Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
being and experiencing now.
I think a lot about this new chapter in Philadelphia. On a
metaphysical plane, I think of the value of chance and change. What
the universe will present. Is joy portable? Nature v. Nurture
stuff. Am I happy/healthy due to where I live or do I live where I
do because I am happy and healthy? I lean to the latter. See,
things trivial and profound.
Community, discovery, travel. I think of food, music, friends and
putting all three together in one place.
I am also currently fascinated by joy and if there are any limits
to joy. Is joy infinite?
How Ashtanga changed the course of my spirit/being. How
something that is so quiet and personal can be so
And finally - Social Grace and the Internet Introductions
Some seem to make the worst assumptions about people genuinely,
respectfully communicating with them because those who initiate
contact are an abstraction. They may be perceived as not real. So
treating said enquiries as nothing more than bothersome or worse is
The lack of commitment to what one is ostensibly "online" for - to
meet someone has significantly eroded the dialogue
in meeting and getting to know someone. After all, isn't this forum
simply a launching point? Quite frequently, those who ignore or
worse, trash genuine letters often haven’t even looked at the
letter, if they did, they would not trash them, unless...
Prior to internet dating, people would meet at work, through
friends and family, the social contract required that people at
least act with respect for themselves and the other - because one
may have to answer to the person who introduced or work with the
other on a daily basis.
Now, things are different: The cycle is really short and much is
executed in the heat of moment. People online are free to act out
their worst impulses with very little incentive to act out their
best. The space between self-image - drawn from the recipients
profile - and action - defined by their response or lack thereof -
Because abstraction is built in to the online exchange we don’t
have the cues that prompt reasoned social response or discourse.
You don’t get that real time feedback. There’s a distortion and
dissonance of social cues that can occur when your communication is
without consequence. I won't believe that many I query here are
social misanthropes or malcontents. If they acted this way in
interpersonal situations, they would be outcasts and all alone.
Maybe they are.
One can be dismissive and callous with the click of the mouse. It
seems, to me, that those who engage in such behavior have
normalized this lack of grace and self respect. The entire process
- photos, writing profiles, regularly checking the site is reduced
to passing on a shirt at JCREW.com. And really that speaks volumes
about those who “auto trash” inquiries. And I believe the human
condition does not want to be that way, yet due to the fact that
there is this formidable filter, the internet, and the ability to
act with out consequence, many assume it's just alright to practice
In the long run, who suffers the consequence? While it hurts that
the crafted letter is trashed, the author acted with dignity and
integrity and the recipient who trashes must carry the weight of
being out of integrity. Maybe this is making a mountain out of
nothing, I think not. I really do believe every
compulsive/impulsive trashing of reasoned missives affects the
deleter much more than the deleted. Deleters end up with deleters.
Deleters attract similar beings. People like them - small minded,
who make rash decisions, who are quick to judge, to leave, to look
elsewhere. Impulsive, or worse, compulsive decisions based on
nothing more than the instant reading of the deleter's own
insecurity. Instant trashing is cynical and a definitive measure of
those with their finger on "delete" not those being deleted.
Reducing someone to a product in a catalogue is no way to respect
oneself, the one initiating dialogue or the modality let alone meet
or interact, is it?
It is said that over 60% of communication is non verbal. On line we
are lacking most communication and instead of stretching and taking
into consideration the medium, many simply don’t respond. That way,
in a reactionary delete, the deleter knows where they stand. They
need not challenge themselves. They need not question status quo.
The need only be lazy. There is false safety in the deleting. They
need ask nothing of themselves and disengage further from the
social fabric. Soon deleting becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.
Deleters are alone.
On line we are not getting the rich feedback that exists in an
interpersonal environment. When we’re communicating in 3D, we use
all of our senses. Eyes, voice, body, all of which gets stripped
away when you’re simply reacting to an electronic letter. This
modality requires extra effort, to read a profile or a letter, if
it is considered, once or twice, to understand that there is a
beating heart behind the words.
Humans lose basic skills when their interaction becomes automated.
Automation tends to degrade subtle skills that depend on real world
interaction and real world feedback. That phenomenon exists when it
comes to social networks and socializing through a computer. And
this dynamic seems to be embraced - in my experience - by a
majority of on line practitioners.
Many think of the dismissals of authentic letters online is the
price one pays to take part in the free, open world of social
media. But compromise of ones integrity hurts the one compromising.
There is no win in deleting a genuine letter, instead it makes the
deleter a coarser individual, it strips a little of that “human”
thing away with each delete.
There is a very strong chance that certain voices, valuable voices
and real interaction is missed. Boundaries can be
established in a response, boundaries that will close the
conversation with tact or continue it according to the participants
desire and self respect.
So a great method to meet, to expand social circles and to possibly
develop a friendship or a romance is systemically
undermined as much by the power of hiding behind the cloak
of anonymity to be off color, untoward, asocial or worse,
antisocial, and the power of doing to others as you would not have
others do unto you. It becomes too much social noise to
deal with. The "community" is then inhabited by social trolls,
ne'er do wells and misanthropes. The pond becomes polluted and life
It is amazing - what one does and the consequences of said actions
when one thinks no one is looking.