The cliché approach to this essay is to complain about how difficult it is to self-summarize. Furthermore, it's cliché to even mention the cliché. Or to mention the cliché that's the cliché that's the cliché that's the . . . well, a lot of recursion. Since clichés are ++ungood, have a few random facts, instead:

* If you'd like to get me to roll my eyes on cue, simply mention astrology. I can't help myself. When you ask "What's your sign?", what I hear is "Have you had a lobotomy as well?"

* I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000 even though I thought he'd make a terrible president. It was a foregone conclusion my state was going to Bush, so I thought, what the hell.

* I believe open-mindedness untempered by skepticism is indistinguishable from stupidity. It is better to be accepting than not, but always question.

* I root for the zombies.

* Though currently inactive, I am a Wikipedia administrator. It's one of the Internet's greatest achievements, but it's taught me that the two favorite words of adolescent vandals are "gay" and "poop". Usually in all caps. Also, there are a lot of very crazy people in this world.

* I do not have a favorite color. In fact, I find the whole idea rather odd. I usually say red when asked, since people expect an answer, but in truth I couldn't care less. No, I am not color blind.

* I am not sloppy, but I am cluttered. Okay. Very cluttered.

* I play video games on a Macintosh and haven't owned a console since the Atari 2600.

* Public tantrums are for 2-year-olds. That so many adults do it makes me think soylent green wouldn't be such a bad idea.

* I have very mixed feelings about children. It bothers me that those with whom I disagree the most are the ones who have the largest families. With the world awash in violent religious mania, we need fewer of this sort, not more. It seems as if I should be trying to even out the numbers, so to speak, but I've never related well to children and doubt my competency as a parent.

* Que sera, sera.

I am wry, incredulous, and reserved.

I'm a Macintosh geek, and, to my everlasting gratitude, my employer even pays me to be one. I live in a university town, have a small circle of friends, and play on my computers too much. Boring, but when you're over 30, that's allowed. Occasionally. I am once again an addict of World of Warcraft, which is kind of a bummer, since it does eat up a lot my free time. I'd actually managed to kick the habit for about a year, but my guildmates lured me back in.

I'm a problem solver, and pretty good researcher. Props go to Google and Wikipedia for that. I'm a wannabe renaissance man (aka nerd).

Good question. I'll have to ask them. I hope it's not the tentacles, though. The mothership told me I was supposed to be inconspicuous.

(a) Anything by Terry Pratchett, Dan Simmons, Vernor Vinge, George R.R. Martin, David Brin, Lois McMaster Bujold, Glen Cook, or Neal Stephenson. They're the ones I can think of off the top of my head, anyway. Being a geek, of course, I'm a science fiction nut, and I like fantasy and horror as well. I read a great many webcomics, but very few printed ones. However, my friends got me hooked on Preacher, Concrete, and The Watchmen. Good stuff. I also like William Shakespeare. Once you grok the Elizabethan English and learn the in-jokes, he's hilarious.

(b) Anything by Hayao Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli. Anything. Miyazaki could make a film about accounting and I'd not only watch it, but love it. Also, the Coen Brothers and Ridley Scott's earlier stuff (Blade Runner!). I grew up on the Star Wars films and love them even though the prequels aren't as good. Samuel L. Jackson is the coolest man alive, so even when he's in a movie that sucks, I'll go see it.

Since there's no section for the small screen, I'd like to add that Farscape was the greatest TV show ever produced. Damn you Sci Fi Channel. Damn you to hell.

(c) I love Enya, Billy Joel, POE, Yoko Kanno, Morcheeba (not so much post-Skye Edwards), and pretty much everything on the Radio Paradise playlist. Pop music in general is annoying, and I'm either too white or not white enough for most hip hop and country. Beyond that, I'm not too critical. In fact, I am a music philistine. If all the music in the world disappeared, I'd be sad, but I'd also survive. I hate it when an OkCupid test tries to determine the essence of your being by asking you which musician you like the best. Much of the time I haven't heard of any of the choices!

(d) Food just isn't something I put much thought into. Sadly, my palate is stereotypically American. It's not that I won't try other things, but, yes, I do go to McDonalds, and, yes, sometimes I like it. I don't like seafood of any kind, though. Whether it's sushi, seaweed, shrimp, or salmon, it all tastes unspeakably foul to me. I'm not sure why that is, but there seems to be something common to all aquatic life that just does not react well with my tastebuds. Except for chunk tuna fish. I love that stuff (no comment).

Since this is a dating site, I assume you're supposed to list "sex" for the first five and Jello for the last. Admittedly, that doesn't sound like an entirely bad idea, but instead I'll say oxygen, shelter, sustenance, electricity, an Internet connection, and my MacBook Pro. With Google as my co-pilot I'll certainly be able to take care of the rest.

(Yes, I'm aware that's a cop-out. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.)

* All kinds of things, and nothing. Blame the Y chromosome.

* I've been thoroughly enjoying Paul Chadwick's Concrete series. It's an adult comic, but not in the same vein as Sin City or hentai. Rather, it's about how a normal guy lives his life after finding himself in a 1200 pound body made of stone. If I'd read it as a teenager it would've gone over my head and bored me to tears.

* I am sick and tired of test results that exhort me to "loosen up". (By the way, if you have written one of these, you are officially brain damaged.)

* I wonder who thought up the whole "soulmate" thing? If I did find out, I wonder if I could get away with dismembering him and putting his head up on a pike.

Friday is my night to recover from the rest of the week. Usually I am at home, reading, watching TV, playing on the computer, or plotting world domination. When I do go out, it is never to bar crawl. More often than not, intoxication makes people stupid and annoying, not amusing, and I don't like the feeling of desperation that pervades most bars.

The last time I cried was when I found out Tiger, my family's tabby cat, had died. Both my sister and I were very attached to him, even though we'd long since moved away. The day before he died, we visited our parents, and it was apparent he didn't have long. He purred for us nevertheless, and my sister burst into tears on the spot. I held my composure until after my mother called me with the news, and then I just lost it. I was surprised I reacted so strongly, but he'd been my pet since I was eleven and part of the family for nearly twenty years.

I'm more inclined to respond to someone with an interesting profile. Answer a few questions, do the essays, take tests, and maybe write a journal entry or two. It makes you stand out, and gives the impression you're a real live human being. That's a precious commodity in this medium. I don't check my mail here too often, though, so if I don't respond, it probably has more to do with negligence on my part than anything.

Beyond that, I'm glad to hear from just about anyone, but I greatly prefer mail to chat. (Typically I don't see chats until hours after they arrive, if ever.) Please, no 1337 or chatspeak, though. It hurts my brain. If you're interested in more than just a friendly conversation, I'm not really on the prowl, but, well, I ain't dead yet, either. Keep in mind I'm not even slightly polyamorous, have few personal vices, and am a strong atheist. I've found those three details tend to be major dealbreakers for some people.