the aldus snow character
from "get him to the greek"
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You should message me if you can think of any reason NOT to message
Or if you want to meet a guy who is pleasantly different. I'm nice,
but I'm not "the nice guy" because the nice guy kinda creeps me
Regardless of romantic possibilities or lack thereof, I'm always
looking for more friends, with no expectations.
Seriously. I need a drinkin buddy! =D
Message me if you want to hang out with someone who won't expect
anything from you, won't obsess over you, won't stalk you, and
won't say "WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT??" when you answer your phone.
Unless its hilarious.
OR if you want to have an elaborate hand shake team mate! =D
so like when we see eachother we go:
High 5, low 5, backwards high 5 to invisible joint puff-and-toss,
hip bump left, hip bump right, wink and gun with "kablammo" noise,
spinning over-head invisible lasso while saying "woo" like cowboy,
hug with euro-cheek kisses to attempted-ass grab block and air-slap
Finally, I would like to thank you for reading my entire profile. I
know its long, but epicly entertaining.
Who are you looking for?
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