(Before we go any further, you should know I have a pet peeve about messages on dating sites. You can't have known this ahead of time so that's okay, but it really, really bugs me when a person messages me and within an exchange or two dumps the burden of conversation onto me. Something like, this:
You: Hi, how are you?
Me: Good, thanks, you?
You: Good. So what do you want to talk about?
Maybe younger, more eager, less jaded persons jump right in--I'm sure I took the bait when I was dewy-eyed--but I just can't do that. You have to do some of the actual work. If you don't know what to talk about, why are you talking to me at all?
So I ask you to please try reading my profile and then commenting on something we have in common, something on which we differ wildly, or just something that struck you as interesting and then asking a question that *isn't* "How are you?" Which is a question that, according to the social contract, has a finite range of acceptable answers that start with "fine" and end with any synonym for "fantastic." (You can assume that I will tell you I am fine even if I happen to have one foot caught in a bear trap and my head firmly lodged in a wasp's nest whilst suspended above a deep canyon into which I will plummet, screaming "yahoohoohooey!" the moment I free my head and see just where I am.)
I think you'll get a better response from anyone that way because you're indicating that you took the time to read their profile and you are asking questions that elicit more enthusiastic responses.
Here's an example of how to start:
You: Hey, you like Scrabble? I love Scrabble! What do you think about *latest Scrabble controversy*? [You'd be surprised...]
Me: *answers* *asks you question* *conversation ensues*
See how well that worked?)
I'll just come out and say that I would find it enjoyable to spend time with a smart, funny, interesting person of the opposite sex. We don't have to shack up, you don't have to like my cats (but they will like you. A lot.), I won't call/text you constantly, but I would like you to appreciate me as a person and be interested in spending time with me doing recreational activities of some sort. If you happen to be a great kisser and would be interested in kissing me (as opposed to a great kisser with no interest whatsoever in kissing me), then I would find that quite pleasing as well.
It may be terribly pessimistic, but I work off the assumption that you are not into fat girls or, at least, not into super-fat girls. That's OK , we all have preferences, but to avoid awkwardness and to save you from feeling weird about ignoring my inevitably dorky message, I am leaving the ball firmly in your court. If you like me, message me and I'll reply and we'll have a lovely chat. Promise.
That being said, on to the long (and insomnia-curing) profile:
Some things worth mentioning:
- I am generally cis het (bicuddly rather than bisexual), but I am pretty definitely grey-romantic.
- If you can judge a person by their friends, then I am fan-freakin'-tastic and totally awesome. lemniscateheart is my best friend, the other half of my brain, and one of the funniest, most adorkable people ever. We talk about everything so that means if you message us both, we'll probably compare notes. sophygurl, my other best friend, is funny, genuine, thoughtful, and incredibly empathetic. They're the main reasons I moved to WI. You should check them out. I am a far, far better person for having them in my life.
- I'm a fat chick and I'm 100% comfortable with my body. I weight somewhere between 350 and 375 at any given time. The more polite may call me a BBW/SSBBW or use adjectives like voluptuous, curvy, zaftig, chubby, plump, cuddly or whathaveyou, but 'fat' works just fine for me.
- "lol" is NOT punctuation.
- My sense of humor is dry and sarcastic and I deeply appreciate a quick wit. Demetri Martin, Steven Wright, Craig Ferguson, Eddie Izzard, Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious D, British comedies like Spaced, Green Wing, Coupling, and Black Books, British panel shows like QI, Mock the Week, and Nevermind the Buzzcocks are all things/people that can make me laugh out loud. Community, Cougar Town, How I Met Your Mother, and The Big Bang Theory can also make me LOL. (See how that works re: previous point?)
- I love kids, but I can't have them. This doesn't bother me, but it's just worth mentioning.
- I'm definitely not one of the hip, cool kids. I'm nerdy, dorky, and a little awkward. I'm proud to be a nerd and a dork and the awkwardness passes once I get to know someone and my nerdorkiness beomes charming. Really.
- Hard limits: Recreational drugs, habitual alcohol use/abuse, domestic violence/anger issues, sexual interest in minors.
Things I love:
- Scrabble. I'm not the greatest player, but I'm pretty good. I like challenging myself and I like that it's a strategic game. My highest-ever score is 587. My average is 392(!).
- Music and live shows. I love country/bluegrass, folk, folk-pop, girls-with-guitars, and "alternative" as well as a cappella, collegiate groups, barbershop, etc. and anything with old-timey flavor (like The Ditty Bops). I'm down with pretty much everything but heavy opera. A lot of people say, "I like almost everything," but I'm pretty sure I really mean it.
- Pop culture.
- Bulleted lists. They force me to be more succinct. (Ha!)
- Geocaching. Not the spidery parts, but I do like finding things.
- You should know that I have a chronic headache disorder that leaves me in pain ranging from 6 to 9 on the pain scale, even with medication, pretty much non-stop. I have other health issues, but this is the most limiting. I am not looking for someone to fix me, take care of me, or financially support me. I am, like pretty much everyone else on here, looking for fun, compatibility, companionship, and that rather elusive spark.
Unfortunately, because my pain level does fluctuate, all my plans have to be tentative. It is nothing personal. At all. There are just times when I cannot handle regular levels of light and sound.
- I am quirky, wordy, and stubborn.