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bethanysays

23 F Austin, TX

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 7:08pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
5′ 3″ (1.60m)
Body Type
Diet
Strictly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I cannot touch you like a human woman can, but I can show you things that human eyes were never meant to see.

I was born in Southern California under admittedly inauspicious circumstances, but garnered acclaim for myself within mere months of arriving on the planet through my convincing performance as Baby Jesus in our church's nativity play. I have no memory of the occasion, but my mother has always maintained that I looked so like a doll that the audience gasped when I moved my arm. Yada yada yada, 21 years later I graduated from UT Austin with majors in Philosophy and English and encyclopedic carnal knowledge. I now work in publishing.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to be nice to people, avoiding eating fat, reading a good book every now and then, getting some walking in, and trying to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

Just trying to find my porpoise.
I’m really good at
driving a car and you know what
The first things people usually notice about me
My mind reading ability, which is apparent to them as soon as we meet from the uncomfortable sensation they experience as I sift through the formerly private recesses of their consciousness to ascertain what they're noticing about me. Yes, I am a skilled Legilimens.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Arabian Nights
Moby-Dick
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
A Moveable Feast
The Great Gatsby
Slaughterhouse-Five
Les Miserables
The Mysteries of Udolpho
Clarissa
Mrs. Dalloway
Middlemarch

The Sound of Music
The Royal Tenenbaums
Scenes from a Marriage

Monty Python's Flying Circus
Peep Show

The Beatles; The Smiths; The Velvet Underground; Van Morrison

and anything spicy.
On a typical Friday night I am
doing things with chainsaws at Tupperware parties.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
In the fourth grade, I was cast as the Virgin Mary in our school nativity play, but on the day of the show I threw up in front of my whole class and had to go home early.

Thus ignobly was I cheated of the opportunity to perform the roles both of the precious Christ child and the Mother of God in my humble lifetime.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 20–30
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
I thought I was too busy for this website, but, after suffering the recent loss of my favorite fuck buddy to the dubious institution of monogamy, I've taken a hard look at my existence and the various ways I cheat the abyss and realized that I need someone new in my life to fill the void. Specifically, the Sunday night sex void, with room for advancement into weekday pre-work morning sex.

I used to seek a funny, charming, literary, feminist type to fill these and related offices, but a long series of disappointments has left me with few illusions to cling to regarding your debased gender. I now encourage all whose profile lacks a mirror selfie to apply.