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bigjrizz

29 M Seymour, IN

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 5:35pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Agnosticism
Sign
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
University
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)

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My self-summary
First off, as you will soon find out, I am a little weird. I also have no desire to write this profile so that I look as normal as possible on an online dating site, since the very idea of this is an oxymoron.

I'm thin, overly confident, self-effacing, competitive, strong-willed, goofier than all hell and 100% honest almost all the time.

If you look at my pictures and can't immediately tell I don't take myself seriously, you aren't going to get the rest of this.

I believe the only person that should smell your cologne is the ONE person you want to smell your cologne.

I like to read, write, learn, draw, sing, think, and tell stories. I surround myself with people who do the same, and it is the happiest thing to me to share that fellowship.

I hold doors, pay for dates, and I am nice to waiters. If I did not do those three things I would not consider myself suitable to date women.

I completely understand two cardinal rules of OKCupid: First, attraction requires proximity, and you cannot be truly attracted to someone until you meet them. Two, you are liable to meet one person per year on this site who is adequate in the required departments for you to consider dating them. Thinking of it that way makes this such a less depressing environment.

Shirtless pictures by request; i.e. you click on the photos tab.
What I’m doing with my life
Adapting a screenplay.
Writing a spoken-word act in which I am a cat.
"Writing" instead of "being a writer."
Practicing a drama-free lifestyle.
I’m really good at
Complete sentences
OKCupid profiles
Modesty
Zero Trans Fat
Whistling
Spades
Drawing pictures of patriotic walruses dry-horking the national anthem.
The first things people usually notice about me
Hopefully, on this website, the difference between me and everyone else...

Generic OKCupid guy: u r hott. wanna meet up?
Me: I enjoy reading, doing push-ups, and telling my horse she is a good girl. Any takers?

GOKCG: wowwww ur boobs....
Me: Ahhh, a fine cabernet.

GOKCG: i saw ur pics... i am looking for some nsa and i saw you were bi so maybe you can talk to 1 of ur friends...
Me: No, I totally understand why you would want to be bi... Guys suck really bad at sex, that's why I quit even trying.

GOKCG: me and my wife were looking through this sight (sic) and we think u r hott. msg us back if interested
Me: My friend Patrick and I were rifling through our fridge the other day and we found some things and now our apartment smells better. Message me if you want to come over now.

GOKCG: i am 9 inchs hung on cam txt or msg me if intrested.
Me: I can comb my hair lots of different ways; message me if this somehow interests you.

GOKCG: u r hoooottttttt.....
Me: Tell me confedibles is a bad idea! TELL me confetti you can eat is a bad idea!!!

GOKCG: can i borrow a dollar?
Me: That dollar you have there... Is that a 1921 original print? Let me see it...

GOKCG: i want to take your temperature with my meat thermometer
Me: Wow... Your boobs. Are those your boobs?

For the record, only one of the above comments by GOKCG is fabricated. The rest are taken verbatim from the inboxes of female friends of mine. The worst part about it is that that other dude gets wayyyy more play than me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I absolutely consume all sorts of media/food.

If you want to talk about books, I've definitely read something on your list.

I've seen every good movie.

I watch all the 2.7% of TV that isn't just a travesty.

But if I list it all, you'll look at the bands I like, focus on the one or two you absolutely hate, and think I have poor taste. That's what I do.
The six things I could never do without
The Six Things People Should Not Be Allowed to List in this Section:

1. Music- This is where I had mine listed, along with everyone else. If you don't like music as a concept, you probably have tremendous difficulty getting laid, never mind the fact you are on an online dating site.

2. Macaroni and Cheese- I agree that macaroni and cheese is also a fairly fundamental aspect of life that I tend to take for granted, but in the corollary to the above statement, if you value cheese sauce-coated pasta as one of the top six things in your life, you are going to have difficulty holding on to a relationship.

3. Sex- If you are a guy and you put this on your profile, you don't understand yet that girls don't like it when you try so hard. If you are a girl and put this on your profile, it means you don't realize you don't have to try at all.

4. Your cat- I know you love your cat, but what if we start dating, your cat craps in my shoe, and I have to put it in the blender? (The cat, not the tainted shoe) Would you stand by me? Or choose the cat? Important question.

5. Sleep- This, again, falls under the basic guideline of "would I want to date someone who DID NOT need sleep?" That's how you end up on Team Edward, ladies. And I don't mean Edward James Olmos, though his vampiric nature is also in question.

6. Netflix- I have to admit I love Netflix. Just two thoughts:
A. 5 years ago, you were around and Netflix wasn't. If that is not true, please put your mommy on the computer.
B. It's really cool to share your Netflix password with someone; not so much to see what the other person is watching, but to find out that results of the combination of your two tastes are the terrifying, nuanced predilections of a madman.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
comedy, jokes, yuks, and funnies. I am certainly a member of my generation insofar as laughter is just about my only coping mechanism.
On a typical Friday night I am
I pledge never to be so predictable that I have a "typical" Friday night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have no idea how to play the game these douchebags are winning.

I dig it when chicks read my profile.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–30
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Eh... No ifs, just yet. This reeks of commitment and pressure, the two biggest turn-offs at this early juncture of our budding relationship.