Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Name's Cain. I'm offensive and creative like handicapped
Okay so I never actually come on here but I promise if you message
Me I'll reply whenever I see it. Especially if you live nearby. I
like friends. We should be friends.
Honestly I'm probably going to be back in California in like a
month so lets have fun while I'm still here.
I've always thought I was an asshole and this site really only
proved my point. But honestly, I'm not a complete dick. I'm blunt,
controversial, and I spend too much time on the internet. I've been
told by several people that I am the kindest, most selfless self
serving fuckwad that they have ever met.
When bums ask me for money, I give it to them. When a friend needs
a ride, I'm there. If you call me at 3 in the morning, I'll answer.
But if you sit there and ask me if you should go back to your
abusive ex-boyfriend I'll call you a fucking idiot and I'm liable
to slap you.
Did I mention I swear a lot? I like to think of them as sentence
enhancers. For example:
"Go away!" vs "Fuck off!"
"He's a real jerk." vs "He's a fucking douchebag cocksucking
"I love you, baby." vs "Swallow, bitch. There's people starving in
Don't you feel much more emotionally invested in the latter
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm waiting for the zombie apocalypse. See, my plan is to go
Costco. Not only is is chock full of every supply known to man and
several known to monkey, it's also the perfect zombie fort. All the
entrances and exits are made out of steel, the walls are all
concrete, and the front of it isn't made of glass like most stores.
The way I see it, the only problem will be cleaning out the corpses
when I first move in. I've got that covered though. All my friends
know of this plan and will be meeting me there.
Also, just so you know if the zombie apocalypse does go down, don't
rely on guns. Yeah, keep a side arm or a shot gun but don't make
that your sole weapon. Guns run out of ammo and they're loud so
they'll attract more zombies. Go for the melee weapon. A good mace
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Planning for the zombie apocalypse, obviously.
I'm also a great piercer.
I can read people like fuckin books.
And I'm the three time state champion in turkish mud
And just to be a braggart, these are all the instruments I can/have
been able to play: drum set, guitar, bass, bass drum, marching
snare, marching tenors, marimba, vibraphone, xylophone, violin,
trumpet, mellophone, saxaphone, piano, flute, recorder, timpani,
vocal chords, glockenspiel, bells, chimes, various auxiliary
equipment, and ocarina. Yes, ocarina. Suck it.
Also i can do a pretty good English accent. And an alright southern
one when I'm drunk.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: White Fang, Harry Potter, Eragon, Storm Thief.
Movies: Chronicles of Riddick, Rent, A Knights Tale.
Shows: DOCTOR WHO, Being Human, Game of Thrones, True Blood,
Music: Decendents, Kesha, Bo Burnham, Bad Religion, Mindless Self
Food: Pizza and sushi. oh god. Unagi. /drool
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Food, water, air, shelter, company, weed tbh
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Butterfly farts. What do they smell like?!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Wishing I had someone to hang out with. Sitting on my ass. Or
probably getting drunk.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't have a dick. Geddit? Private? Dick? oh man, I'm so fuckin
funny. Not really. But seriously though, I don't. I'm trans lol
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You laughed, smiled, cringed, vomited, or shook your head at
anything I have said.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.