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21 Phoenix, AZ Man


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 21–100
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Mar 13
Hispanic / Latin, White
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body type
Strictly anything
Atheism, and laughing about it
Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
Working on university
Sales / Marketing
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Name's Cain. I'm offensive and creative like handicapped porn.

Okay so I never actually come on here but I promise if you message Me I'll reply whenever I see it. Especially if you live nearby. I like friends. We should be friends.
Honestly I'm probably going to be back in California in like a month so lets have fun while I'm still here.

I've always thought I was an asshole and this site really only proved my point. But honestly, I'm not a complete dick. I'm blunt, controversial, and I spend too much time on the internet. I've been told by several people that I am the kindest, most selfless self serving fuckwad that they have ever met.

When bums ask me for money, I give it to them. When a friend needs a ride, I'm there. If you call me at 3 in the morning, I'll answer. But if you sit there and ask me if you should go back to your abusive ex-boyfriend I'll call you a fucking idiot and I'm liable to slap you.

Did I mention I swear a lot? I like to think of them as sentence enhancers. For example:
"Go away!" vs "Fuck off!"
"He's a real jerk." vs "He's a fucking douchebag cocksucking unclefucker."
"I love you, baby." vs "Swallow, bitch. There's people starving in Africa."

Don't you feel much more emotionally invested in the latter sentences?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm waiting for the zombie apocalypse. See, my plan is to go to
Costco. Not only is is chock full of every supply known to man and several known to monkey, it's also the perfect zombie fort. All the entrances and exits are made out of steel, the walls are all concrete, and the front of it isn't made of glass like most stores. The way I see it, the only problem will be cleaning out the corpses when I first move in. I've got that covered though. All my friends know of this plan and will be meeting me there.

Also, just so you know if the zombie apocalypse does go down, don't rely on guns. Yeah, keep a side arm or a shot gun but don't make that your sole weapon. Guns run out of ammo and they're loud so they'll attract more zombies. Go for the melee weapon. A good mace or something.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Planning for the zombie apocalypse, obviously.
I'm also a great piercer.
I can read people like fuckin books.
And I'm the three time state champion in turkish mud wrestling.

And just to be a braggart, these are all the instruments I can/have been able to play: drum set, guitar, bass, bass drum, marching snare, marching tenors, marimba, vibraphone, xylophone, violin, trumpet, mellophone, saxaphone, piano, flute, recorder, timpani, vocal chords, glockenspiel, bells, chimes, various auxiliary equipment, and ocarina. Yes, ocarina. Suck it.

Also i can do a pretty good English accent. And an alright southern one when I'm drunk.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Probably my antlers.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: White Fang, Harry Potter, Eragon, Storm Thief.
Movies: Chronicles of Riddick, Rent, A Knights Tale.
Shows: DOCTOR WHO, Being Human, Game of Thrones, True Blood,
Music: Decendents, Kesha, Bo Burnham, Bad Religion, Mindless Self Indulgence
Food: Pizza and sushi. oh god. Unagi. /drool
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Food, water, air, shelter, company, weed tbh
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Butterfly farts. What do they smell like?!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Wishing I had someone to hang out with. Sitting on my ass. Or probably getting drunk.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't have a dick. Geddit? Private? Dick? oh man, I'm so fuckin funny. Not really. But seriously though, I don't. I'm trans lol
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You laughed, smiled, cringed, vomited, or shook your head at anything I have said.