Okay so I never actually come on here but I promise if you message Me I'll reply whenever I see it. Especially if you live nearby. I like friends. We should be friends.
I've always thought I was an asshole and this site really only proved my point. But honestly, I'm not a complete dick. I'm blunt, controversial, and I spend too much time on the internet. I've been told by several people that I am the kindest, most selfless self serving fuckwad that they have ever met.
When bums ask me for money, I give it to them. When a friend needs a ride, I'm there. If you call me at 3 in the morning, I'll answer. But if you sit there and ask me if you should go back to your abusive ex-boyfriend I'll call you a fucking idiot and I'm liable to slap you.
Did I mention I swear a lot? I like to think of them as sentence enhancers. For example:
"Go away!" vs "Fuck off!"
"He's a real jerk." vs "He's a fucking douchebag cocksucking unclefucker."
"I love you, baby." vs "Swallow, bitch. There's people starving in Africa."
Don't you feel much more emotionally invested in the latter sentences?