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brittney_m

28 F Brooklyn, NY

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 8:26pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Hispanic / Latin, White
Height
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Catholicism, and laughing about it
Sign
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Has dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Czech (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I wanna hangout with dogs, get tattooed, give high fives, eat perogies, figure out why my hand has been numb for a year and a half, take naps, and sing pop punk songs that were written when I was 14. If you wanna do any of these things with me or kiss me on the forehead or if youre a doctor who will tell me why my hand is numb instead of telling me that everything is great and I'm fine, send me a message.

I'm mostly never serious, except when I say that my new criteria for a dude/boyfriend/baby daddy/life partner includes (but is not limited to) the fact that you need to
a) have a beard.
b) know all the words to Juicy by notorious BIG
c) have tattoos on your hands.
d) be a gap-toothed bitch
e) all of the above

It would also help if you overlook the fact that I tend to make an asshole of myself every time I open my mouth, or if you just don't care. And I hope you don't mind that I fall asleep at the most inopportune times. (every fucking chance I get) Narcolepsy whut-whut.

I am the nicest girl, forever, and always.

AND! i hate ketchup.
What I’m doing with my life
Recent Pittsburgh to NYC transplant. I put makeup on people for money. And I'm damn good at it, too.
I’m really good at
Making people feel like they have known me forever, being sarcastic, loving, finding something good about everyone I meet, making people laugh, remembering faces, being comfortable around total strangers... I could go on.

Are these supposed to be sentence fragments?
The first things people usually notice about me
My tattoos, glasses, or lipstick.

And that I'm the girl sitting at the bar screaming about something or other, or singing PYT at the top of my lungs and busting out my amazing dance skills I learned from watching Comcast OnDemand (it taught me how to get noticed in a club, which is clearly useful to me since I frequent so many, and how to booty-pop like Beyonce, which caused my back to hurt for about six hours) it was for-real.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like to read about junkies, prostitutes, mental illness and eating disorders. Memoirs are my favorite. I also really like essay collections. I never read Harry Potter. I hope you don't think less of me because of that.

As for movies, anything that will make me laugh, anything from the 80's, anything based on a true story, and I've probably seen every Lifetime movie ever made. Lifetime Loser forever.

Music... You can get me to listen to just about anything (make me a mix), I still listen to everything I liked when i was 15. Morrissey/the Smiths have been a constant for as long as I can remember, and I love cheesy pop punk more than anything. Two of my favorite musical attributes are gang vocals and clapping. Overhead clapping is preferred if we're getting technical.

Food? I love candy. If I could survive solely on Kit Kats and chocolate Tootsie Pops, I would. I also really like pizza and gummy bears and I only discriminate against mostly anything sour. I love condiments and dips, and I really like pickles but I eat them plain or order them on the side with my burger and have them separate. I will bake you delicious treats and make you homemade perogies. Life would be so much easier if pink starbursts and peanut butter m&m's were considered healthy snacks.

If you know a good guacamole recipe message me NOW.
The six things I could never do without
My glasses, morrissey, Popsicles, metro card, red lipstick, and my mom.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to get Mean Girls unstuck from my DVD player so I don't have to fall asleep to it nightly (I have dreams about Aaron Samuels and how his hair looks sexy pushed back)

When my break at work will be.
On a typical Friday night I am
My Friday nights are never typical.

JK. I'm either working or drinking or sleeping. Saturdays are my busiest so I take it easy Friday nights.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't trust people who only have one pillow on the bed, and I will judge you if you wear flip flops (rubber or otherwise) further out of the house than your mailbox.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 22–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You wanna go to shows, eat popsicles, you like the Smiths, or if you think you want to KISS ME.