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30 Seymour, IN Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–30
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 3:30pm
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body type
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Art / Music / Writing
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
First off, as you will soon find out, I am a little weird. I also have no desire to write this profile so that I look as normal as possible on an online dating site, since the very idea of this is an oxymoron.

Everyone thinks they are funny, and everyone thinks they are smart, but in my case, people agree with me.

If you look at my pictures and can't immediately tell I don't take myself seriously, you aren't going to get the rest of this.

I believe the only person that should smell your cologne is the ONE person you want to smell your cologne.

I like to read, write, learn, draw, sing, think, and tell stories. I surround myself with people who do the same, and it is the happiest thing to me to share that fellowship.

I hold doors, pay for dates, and I am nice to waiters. If I did not do those three things I would not consider myself suitable to date women.

I completely understand two cardinal rules of OKCupid: First, attraction requires proximity, and you cannot be truly attracted to someone until you meet them. Two, you are liable to meet one person per year on this site who is adequate in the required departments for you to consider dating them. Thinking of it that way makes this such a less depressing environment.

Shirtless pictures by request; i.e. you click on the photos tab.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Adapting a screenplay.
Writing a spoken-word act in which I am a cat.
"Writing" instead of "being a writer."
Practicing a drama-free lifestyle.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Expressing myself clearly
OkCupid profiles
Spelling and Grammar
Rudely declining the first wine presented
I hope singing and dancing for everyone else's sake, because I'm not stopping.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Hopefully, on this website, the difference between me and everyone else...

Generic OKCupid guy: u r hott. wanna meet up?
Me: I enjoy reading, doing push-ups, and telling my horse she is a good girl. Any takers?

GOKCG: wowwww ur boobs....
Me: Ahhh, a fine cabernet.

GOKCG: i saw ur pics... i am looking for some nsa and i saw you were bi so maybe you can talk to 1 of ur friends...
Me: No, I totally understand why you would want to be bi... Guys suck really bad at sex, that's why I quit even trying.

GOKCG: me and my wife were looking through this sight (sic) and we think u r hott. msg us back if interested
Me: My friend Patrick and I were rifling through our fridge the other day and we found some things and now our apartment smells better. Message me if you want to come over now.

GOKCG: i am 9 inchs hung on cam txt or msg me if intrested.
Me: I can comb my hair lots of different ways; message me if this somehow interests you.

GOKCG: u r hoooottttttt.....
Me: Tell me confedibles is a bad idea! TELL me confetti you can eat is a bad idea!!!

GOKCG: can i borrow a dollar?
Me: That dollar you have there... Is that a 1921 original print? Let me see it...

GOKCG: i want to take your temperature with my meat thermometer
Me: Wow... Your boobs. Are those your boobs?

For the record, only one of the above comments by GOKCG is fabricated. The rest are taken verbatim from the inboxes of female friends of mine. The worst part about it is that that other dude gets wayyyy more play than me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: The Fountainhead, On Chesil Beach, Blood Meridian, Infinite Jest, A Song of Ice and Fire, (Game of Thrones) For Whom the Bell Tolls and The Old Man and the Sea, many, many others.

Movies: Silence of the Lambs, Pulp Fiction, There Will Be Blood, The Godfather I and II, Training Day, Silver Linings Playbook, The Shining, A Clockwork Orange, 2001, Her, Dumb and Dumber

TV: Breaking Bad, The Wire, Deadwood, True Detective, Game of Thrones, Archer, Louie, Black Mirror

Music: I am going to describe this in the most pretentious possible way, so be prepared.

For me, the perfect musical experience is a salad, not a soup. It contains Elton John's pop sensibilities and old time rock-and-roll, The Killers' huge sweeping brass-balls choruses, the idiosyncrasy of Lorde or Jack White, the mind-numbing talent of Queen, the minimal talent and craftsmanship of the Hold Steady, the blood-boiling self-revelation of REM, the blood-freezing self-reflection of Ryan Adams, the smoothness and adaptability of Sublime, the aggressiveness and invasiveness of Mastodon, all composed by Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys.

I love, love, love music.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
The Six Things People Should Not Be Allowed to List in this Section:

1. Music- This is where I had mine listed, along with everyone else. If you don't like music as a concept, you probably have tremendous difficulty getting laid, never mind the fact you are on an online dating site.

2. Macaroni and Cheese- I agree that macaroni and cheese is also a fairly fundamental aspect of life that I tend to take for granted, but in the corollary to the above statement, if you value cheese sauce-coated pasta as one of the top six things in your life, you are going to have difficulty holding on to a relationship.

3. Sex- If you are a guy and you put this on your profile, you don't understand yet that girls don't like it when you try so hard. If you are a girl and put this on your profile, it means you don't realize you don't have to try at all.

4. Your cat- I know you love your cat, but what if we start dating, your cat craps in my shoe, and I have to put it in the blender? (The cat, not the tainted shoe) Would you stand by me? Or choose the cat? Important question.

5. Sleep- This, again, falls under the basic guideline of "would I want to date someone who DID NOT need sleep?" That's how you end up on Team Edward, ladies. And I don't mean Edward James Olmos, though his vampiric nature is also in question.

6. Netflix- I have to admit I love Netflix. Just two thoughts:
A. 5 years ago, you were around and Netflix wasn't. If that is not true, please put your mommy on the computer.
B. It's really cool to share your Netflix password with someone; not so much to see what the other person is watching, but to find out that results of the combination of your two tastes are the terrifying, nuanced predilections of a madman.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
comedy, jokes, yuks, and funnies. I am certainly a member of my generation insofar as laughter is just about my only coping mechanism.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I pledge never to be so predictable that I have a "typical" Friday night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I like to cuddle about the same amount as a pink camo country gurl.

As far as "private" rather than "embarrassing," I would say I am a fairly open book; and will usually answer anything asked.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Eh... No ifs, just yet. This reeks of commitment and pressure, the two biggest turn-offs at this early juncture of our budding relationship.