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brasshamster

36 M Chandler, AZ

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My Details

Last Online
Today – 9:59am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 4″ (1.93m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from law school
Job
Law
Income
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Offspring
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am so sick of women just wanting hook ups. I am not going to help you have an affair. Show a man a little romance, for God's sake. I am not just going to jump in the sack with you. I am sure there is probably some other guy out there somewhere that wants a one night stand with you, but it isn't me. So if that is what you're after, please move along. And please don't send me pics of your genitals as an introduction. I am sure they're great and all, but I would like to get to know you first. Come on, is there any guy out there on whom that approach really works? Put your boobs away. No one wants those out.

I am egotistical, and an ass, but, I'm never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

I might have Ebola. I do hard drugs. I eat kittens and small children. One of these things is not like the other.

I like long walks on the beach in stilts. I enjoy hiking in downtown city areas. Fires at night are so romantic--I love the screams as the villagers run for their lives. Nothing is more magical.

I have adamantium spikes that come out of my hands. It makes bathing difficult at times. So I never bathe. There's a lot of sweat that's built up over the years.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Being cruel to everyone I can. Ridding the world of pharmaceutical instructional materials.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Launching pancakes at passing birds.
I also enjoy eating birds with syrup and pancake watching.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Depends on what exactly is going on. Sometimes, people might say something like, "holy crap, why is that naked guy running around with a batman mask and beating a mailbox with a herring?" But that's only on Thursday nights, so it would be different at other times.

For example, on Saturday nights, I'm usually busy dressing in suits and capturing stray cats. I throw said cats into a giant pit that I have dug in my basement. I lower a basket on a rope down to the cat. In the basket, I have a bottle of lotion, and I yell, "it puts the lotion on its fur. It puts the lotion on its fur, or it gets the hose for sure." Then if the cat starts meowing something like, "mrow mrow, mrow, meeeoooow" I totally lose it and start screaming, "IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS @#$#ING FUR!" I think those cats are really impressed with my suits. That's probably what they notice first. I mean, I have some rockin' ties.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I like to read about chinchillas, watch movies about furry things. I don't listen to music unless it's the music of the dark. I don't eat food, unless it's kittens or small children (see above). I am immortal.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Granite.
2) Sea Salt.
3) Black Holes.
4) The Space-Time Continuum.
5) Your Mom (See below)
6) Lists of Things I Could Never Do Without.
7) Breaking Numerical Barriers.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Your mom. Homegirl is smokin'. I mean, seriously, have you seen her? Dang....
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Protecting the city from evildoers, unless I am being an evildoer....then I am not protecting the city from myself and my diabolical schemes..cause I wouldn't want to circumvent my own efforts.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't have any pants on right now.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You probably shouldn't. I'm not good for you. Really, run.