(Adapted from my old 'Onion Personals' profile)
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New, limited time offer!!! I'm looking for a date this Friday [Oct. 30] for Lucha VaVoom, a raucous night of Mexican wrestling, burlesque and comedy.

Check out the videos;
Lucha VaVoom Video Page

The celebrity I resemble most;

Somewhere between Edward Norton and Sean Penn.

My personal motto;

Dyslexics of the world... UNTIE!!!

Body art;

Yes.

Favorite item of clothing;

My autographed, limited edition Hugh Hefner banana hammock.

Just kidding... Actually, it's a 25 year old t-shirt.

In my bedroom one will find...

A view of Coit Tower,

My Patent

and 500+ movies on DVD. Check out my NetFlix Blog.

In my refrigerator one will find...

Cheese & Onions

( Bonus points if you can name the movie that's from ).

Some strange but true facts about me;

I was born in Spain.

I used to bartend in London.

I was in submarines in the Navy and I've spent about a year and a half of my life underwater.

I was at the first Burning Man at Baker Beach.

Activities I'd enjoy on a first date;

Maybe take the ferry to Tiburon, have a drink at Sam's and then catch a movie at the Tiburon Playhouse.

On a second date, we could go to Sweeties's and shoot some pool, then have dinner at Albona or Cafe Jacqueline.

On a third date, we could get matching tattoos.

A date should be planned...

Months in advance :^)

I love my job. I'm a deckhand on the San Francisco Bay ferries. I'm well paid to cruise around the bay and meet people from all over the world.

I also have a patent that I'm bringing to market.

I volunteer on several historic ships (Pampanito, Potomac and Nokomis).

I also like to cook and collect movies. Check out my movie collection here.

Creative thinking. That is to say, approaching problems from a new angle or connecting two seemingly unrelated ideas to come up with something new.

And crosswords.

And knots.

My curly red hair and green eyes or my amazing round ass.

No wait, that's you.

Honestly... I have no idea. You'd have to tell me.

By the way, you don't have to be a green eyed red-head. I like women of all shapes/sizes/colors/styles. I do have a "thing" for red-heads, but then again I have a lot of "things".

As long as you're attractive in one way or another, even if it's an intangible quality (ie; intelligence, joie de vivre, wicked sense of humor, perhaps a little bit kinky)

This needs an update but;

A) My crossword dictionary. Kurt Vonnegut, Isaac Asimov, Jack Kerouac, John Steinbeck, a good spy thriller, a biography or history book.

Books I'm reading now "The Crow Road" and "365 NY Times Crossword Puzzles".

B) In no particular order; Young Frankenstein, This is Spinal Tap, Life of Brian, It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World, Blade Runner, The Man Who Would Be King, Das Boot, Run Silent Run Deep, Band of Brothers, Chinatown, Casablanca, Dark Passage, The Maltese Falcon, Take the Money and Run, What's Up, Tiger Lily?, Heist flix, Bogart flix, Peter Sellers flix, Scorses flix, John Huston flix, Wes Anderson flix, Cohen Bros. flix, Bill Murray flix,...

TV: The Daily Show, the Colbert Report, the Venture Brothers.

Podcasts: Red State Update, Radio Clambake (Here's an archived show in case he's not broadcasting right now)

C) Giant Ant Farm, Rube Waddell, Sol Bright, Richard Cheese, Dread Zeppelin, Rev. Horton Heat, Frank Zappa, King Crimson, Talking Heads, Adrian Belew, David Bowie, the Clash, X, the Damned, the Cramps, Elvis Costello, Radiohead, Primus, Stereolab, Ultra Lounge.

D) Stuff I like to cook;

Shepherds pie ( made with lamb, otherwise it cottage pie ), gazpacho, bourbon glazed pork roast, coffee chocolate chip cookies...

Eat Out/Junk Food;

Thai/Vietnamese food, Dim Sum, Mozzerella di Buffala pizza, the Italian combo at Freddies, the prociutto and provolone sandwich at Molinari's, BurgerMeister, Belgian waffles at 3 a.m., vanilla ice cream with Ovaltine sprinkles smooshed in..."

1. The ocean.

2. Crosswords.

3. A few good friends.

4. A good sex life.

5. A passport.

6. Osmosis (I use books for pillows).

How I'm going to get a prototype for my patent built.

Traveling around the world with no schedule or agenda.

My Friday is currently Sunday but this is what I might be doing on any given night.

A) Staying at home, cooking a nice meal and watching a movie or two or...

B) Hanging out with friends or...

C) Enjoying the nightlife in North Beach or elsewhere.

I'm skilled at Shibari.

... if you want to meet a genuine, funny but not goofy, intelligent but not snooty, blue collar multi-thousandaire.

One last thing. If you live in San Francisco, you should take my Don't Call It Frisco test.