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33 Silver Spring, MD Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 25-40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Dec 8, 2014
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
5' 2" (1.57m)
Body Type
Full figured
Other and it’s important
Dropped out of University
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
English (Fluently), French (Somewhat), German (Somewhat), LISP (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
When my old profile gets too long even for ME to read, it's time to make a new one. EDIT: And even the "short" profile is long. Blame it on my passion for writing. I've never been good at brevity, sorry! Also, on a different note, I answered the questions a LONG time ago, when I was a different person. Take the questions with a healthy dose of salt. (Yes, I know, I REALLY need to reanswer them.)

Perhaps I should start with... I'm different. Yeah, yeah, everyone says it, but when I hang out with the "different kids", I'm STILL different from all of them. Everything that I do that makes me an outlier, I seem to do differently from all the other outliers. Every category I put below, I can put "I'm _____, but I _____ different." It's interesting, but can be lonely.

I'm a geek. No, really. Big one. Always have been. It's my primary identity. (I'm also a fangirl, too.) I seem to geek different, though, because most big geek tropes, I'm not really into. Monty Python? Meh. Lord of the Rings? Pass. Tabletop RPGs? Too much dice rolling, too little role playing. Terry Pratchett? Can't stand him, sorry. (I've tried. On multiple occasions.) Anime? Not really. The big eyes bother me. So what DO I like? I love Star Trek, but Voyager is my favorite series. (I <3 the Doctor.) I used to do the Star Wars thing and the Doctor Who (yes, old Who & new Who) thing, but that's pretty much passed by now. I love Scott Pilgrim... I like the books better than the movie (and having lived in Toronto off and on for 2 years, I sometimes used to say "it's Scott Pilgrim's world, I just live in it".) (Also, blame SP for my latent hipster fetish.) I used to be a techie by trade. I'm an Apple nerd, having used Windows & Linux for years previously. I enjoy video games, but my taste is varied. (Anything from Portal to SMB3 to SimCity. EarthBound is my favorite video game of all time.) I also like geeky card games like Chez Geek, Fluxx & Munchkin. It's probably easier to get to know me as a geek personally than for me to spell it out to you. But know that it's there and it's a HUGE part of who I am.

The other huge part of who I am revolves around my sexual identities. I'm a big sex geek (I'm trying to be a sexual educator by trade), so I have many labels that describe who I am. I'm a politically-bisexual queer. I was assigned female at birth (I've got innie parts), but I identify along the trans spectrum as genderfluid. My gender shifts and changes. I'm more of a dude than a chick, usually. (The way I put it to most straight guys is... wouldn't it be great if hanging out with your girlfriend was like hanging out with your guy friends? Well, that's what casual hanging out with me is like.) When I'm attracted to feminine people, it brings out the guy in me; when I'm attracted to masculine people, it brings out the girl in me. (I do queer so het, I know... it's weird. What can I say, I enjoy dichotomies.) I'm also kinky... I identify as a switch who dominates feminine people and submits to masculine people. (I'm NOT a masochist, however. When I submit, I want to play with power, not pain. Mmm... power play. I AM a sadist, however, so I don't mind hurting you, if you like it.) I'm very involved in the kink Scene, both online on FetLife and offline.

I used to be non-monogamous, but these days I think I'm mostly monoamorous. Traditional monogamy is too possessive & gives me the creeps. A modified monogamy or a feminist monogamy I think will work best.

I'm primarily attracted to fat people (and not attracted to skinny people, especially skinny or buff men), to the point that it could easily be a sexual orientation for's not something I can help. I'm also unapologetically fat myself, which is a part of my identity. These things are important for you to know and understand.

This isn't something that I would usually identify as, but it shapes so much of my life experiences that I suppose I should start identifying as it. I have deeply disabling psychiatric challenges. Because of this, I'm forced to live in poverty. (In some ways. In others, not at all. My life is full of dichotomies, and it's a bit fracturing to the soul.) So disabled and poor, while not things I would usually identify as, are things that deeply affect my life and therefore my view of the world. So, yes. I'm also disabled and poor.

I'm an extrovert and an urbanite. These are very important to me. I grew up isolated in rural Pennsylvania, so I have no idealistic dreams of country life. It's hard and it's lonely.

Politically, I'm on the left side of things, but I'm quite nuanced. I'm a lower-case-S-socialistic progressive liberal Democrat who cares enough about personal liberties & freedoms that I lean libertarian occasionally, but never about things like social programs. (To me, putting personal liberties and freedoms first IS liberal, but apparently a lot of liberals don't agree with this. *shrug*) I used to be one of those really politically active far-left liberals (I have the button collection to prove it. ;-) ), but then I burnt out bad and never really got completely back into it again. I agree with a number of radical liberal teachings, but I also think they go way too far at times. I've put before that I'm proud to shake my head at the Right, but saddened when I feel the need to do it at the Left, at my own people. I think that sums things up nicely.

Frankly, though, I hate talking politics & I hate politics in general. Due to one of my disabilities, I'm no good at figuring out when people are lying (which is the entire gist of politics) and caring so hard but not being able to make enough of a difference is really bad for my mental health, so I've had to step away. Also, I think a person's politics needs to be tempered by ethics/morals. (I'm not telling you WHICH ethics you need to have... that's up to you, but they need to be important to you and informing.) If you think that a person's politics can make them a bad person, or if you think they can replace ethics, we're probably not going to get along. (For example: radical politics talks about the uprising of the oppressed, but it never once states that it's not ok to hurt individuals within the oppressor on your way up. I think that's wrong & it's where ethics need to temper politics. Rise up w/o hurting anyone.)

Spiritually? Technically I'm an Agnostic Spiritual Humanist Unitarian Universalist. I lean atheist (or, maybe more accurately, I lean quite far away from the "woo" end of the spectrum... I don't "believe" in anything... I think it all has scientific explanations often times dealing with the way the brain works [or simply doesn't exist] but that shouldn't lessen the awesome). All that being said, I was raised Roman Catholic, and I still really enjoy its trappings, even if I don't believe its dogma. I have a deep seated need for familiar (that's important) religious ritual. My spiritual path has encompassed many religious at various times. I was big into liberal Judaism previously (I still like their "question everything" approach to religion & their idea of tikkun olam [only I apply it to all of humanity]); I kinda feel like I'm "called" (which is interesting considering I don't believe in anything that could do the "calling") to reconcile the messages from Roman Catholicism & my personal, far more liberal & agnostic beliefs; and recently Islam has caught my interest.

The older I get, the more tolerant I seem to be getting (and the more I see intolerance around me on all ends of the spectrum). And that's tolerant of EVERYONE, including those that I oppose politically. I believe everyone's entitled to their own religious beliefs, political beliefs, and other beliefs and no one else has a right to tell them different. You might be a far right winged Religious Right Christian... and that's fine for you to believe as you do. Just don't force your beliefs on me. Also, the older I get, the more I'm thinking the answers to life/happiness/whatever lie somewhere in the middle instead of the extremes. Which is an interesting realization for someone who's so naturally an outlier. I like getting older... I'm getting wiser which is making life easier. I'm LOVING being in my 30s.

Ok, enough with the heavy stuff. What else am I into? Well, I'm a transit geek. I've ridden mass transit in over 20 different systems in 4 different countries. (That being said, I also enjoy driving. Go figure.) I already mentioned that I love cities, but it's worth stating again. Having lived in the St. James Town area of Toronto, I miss living in an extremely dense & extremely diverse urban downtown core with so many different ethnic neighborhoods so close. I also miss the urban nerd scene there... it was a city full of people who love cities & who love making them great via community action & politics. I enjoy singing (Alto) and swimming (casually, not laps), both of which I don't get enough opportunities to do anymore. I live to travel and to dress up in costumes, but I've never done both at the same time. I'm a food nerd/foodie, specifically for tea, wine and cheese. I love cuisine from around the world, and it seems I have a particular passion for Asian cuisines. (Thai, Vietnamese, & Indian top the list, with Korean & Japanese not far behind. Chinese I can take or leave.) I also love Ethiopian food (blame living in DC)... really any very savory or complex cuisine, I adore. I'm an adventurous eater... there's little on Bizarre Foods I wouldn't try. (And putting 2 of my loves together, I love travel food shows.) I've recently been teaching myself how to cook. I used to keep ovo-lacto vegetarian 1 day a week, for Meatfree Mondays, and should really get back into that again. I like animals... I love dogs (and me & my housemate are seriously considering getting one), hate cats, used to have pet rats and miss having goldfish.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Well, my mental disability is a pretty strong one, and requires a LOT of my attention. Because of this, I can't hold down a traditional 9-5 job. So I spend my time working on making myself a better & healthier & happier person. Some of it is therapy, some of it is peer support, some of it is internal reflection, some of it is trying things & taking leaps of faith.

I also spend my time trying to make the world a better place, and the people in it better people. I theorize a lot & write quite a bit.

I'm also spending time trying to figure out how to spend my days in ways that are fulfilling to me. Part of that is trying to figure out how to make employment work better for me. Trying to figure out how to find jobs that would work around my disability instead of trying to figure out how to make my disability work around my job (tried that, didn't work). Trying to figure out how to monetize (I can't believe I just used that word) my talents. (Doesn't everyone do this?) I'm considering culinary school &/or personal chef, and I hope to become a Lyft driver soon. (I'd probably also be good at interior decorating, as I redid my apartment and I redid a friend's bathroom.) I'm already hired as a personal assistant for 1 person. I proofread their blog entries, I'm a personal shopper for them, and sometimes I'm a fashion consultant (which is pretty funny, because I'm not that fashionable).

Outside of that, I've always wanted to do some kind of travel-food thing (show? blog? Don't know what medium yet.) for people on very low budgets. None of the shows on TV have that. (Another option is a travel-food-cooking show where they teach you to make some of the dishes that they tried while traveling.) Anyone wanna help me out with writing scripts and shooting that and editing footage? I have no video experience.

I'm trying to find my life partner. For me, relationships are the most important thing in my life, and having a partner is the thing that makes me the happiest, hands down. When I have that, I feel like I'm set to go do other stuff... I have the support & love I need. I'm just not truly HAPPY without someone important and special in my life. Sure, I can kinda go do stuff ("accomplish things" as if the only things worth accomplishing are some kind of standard life goals), but I'm just not HAPPY or SATISFIED.

Also, travelling.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Singing. Being hyper and totally random. Eating. Being loud. Geeking out. Some would say being fun even. Oh, and procrastinating... oh my God, you have NO idea... REALLY.

People have told me on multiple occasions that I'm good at doing presentations, at standing in front of a crowd (or a few) and teaching people something. To me, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal... I'm usually speaking on something that I know well, and I just stand and deliver. It comes naturally to me.

Actually, I'm good at performing and being in front of a crowd in general if I'm up there doing something that I know I'm good at. I can get up in front of a crowd of people and sing, or I can teach a packed room, full of hackers, all about human sexuality. Knowing that all eyes are on me doesn't really bother me that much. I'm a sucker for the spotlight... I love attention.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Honestly, I have no idea. I never asked anyone. So what I wrote below is a shot in the dark.

I'm really freaking short.

Some people have said/noticed that I have a really nice eyes and/or a really nice smile. I say see for yourself.

When I have freaky colored hair, my hair.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
(a) Microserfs. Hands down, it's my favorite book of all time. I've read it a ton of times. The Scott Pilgrim series. Stone Butch Blues. Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws. The Leather Daddy & The Femme. Deviant Desires (fascinating non-fiction book on various "rare" kinks). (And, FWIW, I must be the only geek in the universe who doesn't like Terry Pratchett (I've tried a number of times... and yes, I've tried Good Omens, because I like Gaiman in Sandman of the Endless). I also must be the only geek who isn't really into fantasy that much. The whole "medieval" setting of most fantasy [knights and dragons, lack of technology, etc., ad nauseum] really doesn't do it for me. I do enjoy fantasy set in modern times, though, like the Harry Potter series.)

(b) I'm not much of a movie person... I'm far more of a TV person. The idea of sitting still for 2 hours does not amuse my ADHD. If I had to pick a favorite movie, I guess I'd have to say Muppets Christmas Carol. (Seriously.) 2nd is Her (you know, the Spike Jonze flick). Other favorites, in no particular order: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Wreck-It Ralph, V for Vendetta, any of the Disney/Pixar films (Toy Story 3 was mindblowing!), Spaceballs, The Matrix, The American President, Blues Brothers, Austin Powers (all of them, but 2 is my favorite), American Pie (all of them), South Park, Beavis and Butthead Do America, Office Space, Sleepless in Seattle.

(c) TV Shows: Corner Gas, Little Mosque on the Prairie, Being Erica, 30 Rock, Man v. Food, any of the Star Treks except for the original series ( Star Trek: Voyager is my favorite), Scrubs, Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre Foods, Heroes, Frasier, Daria, Doctor Who (the old series as well as the new one), Battlestar Galactica (the new series), West Wing, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

(d) Rock, Alternative, Filk, Folk, Classical (oh, Beethoven!), Indian Classical, Oldies, Metal, The Beatles, Dave Matthews Band, Billy Joel, They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Great Big Sea, Spirit of the West, Jonathan Coulton/JoCo, Paul & Storm, Josh Cutts, Freezepop, Jacob Two-Two (I also love the kids' show), Da Vinci's Notebook.

(e) Sushi, Curry (Thai & Indian, but not Singapore Curry Noodles), Ethiopian, Indian, French, Korean BBQ, Vietnamese (esp. bánh mì & phở), pad thai, Nutella, certain parts of American/Canadian cooking (I *ADORE* anything with buffalo/hot wing sauce, and I love a good chicken club sandwich. My comfort food is homemade/baked mac & cheese [not the box crap].) Oh, and Chipotle. Korean food is hit or miss for me. Not too crazy about the stews or bibimbap (found it bland) but I love Korean BBQ and bulgogi.

When I used to live in Canada, I missed Potbelly Sandwich Works & Amsterdam Falafelshop (my favorite restaurant back in DC) & Five Guys & Grandma Utz's potato chips & Cheez-Its. When I'm in the US, I miss Lick's Homeburgers & Pizza Pizza & All Dressed chips & Passion Flakey & actual Canadian peameal back bacon & poutine.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My old answer to this was "I've had to do w/o a bunch of things at various points in time, and I realize now that this question is pointless and irrelevant. You'd really be surprised the shit you can do w/o." That being said, it's become very clear to me that there ARE things that I can't do without, or at least I'm very unhappy when I do.

One of those is other people.

I'm one of those rare extroverted geeks. I need other people (sometimes I'm also a misanthrope, so it makes things tricky... hating people but NEEDING them), or, rather, what I really need is face-to-face interpersonal interaction. A significant amount of it on a daily basis. Video chatting helps to scratch that itch, but isn't the same, and IMing helps but not as much as video chatting. So, yes. Interpersonal interaction. (The problem here is... my work situation or lack thereof is completely non-conducive to it. Which is why I'm on here... trying to make friends to interact with on a regular basis so I'm not so damn lonely all the time and don't go so stir crazy.)

I'm also happiest when I have a lover/am in some form of stable relationship. I need emotional intimacy & physical affection and whereas I can get some of that from close friends (worse is that my closest friends don't even live in my state), it's not the same for me. I really need the kind of romantic intimacy that a lover relationship implies and close friends do not.

The other things? I'm much happier when I have: my music and a way to bring it with me, my glasses (it's NICE to be able to see), my Hitachi Magic Wand and a good dildo... oh, yeah, and a nice fast connection to the Internet. Although I'm finding that sometimes I just like to forget about the Web for a day or so and interact offline with people. I'm far less addicted to the Internet than I used to be, but that means I'm only 75% now instead of 95%.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Ethics. Spirituality. Sexuality. Kink. Love. Philosophy. Food. Geekery. Loneliness. Whatever video game I'm into at the time.

When I have a lover, my beloved.

Where I'm going with my life/what the hell I'm doing/life stuff that seems to dominate my consciousness (much to my chagrin). I'm good at being a worry wart. Once again, much to my chagrin.

Other than that, there are few things that I spend A LOT of time thinking about. One of the more fun things (that is, when it's fun... it can also be annoying) about having ADHD (like I have) is that your brain goes everywhere and you think about all KINDS of things... often times you can make connections that others would never dream of. It's kinda cool, really.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
...wishing I was better at scheduling social interaction, because it's yet another Friday night I don't have plans. (I wish this was more of a joke than it is.) (Of course, part of it may be just that I need friends that are less busy.)

So I'll spend it hanging out online (most likely on Tumblr or FetLife, which I use like Facebook, because I hate Facebook) or playing video games or watching TV or movies.

If I have some money, I might go to The Crucible, the local BDSM dungeon in DC. (Although that's usually more of a Saturday night thing.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm a VERY open person. Either I'll tell the world about something, or it's FAR too private to disclose online. It's something that VERY few people know about me.

So let's try to find something that's revealing about me.

Ok... I have one... I hope this won't drive you away.

In 2001, I was in the mental hospital for 5 days for depression and suicidal thoughts. They messed me up more instead of making me better. It really sucked and it was the worst 5 days of my life. I was very traumatized by the experience.

So... yeah... there's my private thing.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.'re a guy looking for your life partner (see more stuff below) or you're a person of any gender who lives near my house/on my side of the beltway looking for friends that you see on a regular basis (like at least 1x a week). All my friends either live too far away to visit me regularly or they're all too busy. I'm lonely... are you? Let's hang!

Looking for a Life Partner:
You're ready to find your life partner. And by "ready" I mean not just looking, but actually have the skills to do it. The ability to communicate (and do it well) about your wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings is paramount. (This requires the self awareness to be able to figure out how you feel about things.) Also important is reliability (and, to some extent, punctuality). I've been with too many guys who were flakey, and it really hurt my feelings. I felt like I wasn't worth committing to or I wasn't worth them getting their shit together for.

If you can deal with a "special needs girlfriend". (If you're looking for "laid back", "chill", or "low maintenance", I am NOT the girl for you. "Drama free" just means you don't want to have to deal with the realities of human interactions.) You have experience dealing with people with mental disabilities & are completely non-judgmental about it. (Preferably someone without mental disabilities themselves... I don't have the emotional energy to deal with yours as well as mine. However, if yours are under control, then I'd consider it.) I have ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, & some depression. I deal with it 24/7/365... if you're with me, you will too. It's a fact of my life. I've got some needs that are above and beyond your average needs for a girlfriend. (I need a LOT of attention & affection & reassurance. That's just the tip of the iceberg.) I realize this isn't the best thing to put in a dating ad, but I also want to be straight up with you because I've been disappointed too many times by people who couldn't handle it.

I haven't found a better place to put this, but my ideal match for a life partner is currently single (ideal would be someone who's ok in both monogamous as well as non-monogamous relationships, outside of that, someone mono or mostly mono. Someone who requires polyamory to be happy isn't a good match.), male, chubby/fat/very fat but also muscular/has some strength (or that enjoys exercise), has dark eyes, dark hair, (optional) a slightly darker complexion (part Middle Eastern or South East Asian perhaps?), (optional) good facial hair, a sharp (and open) mind, a great smile, a good sense of humor that isn't too sarcastic (& that doesn't put me down, even to be funny), a kind & caring heart, very generous, cares about ethics/tries to be as ethical as possible, fully honest, and is a big geek. If this sounds like you, ZOMG PING ME NAO.

You don't mind truly STRANGE people. Or you really like quirky, chubby short girls who are bubbly and bright and speak their minds, who need a lot of cuddles and touch and attention and who are very open about their sexuality.

Honestly, I'm attracted almost exclusively to fat men. So if you're skinny or buff (read: six-pack abs... a pot belly but strong biceps is HOT!), I'm sorry, but it just won't work. It has nothing to do with being close-minded, as someone accused me of, but more just an orientation that I can't help. (I wish I could... really. It would make things a lot easier.) Women, my attractions lay more all over, but I still do tend towards the BBWs.

I used to have this thing on here where I said I like the enemies part of the matching algorithm. But the more I'm on here, the more I'm growing wary of it. Still, if you're over 20% enemy, I'm gonna have to rethink it. If you're 40% or 50% or more enemy, don't even bother messaging me, because we're most likely not compatible. I also pay attention to how many questions you've answered. If it's not many, I'm also going to be wary because your results will probably be off. Go answer some more questions.

You SHOULDN'T message me if...
you're not smart. I can't stand stupid people... really. I really am an intellectual elitist.

You shouldn't message me if you're arrogant (I like confident yet humble people).

If you're too far away. I'm considering the DC area (first priority... bonus points if you're in MD!), Baltimore area, Philly area, NYC, urban/suburban NJ & urban DE. I would possibly consider Richmond & Pittsburgh, too. I'm not interested in people in the rural areas between those places, unless you're willing to relocate to the city and could be happy in the city. (In short, you've got to be around a 4 hour or less trip for us to see each other. Eventually, I'd want us to live together. I would consider moving to you if I liked it there enough. (I like NYC enough & have always considered living there.))

You also shouldn't message me if you're in the military, you were in the military in the past and are proud or ok with it (if you feel you made the wrong choice or you're ashamed of it, that's fine... everyone makes mistakes) or avidly pro-military (I'm *extremely* anti-military... as in, I feel "serving" in the military isn't serving our country, it's joining an inherently unethical (possibly even "sinful" and I rarely use that word) institution that kills people. I feel people in the military should be ashamed of what they're doing and should look and see where their lives went wrong. (I am ashamed my relatives were in the military. I'm even more ashamed that they're proud of it.) If you want to truly serve our country, go do something to help your fellow humans. Firefighter & EMT are great choices. Public service is a great way to TRULY serve our country. Peace Corps and Americorps are also excellent options to serve our country.)

If you're a man who thinks you're God's gift to female kind (ESPECIALLY if you think such because you're buff).

Oh, and just because sex is one of my academic & social interests doesn't mean I'm looking for casual sex. I'm just not into it these days.

And I really shouldn't have to say this, but if you message me, write with actual words, and actually try to spell things correctly and use proper capitalization and punctuation. I mean, it's your first impression with me... don't you want to make a good one and come off as intelligent and eloquent? Oh, and U and R are NOT words. How hard is it to type the extra 2 characters?

Also, a note to the African-American gentlemen out there. If you're a black man just looking for a piece of hot, white, fat ass, I'm not your girl, so PLEASE don't even try. (Not trying to be racist, it's just that I've been getting a LOT of messages from Black guys that are just interested in me for sex because I'm fat and white. If they can just want me for my race and size, I'm allowed to reject them because we have different desires, right?) However, chubby nerdy black guys who are feminist and egalitarian and respectful (some might call that "white acting", but I find that ridiculous) and who are looking for a relationship with a geeky girl, feel free to apply within.

If you're a kind, intelligent, eloquent, geeky, liberal guy (or girl) that can carry on a good conversation about Scott Pilgrim or gender theory or OS X or comics or weightlifting or something of mutual interest, it couldn't hurt to drop me a mail.