Essays are self-portraits that allow us to airbrush out blemishes, pimples, moles, uncorrected personality traits, and bad haircuts. I assume you want to find out what I am like and not take my profile's word for it. After all, you shouldn't believe everything you read on the 'net. The person whose picture you found pleasing enough to click on has a personality shaped by Monty Python, Looney Tunes, John Muir, Mad Magazine of the 1970’s, Richard Scarry, Dr. Seuss, Leo Tolstoy, The Clash, and Tom Robbins. I am a wanderer in search of experience. To taste, touch, and feel as much as I can before I repent.

For all of you who say you can't summarize yourself in a little box, there's your proof that it can be done.

Not treating OKC like it is LinkedIn or Flicker. I am a wise fool who usually gets it right and occasionally gets it wrong. Like you, I work, I play, I eat, and I sleep. Bikes, kites, board games, road trips, and plenty of time in natural areas is involved. As is noticing patters that involve the number 4.

The things I am good at are second nature and I don't contemplate them. How about faults? Expressing my feelings in ways that can be misconstrued, keeping in touch, planning social events, accepting praise, dispensing praise, impatience, being overly pragmatic. These lead people to say to say I am unemotional/heartless. Which is not true. I just checked and I have a beating heart in my chest. Then again, so does Dick Cheney. So I'm not sure what that proves.

is that I am Polish. Which is ironic, because I am not Polish.

This says little to nothing about one's worth as a person, but here goes. Favorite book: "Still Life with Woodpecker" by Tom Robbins. Murakami, McCabe, and Oates are favorite authors. If I have insomnia, John Irving puts me to sleep in 5 minutes.

Favorite movie: "Once Upon a Time in the West."

When asked, "if you could be anyone else who would you choose?" I inevitably choose Tom Waits. Though I don't get cranky if you take me fishing.

I love ice cream. Repeat: love ice cream. If you think me to be date-able, ask me out for ice cream and I'll grab my coat right damn now.

Dental floss, hiking boots, a pair of warm socks, my glasses (or contacts), a steady paycheck, and a quality pillow. Honorable mention to a perfectly conditioned antique cast iron skillet.

how cold my ears are after another 20-mile ride, and why the Jet Stream doesn't see fit to move its ass north a bit so I can have warm ears.

Don't you like how this question subtly implies that if you stay home on Friday to watch a movie on TCM you must be an uncool loser?

My favorite curse word is, "jesusjumpingchristfuck."

Oh, and I wear reading glasses.

Oh, and I'm the only person on the North Shore who doesn't own a "The North Face" jacket.

Frankly, I cannot think of a good reason not to. (Hey, I used a double negative! My English teachers would be so proud.) The stars are nice and all, but if you thought enough of me to give me stars, pease send a message. That woud be swell.

You want to recommend a book to me or go out for a falafel sandwich.

You can spot the obscure music reference.

You have an idea to do something spontaneous or out of the ordinary and want to ask someone who will likely say "yes".