Ever wished you could marry one of those first two Weezer albums?

Jack Black's character in School of Rock with a grad degree.

My totally blasted pecs.

(a)
there are so many tictoc
clocks everywhere telling people
what toctic time it is for
tictic instance five toc minutes toc
past six tic

Spring is not regulated and does
not get out of order nor do
its hands a little jerking move
over numbers slowly

we do not
wind it up it has no weights
springs wheels inside of
its slender self no indeed dear
nothing of the kind.

(So,when kiss Spring comes
we'll kiss each kiss other on kiss the kiss
lips because tic clocks toc don't make
a toctic difference
to kisskiss you and to
kiss me)

(b) Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me.

(c) Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

(d) Jimmy Eat World, Matthew Sweet, Saves the Day, Weezer, Sigur Rós, Death Cab for Cutie, Sunny Day Real Estate, Prince, Misfits, NOFX, Tegan & Sara, The Weakerthans, Depeche Mode, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, La Dispute, 65daysofstatic

(e) Vegan cupcakes actually will take over the world.

Reliving old glories on the football field a la Dazed and Confused.

You like smart-assed guys who smell good and spell well.

P.S. Hoping to hear from someone with a few of these qualities: nonsmoker; not interested in having kids; vegetarian, vegan, or at least sympathetic; believer in equal rights and relationships that are kick-arse partnerships.