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brittney_m

29 Pittsburgh, PA Woman

Woman

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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 26–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 5:38am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Catholicism, and laughing about it
Sign
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Status
Single
Pets
Has dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Czech (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Looking for the Andy Dwyer to my April Ludgate.

Convinced that Michael Scott and Tina Belcher had a child and that's how I came to be... This is how I describe myself and I wonder every day why I'm single and on OKcupid. Doomed from the start, unless you like that sort of thing.

I wanna hangout with dogs, get tattooed, give high fives, eat perogies, figure out why my hand has been numb for a year and a half, take naps, and sing pop punk songs that were written when I was 14. If you wanna do any of these things with me or kiss me on the forehead or if youre also fluent in sarcasm and are an asshole but not in the mean way... We could get along.

I'm mostly never serious, except when I say that my new criteria for a dude/boyfriend/baby daddy/life partner includes (but is not limited to) the fact that you need to
a) have a beard.
b) know all the words to Juicy by notorious BIG
c) have tattoos on your hands.
d) be a gap-toothed bitch
e) all of the above

It would also help if you overlook the fact that I tend to make an asshole of myself every time I open my mouth, or if you just don't care. And I hope you don't mind that I fall asleep at the most inopportune times. (every fucking chance I get) Narcolepsy whut-whut.

I am the nicest girl, forever, and always.

AND! i hate ketchup.

If you got this far, I 'gram too much (@b_momo) And Tumbl (/howtoswim) just incase this small glimpse into my world left you hungry for more fuckery. Lurk on, bb.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Wearing all black, getting paid to put makeup on cute ladies and gents, losing bobby pins, pop culture references, looking super young, embarrassing myself, being the most sober person at bars/parties, reciting lines from Clueless, being mistaken for a Mexican teenager or an extra in The Craft (not mad), wishing my hair was midnight blue, carrying treats in my Mary Poppins purse, regretting drinking that third cup of coffee, telling jokes/being quick witted, eating tater tots, being the ilana glazer of my friend duos. you know- stuff like that.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making people feel like they have known me forever, being sarcastic, loving, finding something good about everyone I meet, making people laugh, remembering faces, being comfortable around total strangers... I could go on.

Are these supposed to be sentence fragments?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My tattoos, glasses, or lipstick. My great lipsynching to the music in my head or on my iTunes while waiting for/riding the L.

And that I'm the girl sitting at the bar screaming about something or other, or singing PYT at the top of my lungs and busting out my amazing dance skills I learned from watching Comcast OnDemand (it taught me how to get noticed in a club, which is clearly useful to me since I frequent so many, and how to booty-pop like Beyonce, which caused my back to hurt for about six hours) it was for-real.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I like to read about junkies, prostitutes, mental illness and eating disorders. Memoirs are my favorite. I also really like essay collections. I never read Harry Potter. I hope you don't think less of me because of that.

As for movies, anything that will make me laugh, anything from the 80's, anything based on a true story, and I've probably seen every Lifetime movie ever made. Lifetime Loser forever.

Music... You can get me to listen to just about anything (make me a mix), I still listen to everything I liked when i was 15. Morrissey/the Smiths have been a constant for as long as I can remember. Brand New, talking heads, the ramones, Neil Young, childish gambino, BIG, violent femmes, depeche mode, taylor fucking swift, the police, nas, Jessie ware, haim,and I love cheesy pop punk more than anything. Two of my favorite musical attributes are gang vocals and clapping. Overhead clapping is preferred if we're getting technical.

Food? I love candy. If I could survive solely on Kit Kats and chocolate Tootsie Pops, I would. I also really like pizza and gummy bears and I only discriminate against mostly anything sour. I will bake you delicious treats and make you homemade perogies. Life would be so much easier if pink starbursts and peanut butter m&m's were considered healthy snacks.

If you know a good guacamole recipe message me NOW. Let's do the damn thang.

I don't believe in guilty pleasures but just incase you weren't going to message me because you think I'm too cool for you: a few years ago I drove around the northeast US to see Hanson 9 times in 13 days, and I've been caught on more than 3 occasions blasting/screaming Jason Derulo songs in 376 traffic. 🙋🏻
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My glasses, morrissey, Popsicles, metro card, red lipstick, and my mom.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How to get Mean Girls unstuck from my DVD player so I don't have to fall asleep to it nightly (I have dreams about Aaron Samuels and how his hair looks sexy pushed back)

When my break at work will be.

Those things, and puppies.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Reading, watching a movie I've probably seen 548 times starring Paul Rudd, or working. Or sitting on somebody's rooftop sharing a pizza and some laughs.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't trust people who only have one pillow on the bed, and I will judge you if you wear flip flops (rubber or otherwise) further out of the house than your mailbox.

My profile is only partly serious but I'm being honest when I say I am like 93% more likely to respond to or message you first if you are hugging a puppy in any of your photos.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You wanna buy me Mad Mex. Otherwise, I'm probably not into this whole thing.