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27 M Crystal Lake, IL

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Two-year college
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Has dogs

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My self-summary
I genuinely don’t know how to describe myself. So here are bunch of random facts about me.

5' 10", 150, 1986.

I was always first to die in Oregon Trail. Every time.

I don't believe in this stuff, but supposedly I'm INFP type personality.

I think To Catch A Predator could easily be on Comedy Central if they added a laugh track.

I know how to spell pseudonym, and how to spell name. it's a Johnny Cash song and I was worried people might not get it so I made it "Sue", and I ran out of characters for 'name'. So, no need for the corrections. Unless that's your way of breaking the ice, in which case, by all means make me feel small.

I’ve never been pulled over, but I speed constantly. So I’m either that good, or that unnoticeable.

I call a remote control for a tv a clicker.

I was once forced to hold a door for what seemed like 15 minutes because I tried being polite to ONE person in heavy foot traffic.

I think I would be amazing at a Ninja Warrior course. Just saying. I think it's the most boring thing possible to watch on tv, but I'd love to do it.

I hate Fox news. And liars in general.

I have great ideas for pumpkin carving.

All my great ideas for pumpkin carving ended up turning into the stereotypical alien face once I realized how difficult they’d be to carve.

I have a dog named Jane.

I own at ping pong. I have a scar from air hockey. I think I would be good at it, if the person I'm playings goal wasn't so smack it so hard it bounces up into my face every time.

I never understood why Smokey the bear doesn’t have to wear a shirt, but does have to wear jeans. And why jeans? Why not those green pants park rangers wear?

I still hide the cds I keep in my car under something when I leave, even though they’ve been made valueless by Kazaa long ago.

I realize no one knows what Kazaa is anymore.

My solution to all computer problems is system restore.

I lay awake all night, until one hour before I know I have to wake up, and then suddenly I’m sleepy.

It frustrates and annoys me that alarm clocks make such awful sounds to wake you up. All I’m saying is why start off on full blast? Why not start off quiet, and slowly raise the volume. Why shock us out of sleep? And why a horrifying buzzing sound?

I can’t decide whether I find monkeys really cute, or really creepy.

I love rain. Rain cheers me up more than anything.

I think Pierce Brosnan is the best Bond. New guys the worst. Bond is supposed to spend all his time seducing beautiful women, saving the world, and making puns... Not working out and being angsty. To be fair I saw Quantum of Solace after writing this, and it was pretty good, but I mean, Goldeneye....

I've only had coffee once. Which is extra weird because I worked at a 711. I liked it and everything. I just, I don't know, never really am in the mood for it. And most coffee places sell hot cocoa too, so why would I want coffee?

I freeze everything with chocolate.

I don't really like watching sports, and everyone hates that. But I can enjoy them if I feel like it matters. Like the superbowl. Only fields I've ever been to are Wrigley and Comiskey park, and with the way sports are these days I doubt they're even called that anymore. I do occasionally enjoy boxing, and the lightweight UFC fights. I find basketball really boring though. I don't think I've cared at all about what happens in basketball since Space Jam. I do love playing all sports however. Especially soccer, wrestling, boxing, basketball, and football. I'm also a fan of volleyball.

I hate black liquorice, I love red liquorice as much as I hate it's counterpart, which is A LOT.

I failed Home-ec in seventh grade.

I am legendary at go karts. Also, possibly still banned from them at Mount Olympus in WI Dells.

I only find tv interesting when I have somewhere I should be.

I love Disney Land. And the old animated movies, pretty much up to Hercules, even now I could still watch. Especially Jungle Book.

I thought The Hangover 2 sucked. Really bad. I know I'm alone on this.

I've never beaten a Zelda game. But clocked a whole lot of time playing.

One of my lifes goals is to die in a movie. Preferably eaten by zombies, or mob style shooting.

I’m looking for basically a best friend type to date, and eventually lie to people about where we met. I'm not usually into girls you meet in bars, or at parties, and it's the only place to meet people these days so i thought I'd give this a shot.

P.S I'm not shallow, at all. I just want someone who's a good person, and gets jokes.
P.P.S I look just like my pictures, I'm nowhere near skilled enough to use angles to my advantage, and all my info is real, no tricks. People need to stop assuming everyone on here is too vain to give the real them a chance. I'm actually a lot better in person... Hopefully. Because I can't even get the time of day from girls on here. Not in a conceded way, but in person I at least get noticed occasionally.
P.P.P.S I really like writing songs, and playing music; so if you play anything, or sing, even if you're terrible, I think that's really cool.
ALSO, because I don't know how many more p's I can officially add to post script; I'm only bothering with online dating because I believe in true love. If I wanted to settle for just the best looking/most successful girl I could get I wouldn't bother with it. I really do want someone who is just fun to be around moreso than other people for almost inexplicable reasons, over anything else.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm an empty essay... because there's no good answer!
The first things people usually notice about me
'I bet that guy regrets not grabbing a cart'.

"y'all got issues". I am like the polar opposite of everyone on this site. Usually the only girls who have high match percents with me I think are out of my league, or at least are at a point I'd never be convinced they'd actually like me even if we were dating. So if you're cool, and messaged me, there's a good chance that's why I didn't respond. Not in an 'I look different at all/talk different/lied' way, I just worry you're too serious for me, or ambitious, or into like meeting getting straight to the point, if it doesn't work leave mid sentence, or if it does work, hook up immediately because you're just to the point like that, and you'd never do anything immature. I'm more like a worst case scenario I went out and had drinks with a new friend, best, I have a small crush finally. That was kind of a confusing ramble, I'll rewrite this later, but basically what I'm saying, while trying to avoid saying it this way because it sounds so juvenile(which is not my rationale for it); if this were highschool, I keep getting noticed by cheerleaders, and I'm more into art kids.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The only fiction I read is horror stories. I really like Stephen King. I also love comics. Other than that I read mostly articles.

Horror movies, documentaries, Kung Fu, the original Die Hard which deserves it's own category, anything that's not sad just for the sake of being sad.

Firefly, or The Office. Pam is my dream girl. Or Donna from That 70's Show. MASH, I really, really, like MASH.

I like all music except house music.

Mexican. I like all food too. Well, basic rule of thumb, if it's not something I'd picture being eaten in Temple of Doom, I'll eat it happily. No black liquorice.
The six things I could never do without
Literacy, not sure how I'd manage this, without that.

Food, not in a literal way, I just love it.

My dog, definitely, for the same reasons though, because she doesn't help out at all, unless the mailman was sent to kill me.

And then just three things I'd take during the zombie apocalypse.

A pet tiger I'd adopt from an abandoned zoo.

My new house, which would be a Home Depot, because I can repair it, with it itself.

The original Now cd. For nostalgia, and Harvey Danger.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Here's a poem I wrote about the girls of online dating. Particularly this site.

I can't be bothered to write a profile. I do not respond to short messages.

Everyone on this site is a creeper, except me, even though I don't look like my pictures, none of my information is true, and my picture looks like it was taken by someone who judging by my eyes I'm about to murder.

I want a man, not a boy. I have several boys of my own already, ages 3, 2, 1, and 1.

Guys, I don't need to see your douchey selfie without your shirt on. Look at this picture of me in my bathroom wearing a bikini I took with my cell phone, do I look like I would be caught associating with such a loser?

My dog survived the photo shoot, so stop asking. He does now run away when ever he sees me with a camera and a low cut shirt though.

Eclectic, eclectic, ecletic, too many to name even one.

I'm hilarious, and tons of fun at all times. Here's a bunch of other characteristics about my upbeat, never serious personality, said in a very solemn tone. I'm also very creative, look at this paragraph I plagiarized. I'm often described by myself as quirky.

My hobbies include both work, and working out.

My favorite poetry is my own, which I write by stringing randomness, and pretentiousness together. Usually in a way that would suggest I'm underappreciated, but the fact that I write it should make it obvious I'm not. I'll quote my last book which I paid to have published; golden hair, she's so unique, she stands out, Hello Kitty. Hello. You're exclusively esthetic eye-wear, so unique, but so esthetically approachable, I'm not. I'm loved by nerds and gods alike!. Me. Me, me. Me, me, I, but I'm still a dork.

Grammar is a MUST!!!! I have nothing else going for me outside of my two sentence profile being spelled mostly correctly, I had ample time to proofread due to its size, and you’ll notice immediately that I have nothing at all to say no matter how interesting my surroundings are, so I obsess over the spelling of things to feel like I belong. You’re not better than me because you add things to the world, you’re worse, because your finger struck a letter next to the one intended while making a thoughtful argument! Idiot, learn to write, like I could, if I had things to say!

I do stand up, and I’m great at comedy. By which I mean I repeat jokes I heard in in my own way, which has a very slight variation in wording, which is the exact same thing as being creative myself. Just like my Mona Lisa tracing is of equal importance as the actual Mona Lisa, if you can copy it, you deserve the credit. Get over yourself, you’re no better than me just because you try harder and are talented at a specific thing, I deserve just as much recognition for stealing that thing while being me.

Feminism. The hot-button embarrass my peers with unreasonable aggressiveness kind, not that socially aware garbage. If you're not down with feeling bad when I decide you should, and I can't feel like a victim at will, don't even bother.

I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–100
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating