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bigfootjam

41 M Fairfield, CA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 7:37pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Other
Sign
Aries
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Has dogs
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
I am an outgoing person that spends most of his time on the computer looking for dates. I am a chronic conspiracy theorist that believes the politics in this country is scripted and those we elect into office simply play soap opera characters when they are in front of cameras, then excuse themselves into a back room to have money fights in a Scrooge McDuck like bank vault. I frequently spend hours face-timing with dolphins. I never wear tin foil hats because they only amplify the aliens radio frequencies. I am not allergic to shellfish, and neither are you.
What I’m doing with my life
Next year I will take over the Human Genome Project and finish it 10 years ahead of schedule.

I was the first pilot to fly the space shuttle to the moon earlier this year.

Fulfilling the dream of having the world's longest nose hairs.

Trying to find the best way to fit my knee into my mouth. Back of the knee first?.
I’m really good at
-swimming
-making up stories
-SCUBA
-hiking
-making love on horseback while galloping down the side of an erupting volcano
-jumping out of planes
-making people laugh while I lay in the fetal position crying
-making you feel just a little creepy
The first things people usually notice about me
I have a horn (yes it's all natural) on the right side of my head.

My butt crack is horizontal

NEW CATEGORY: THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MY PENIS
-He's smaller than he looks on TV (#Foxnews)
-He enjoys the Ellen Show
-He's a little racist. Doesn't like Australians.
-He gets painfully hard if there's butterscotch pudding within 200 meters.
-He is really a she.
-He likes to be massaged with the inside of my nose.
The six things I could never do without
flamboyant raccoons
My breast implants
mocking the special olympics
my giant ball of used napkins
My Milli/Vanilli life size poster (blame it on the sexiness!)
The roll of toilet paper I chew on
before I go to sleep
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Belly button lint and how it got in my mouth.
On a typical Friday night I am
Playing cat rodeo and dog detective with my imaginary friend who thinks I'm gay.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I was a Combat Controller while I was in the Air Force. Google it if you're interested.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 30–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
-you would like to see my "pees like a real little girl" doll collection

-you like to take long moonlit walks in the middle of nowhere just to be abandoned

-you are emotionally unavailable

-you have prosthetic pinky toes

-your eyes are set too close together and enjoy having the nickname cyclops