Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome.

Sometimes I use my pant legs as a napkin. I make really good pies.

Can we all just agree that serifs are a good thing? I mean, really. You're (hopefully) at least 18. Real world = serifs.

My philosophy for life is simple: mo butta, mo betta.

I buy a big gulp (or whatever the fuck the random gas station I go to calls it) almost every night on my way home from work and take at maximum 4 sips from it before I fall asleep. I still drink it in the morning even though it's been sitting out all night because (1) I'm so god damn thirsty and (2) I'M JUST THAT BOSS.

There seems to be a lot of dinosaurs and tacos on this site. To the former: Were you guys living in caves for the last few millennia or is this like a Jurassic Park thing? To the latter: Supreme? To both: Gosh, what's it like, you know, being you?

I don't understand the question and I won't respond.

If you must know, I work in hospitality. I'm trying to develop a vegan menu for one of our restaurants, so if that's your thing, let's be friends.

Also, listening to NPR.

IPA (Fluent, [joʊ])
Eating the aforementioned pies.
Doing imitations of people you've never met.

Camo.
My beard. (Don't let anyone fool you: good beards don't just happen, they take hard work.)
I also have quite a nose.

[b] Dr. Seuss, Antonya Nelson, Joan Didion, George Orwell, Jim Grimsley, David Sedaris, Jack Kerouac, Robert Boswell, Eudora Welty, Flannery O'Connor, George Saunders, Tobias Wolff
[m] A Clockwork Orange, Weekend, Moonrise Kingdom, Stanley Kubrick, Quentin Tarantino, Woody Allen, documentaries, indie films
[s] 30 Rock, The League, South Park, Jeopardy, Arrested Development, Kitchen Nightmares
[m] Geographer, Alt-J, Alanis Morissette, Elton John, Hugh Laurie, Amy Winehouse, The Eagles, Bombay Bicycle Club, Eminem, Dre, Colt Ford, MS MR [n.b. I was a music major, so for you learned types out there: Elgar, Stanford, Beach, Quilter, Larsen, Vaughn Williams, Mahler, Piazzolla, Beethoven, Brahms]
[f] Ruffles and coleslaw, salmon, pesto scrambled eggs, pie (haven't you noticed?)

[1] pie crust (by consequence: Crisco)
[2] baseball
[3] navel oranges
[4] Ticonderoga No. 2 pencils
[5] ergonomic keyboard
[6] incense

...............smoke break...............

[-] What if Malory Archer's character is just made of sound bites from Arrested Development?
[-] Is Prince Charles' ringtone "I Just Can't Wait to be King"?
[-] What the fuck is Google+?
[-] Here's what the hell I want to know: How do you not visit a 90% match? Maybe it's just me. It's probably just me. You know, forget I said anything. Nothing to see here.

[+] Tearing into a buffalo chicken pizza like a starving predator.
[+] Reading research articles.
[+] Watching a documentary about fonts.

I <3 TSwift. What can I say? I'm feelin 22...

me = sadgirl :(

I try really hard, but I'm really bad at video games.

If you like any of these words: organist, golf, euchre, writing, cuddle, 30 Rock, pie, herb, SoCo.

If you're a tatty daddy.

If, like me, you are a massive prude.

If you are anything like me, you might be looking at this profile and saying to yourself, 'Golly, I'd really like to send him a message but idk wut 2 sayyy!' If that's the case, tell me what you like on your salad. I'm really into salads. I could talk for days about salads.

[paɾle vu ɑɪ pi eɪ]?