I'll just come out and say that I would find it enjoyable to spend time with a smart, funny, interesting person of the opposite sex. We don't have to shack up, you don't have to like my cats (but they will like you. A lot.), I won't call/text you constantly, but I would like you to appreciate me as a person and be interested in spending time with me doing recreational activities of some sort. If you happen to be a great kisser and would be interested in kissing me (as opposed to a great kisser with no interest whatsoever in kissing me), then I would find that quite pleasing as well.

I've discovered that I will drop hints from subtle to the size of anvils but if you don't pick them up (and especially if I'm drunk and/or really annoyed), I will be very blunt. This never seems to go over well but, for me, it's a nice change from being terrified to be honest with people because they might not like me anymore.

That being said, on to the long (and insomnia-curing) profile:

Some things worth mentioning:

- If you can judge a person by their friends, then I am fan-freakin'-tastic and totally awesome. lemniscateheart is my best friend, the other half of my brain, and one of the funniest, most adorkable people ever. We talk about everything so that means if you message us both, we'll probably compare notes. sophygurl, my other best friend, is funny, genuine, thoughtful, and incredibly empathetic. They're the main reasons I moved to WI. You should check them out. I am a far, far better person for having them in my life.
- I'm a fat chick and I'm 100% comfortable with my body. I weight somewhere between 320 and 340 at any given time. The more polite may call me a BBW or use adjectives like voluptuous, curvy, zaftig, chubby, plump, cuddly or whathaveyou, but 'fat' works just fine for me.
- "lol" is NOT punctuation.
- My sense of humor is dry and sarcastic and I deeply appreciate a quick wit. Demetri Martin, Steven Wright, Craig Ferguson, Eddie Izzard, Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious D, British comedies like Spaced, Green Wing, Coupling, and Black Books, British panel shows like QI, Mock the Week, and Nevermind the Buzzcocks are all things/people that can make me laugh out loud. Community, Cougar Town, How I Met Your Mother, and The Big Bang Theory can also make me LOL. (See how that works re: previous point?)
- I love kids, but I can't have them. This doesn't bother me, but it's just worth mentioning.
- I'm definitely not one of the hip, cool kids. I'm nerdy, dorky, and a little awkward. I'm proud to be a nerd and a dork and the awkwardness passes once I get to know someone and my nerdorkiness beomes charming. Really.
- Hard limits: Recreational drugs, habitual alcohol use/abuse, domestic violence/anger issues, sexual interest in minors.

Things I love:
- Scrabble. I'm not the greatest player, but I'm pretty good. I like challenging myself and I like that it's a strategic game. My highest-ever score is 587. My average is 392(!).
- Music and live shows. I love country/bluegrass, folk, folk-pop, girls-with-guitars, and "alternative" as well as a cappella, collegiate groups, barbershop, etc. and anything with old-timey flavor (like The Ditty Bops). I'm down with pretty much everything but heavy opera. A lot of people say, "I like almost everything," but I'm pretty sure I really mean it. I even like top 40 and hip-hop.
- Pop culture.
- Bulleted lists. They force me to be more succinct. (Ha!)
- Geocaching. Not the spidery parts, but I do like finding things.
I am quirky, wordy, and stubborn.

- Working 3rd shift weekends.
- Playing Scrabble every week and studying more using Zyzzyva (http://www.zyzzyva.net).
- Looking for social things to do.

- cooking
- making up silly new lyrics to songs and making up limericks/haiku
- wordy things
- random, useless trivia
- finding things/information

I'm really bad at:
- phone calls (probably because I've done too much phone-related work)
- art

I'm fat. After that, probably my hair then my eyes. I have awesome eyes.

Favorite Books: paperback -- they're so much less pretentious and easier to carry around and actually *read*. I am addicted to sci-fi and fantasy, but I do have standards; I once described Robert Jordan and Terry Goodkind as the "'Two Girls, One Cup' of fantasy fiction." I'm currently on the lookout for used copies of the Discworld books. I LOVE used books and early sci-fi especially. I am also terribly fond of YA, especially some of the more recent sf/f stuff.

Just finished reading: George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) series so far. It's like I've been in a long-term relationship with it and now that I'm caught up, I just don't know what to do with myself. I have Patrick Rothfuss's first Kingkiller Chronicles book queued up, but I just can't commit yet, so I've been rebounding with romance novels, both professionally- and self-published. Both are often hilarious. I also recently read the 50 Shades trilogy. The writing was better than Twilight, but the domestic violence overtones (and D/s is *not* the same as DV) were pretty disturbing.

Favorite Movies: Ones starring Kevin Kline, Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn, and Jimmy Stewart; musical ones, subtitled ones... I'll watch "When Harry Met Sally" every time it's on and cry at the same parts every time. I know this makes me an incredibly sappy goober. "Delicatessen" makes me giggle. I know every word of "The Music Man" and the musical version of "Little Shop Of Horrors". Of course, I'll also watch "Zoolander" every time it's on Comedy Central. I am easily amused. My favorite genres tend to be "old," "musical," and "comedy." I've recently added "good explodey" to the list of favorite genres. "Good explodey" being when the bad guys blow up and "bad explodey" being when the good guys blow up. I prefer my action movies with a graphic novel/comic book bent.

Most recently watched: The Avengers. I don't get to the movies much? Enjoyed the hell out of it, though.

Favorite TV: I regularly watch Modern Family, Bones, Castle, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Louie, Happy Endings, New Girl, Revenge, Cougar Town, Men at Work, Glee, Smash, Community, Once Upon a Time, Awkward, Suburgatory, Up All Night, True Blood, Game of Thrones... and a few others. I have watched Buffy, Angel, BSG (the new one), S1 of Dark Angel, seasons 1-6.5 of Supernatural, seasons 1-8 of Smallville, seasons 1-3 of X-Files, Roswell, seasons 1-early 4 of Eureka... I think you get the drift.

Currently watching: Not a lot, really. s4 of Scrubs and s6 of Supernatural during meals. I've yet to finish the latest seasons of True Blood and Doctor Who. Recently watched and enjoyed the first episode of Better Off Ted.

Favorite Music: A cappella, Broadway musicals, disco/dance/techno, folk, oldies, the Beatles, "alternative", pop, Barbershop, (a cappella) Southern gospel (If Stamps-Baxter means anything to you, that's awesome), pop/rock from the '50s-present. My "everything" station on Pandora is all '80s. I'm trying to expand my classic and modern rap repertoire because of SongPop. ;P

Favorite albums: Paul Simon's Graceland; Ella Fitzgerald's George and Ira Gershwin Songbook; Emmylou Harris, Dolly Parton & Linda Ronstadt's Trio & Trio II; The Three Stooges' The Three Stooges Sing For Kids; The Beatles' Sgt Pepper's; Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Jonathan Coulton's Best. Concert. Ever., Virginia Rodrigues's Sol Negro, Mika's Life In Cartoon Motion.

Favorite Foods to Eat: thai, chinese, japanese, indian, jamaican, most anything gluten-free, steak

Favorite Foods to Cook: cheddarwurst chowder, chicken and dumplings, porcupine stroganoff meatballs (the ultimate mashup of comfort foods!), thai yellow curry

- Uninterrupted sleep.
- Warmth (but not TOO much).
- An effective backscratcher.
- My best friend.
- My cats.
- A roof over my head.

- Story ideas that never actually get written.
- Why there are so many mean people in the world.
- Monkeys.
- Post-apocalyptic dreams I keep having.
- Anagrams, alphagrams, anamonics, and mnemonics.

I've also been thinking about these blog posts lately, you should read them especially if you've ever thought you're one of those "nice guys":

http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/

http://faerye.net/post/the-puzzle-box

http://yeti-detective.tumblr.com/post/38349905931/we-need-to-talk-about-the-friendzone

I work Friday nights. On my my first night off, I usually spend it with my best friends doing laundry, playing games, and being generally silly. My second night off is usually spent running errands. The third night off is usually spent playing Scrabble. Then it's back to work.

- You'll notice I'm not a terribly private person.

- I always pick "truth" when playing "truth or dare" and I will (nearly) always answer a direct question honestly. Guys tend to interpret the lack of dissembling as some sort of flirting. I don't get that. If someone asks me, "What color underwear are you wearing?" and I respond, "I'm not wearing any," I'm not trying to be sexy, I'm just telling the truth.

- You know what? A lot of people say they're "laid-back" and "cool." I am neither of those things. I'm very liberal and open-minded and my boundaries may not lie where others' do (both physically and emotionally) so I may appear to be very casual, but I can be pretty damned uptight about some things. I am also awkward with new people, dorky, nerdy, and geeky. I'm weird, but once I get to know you and *if* I get comfortable with you, my super-amazing-awesomeness shines through.

- You should probably also know that persistence almost always fails with me. If I tell you "no," asking again in five minutes isn't going to get you anywhere.

- I'm somewhat less (more?) than vanilla.

- You're interested in playing Scrabble or other word games, board games or card games. I'm always up for kicking some ass. ;)
- You're capable of interesting conversation. I crave intellectual stimulation and I need the practice.
- You're smart and can make me laugh.
- You wouldn't be ashamed of being seen with a fat girl. Honestly, I'd be ashamed of being seen with someone who'd be ashamed of being seen with me.
- Heck, if you've made it this far, you should message me just so I can give you a virtual gold star. You're obviously a masochist. (or I am obviously very charming!) ;)

If I've messaged you:
- I probably didn't ask any questions. This baffles some people. I prefer to get to know people as we go along. I suppose it's because I feel weird when people grill me and I don't think your choice of mayo vs. miracle whip (though the correct answer is Best Foods or Hellman's (in that order and, yes, they are different)) really matters. If we click friend-wise or otherwise, we click. If we don't, knowing that your favorite color is sunset orange isn't going to change anything.
- I'm not necessarily interested in jumping your bones. I may just think you seem like someone I'd like to hang out with or talk to.

You should NOT message me if:

- You want to start things off with telephone calls. I really hate the phone. A lot. We can IM or e-mail or txt or even meet in person once we've established a good rapport on here. Any of those work for me.

- You think atheism is just a phase or that atheists just haven't "found God" yet. I don't believe in God and while I respect the beliefs of those who do and would be happy to date someone who does if we otherwise clicked, my faith (or lack thereof) is not a negotiable point.