In college, I thoughta class in Buddhism would be a cool way to
satisfy a philosophy/religion core credit. Turns out it was mostly
a dry, academic reading of the history of the budding Buddhist
bureaucracy. The Mahayana and Thereveda may as well have been
Protestant and Catholic; it was a political, rather than a
philosophical analysis. The mystical wrangling with the problem of
suffering was just another fact in that class. We discussed the
what but not the how or why.
Feeling a little let down, I decided to write a my final paper on
what seemed the most promising-Zen Buddhism. I was interested in
how Zen monks influenced Western authors like Hesse and Kerouac and
wondered if their conception was a diluted "westernized" version of
the real stuff amongst misty mountains. I was also curious whether
any of the subsequent Zen pop explosion in the West had filtered
back and influenced the general understanding.
I enjoyed the research in the library and continued to read until
the papers were just about due. Once I became aware of how poorly I
had planned my time (I should have had at least a rough draft after
the midpoint) I decided that there was no point in even trying to
write it. I would just fail.
The day it was due, I actually handed him an eight page paper
titled "The Influence of Zen Buddhist Thought in America." The last
seven pages were blank. For now at least that is the story of my
I am humbled, restless, and pretty good company
I’m really good at
Finding the answers to complex problems. Making quesadillas.
The first things people usually notice about me
I guess my tail.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Spoon, Dan Deacon, The Octopus Project, Cujo, Cut Chemist, Tool,
Macha, The Warlocks, Beta Band, Television, Curtis Mayfield, Mos
Def, Def Jux, Woody Guthrie and all those other people who can pull
you to the past by the presence of their voice. I like it when a
record really strikes as a true document of the timeReally, I
mostly like it all: psych garage, folkpunk, dub, dnb, soul, hip
hop. About the only genre of music I don't like is self-indulgent
experimental noise like recordings of change going through a drier.
Even then I sometimes still keep the dial locked in cuz you never
know what weird noise trick they might pull next. But yeah, usually
just another couple of minutes of drier with maybe a shoe added in
to the mix. I'd take that over any bland overproduced "pop." How
some stuff is popular is a mystery to me. Is it just because they
play it over tinny speakers high above the aisles of Kroger?
The six things I could never do without
You know, I started to write stuff like "music" and "my hands" and
"eyesight" and "pizza" but I'm pretty sure I could get by without
those things. However, without hope and curiosity, I would have
been dead years ago. Add love to the essential list and that about
wraps it up. Oh, and animals. And plants. Ok, I'll stop now.
UPDATE: Maybe not music. I surprise myself how long I can sit in
silence, but I absolutely love making new sounds fit together and
hearing the others do the same.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
why there are so many empty buildings and homeless people. . . how
important education is, and how many people are happy to stop
questioning things and settle into a "stable" way of life . . . how
i can help inspire and participate in a coordinated, distributed
counter-propaganda campaign that will justly call the lies that
prop up our society and offer an alternative vision of distributed
democracy supported by humanistic technology . . . how i can be a
better person . . .
On a typical Friday night I am
who knows? looks like right now I'm at home. Can't say I'm
disappointed, but I'm not exactly excited either. I think this is
what Dante may have considered purgatory. Meh. Friday is really
just another day to me.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I recently rediscovered an account I had started three years ago,
used for a few weeks and forgot about. Curious, i opened it to see
what would be different. Not too much, but there are some
surprises. A few days ago I rewrote some of the profile because I
was bored and alone and frustrated with the way I've managed to
sabotage myself over the years. Do you know which profile it is?
Which is the better match? What is the difference?
Also, I just now noticed that my brief description was "I am a
drug-addicted, hopeless fool and I welcome you." Hmm. Forgot I had
left that cynical anti-pickup line (maybe a putdown?) Three points:
1. I don't consider myself a drug addict but I can say drugs and
alcohol have fucked things up for me in the past. 2. I'm not a
hopeless fool. You learn a lot exploring extreme ups and downs of
the human condition, and from what I can tell, things aren't
hopeless. A fool, maybe. But who's to judge? 3. I do welcome you.
Especially if you have found yourself similarly frustrated by the
casual cruelty and apparent indifference of the world around us.
Double especially if despite this existential maw looming over our
heads, you are awed by the peculiar and beautiful way everything
from fireflies to distant stars fit together. How clouds flow like
rivers and bugs walk on water. If your reaction to Nothingness is
to subsume and create, then I welcome the opportunity to apply that
salve of compassionate novelty to the wounds of the world.
There are only a few things that keep me from thinking too much.
Music is one of them :)
You should message me if
you want to know more about me or collaborate artistically.. . if
you want to watch a good movie and have a vibrant discussion . . .
if you think we can help each other out but aren't sure how . . .
you're a mental mercenary or a multi-millionaire. or both :)