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39 Madison, WI Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 23–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Jul 28
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Full figured
Strictly anything
When drinking
Atheism, and laughing about it
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Working on university
Rather not say
Mostly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English, Spanish (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
If you know how to start a conversation, you can skip the parenthetical:

(Before we go any further, you should know I have a pet peeve about messages on dating sites. You can't have known this ahead of time so that's okay, but it really, really bugs me when a person messages me and within an exchange or two dumps the burden of conversation onto me. Something like, this:

You: Hi, how are you?
Me: Good, thanks, you?
You: Good. So what do you want to talk about?
Me: *crickets*

Maybe younger, more eager, less jaded persons jump right in--I'm sure I took the bait when I was dewy-eyed--but I just can't do that. You have to do some of the actual work. If you don't know what to talk about, why are you talking to me at all?

So I ask you to please try reading my profile and then commenting on something we have in common, something on which we differ wildly, or just something that struck you as interesting and then asking a question that *isn't* "How are you?" Which is a question that, according to the social contract, has a finite range of acceptable answers that start with "fine" and end with any synonym for "fantastic." (You can assume that I will tell you I am fine even if I happen to have one foot caught in a bear trap and my head firmly lodged in a wasp's nest whilst suspended above a deep canyon into which I will plummet, screaming "yahoohoohooey!" the moment I free my head and see just where I am.)

I think you'll get a better response from anyone that way because you're indicating that you took the time to read their profile and you are asking questions that elicit more enthusiastic responses.

Here's an example of how to start:
You: Hey, you like Scrabble? I love Scrabble! What do you think about *latest Scrabble controversy*? [You'd be surprised...]
Me: *answers* *asks you question* *conversation ensues*

See how well that worked?)

I'll just come out and say that I would find it enjoyable to spend time with a smart, funny, interesting person of the opposite sex. We don't have to shack up, you don't have to like my cats (but they will like you. A lot.), I won't call/text you constantly, but I would like you to appreciate me as a person and be interested in spending time with me doing recreational activities of some sort. If you happen to be a great kisser and would be interested in kissing me (as opposed to a great kisser with no interest whatsoever in kissing me), then I would find that quite pleasing as well.

It may be terribly pessimistic, but I work off the assumption that you are not into fat girls or, at least, not into super-fat girls. That's OK , we all have preferences, but to avoid awkwardness and to save you from feeling weird about ignoring my inevitably dorky message, I am leaving the ball firmly in your court. If you like me, message me and I'll reply and we'll have a lovely chat. Promise.

That being said, on to the long (and insomnia-curing) profile:

Some things worth mentioning:

- I am generally cis het (bicuddly rather than bisexual), but I am pretty definitely grey-romantic.
- If you can judge a person by their friends, then I am fan-freakin'-tastic and totally awesome. lemniscateheart is my best friend, the other half of my brain, and one of the funniest, most adorkable people ever. We talk about everything so that means if you message us both, we'll probably compare notes. sophygurl, my other best friend, is funny, genuine, thoughtful, and incredibly empathetic. They're the main reasons I moved to WI. You should check them out. I am a far, far better person for having them in my life.
- I'm a fat chick and I'm 100% comfortable with my body. I weight somewhere between 350 and 375 at any given time. The more polite may call me a BBW/SSBBW or use adjectives like voluptuous, curvy, zaftig, chubby, plump, cuddly or whathaveyou, but 'fat' works just fine for me.
- "lol" is NOT punctuation.
- My sense of humor is dry and sarcastic and I deeply appreciate a quick wit. Demetri Martin, Steven Wright, Craig Ferguson, Eddie Izzard, Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious D, British comedies like Spaced, Green Wing, Coupling, and Black Books, British panel shows like QI, Mock the Week, and Nevermind the Buzzcocks are all things/people that can make me laugh out loud. Community, Cougar Town, How I Met Your Mother, and The Big Bang Theory can also make me LOL. (See how that works re: previous point?)
- I love kids, but I can't have them. This doesn't bother me, but it's just worth mentioning.
- I'm definitely not one of the hip, cool kids. I'm nerdy, dorky, and a little awkward. I'm proud to be a nerd and a dork and the awkwardness passes once I get to know someone and my nerdorkiness beomes charming. Really.
- Hard limits: Recreational drugs, habitual alcohol use/abuse, domestic violence/anger issues, sexual interest in minors.

Things I love:
- Scrabble. I'm not the greatest player, but I'm pretty good. I like challenging myself and I like that it's a strategic game. My highest-ever score is 587. My average is 392(!).
- Music and live shows. I love country/bluegrass, folk, folk-pop, girls-with-guitars, and "alternative" as well as a cappella, collegiate groups, barbershop, etc. and anything with old-timey flavor (like The Ditty Bops). I'm down with pretty much everything but heavy opera. A lot of people say, "I like almost everything," but I'm pretty sure I really mean it.
- Pop culture.
- Bulleted lists. They force me to be more succinct. (Ha!)
- Geocaching. Not the spidery parts, but I do like finding things.
- You should know that I have a chronic headache disorder that leaves me in pain ranging from 6 to 9 on the pain scale, even with medication, pretty much non-stop. I have other health issues, but this is the most limiting. I am not looking for someone to fix me, take care of me, or financially support me. I am, like pretty much everyone else on here, looking for fun, compatibility, companionship, and that rather elusive spark.
Unfortunately, because my pain level does fluctuate, all my plans have to be tentative. It is nothing personal. At all. There are just times when I cannot handle regular levels of light and sound.
- I am quirky, wordy, and stubborn.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
- Often hiding in the dark with my head under a pillow, sadly.
- Writing Regency Historical romance novels. (I've been a little obsessed lately.)
- Playing Scrabble as often as I can.
- Looking for social things to do when I am able.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
- cooking
- making up silly new lyrics to songs and making up limericks/haiku
- wordy things
- random, useless trivia
- finding things/information

I'm really bad at:
- phone calls (probably because I've done too much phone-related work)
- art
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm fat. After that, probably my hair then my sun glasses. I have awesome eyes, but light hurts me. A lot.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Favorite Books: I am addicted to sci-fi and fantasy, but I do have standards; I once described Robert Jordan and Terry Goodkind as the "'Two Girls, One Cup' of fantasy fiction." I'm currently on the lookout for used copies of the Discworld books. I LOVE used books and early sci-fi especially. I am also terribly fond of YA, especially some of the more recent sf/f stuff.

George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) series kind of broke me. It's like I was in a long-term relationship with it and now that I'm caught up, I just don't know what to do with myself. I have spent the last couple years rebounding with romance novels, both professionally- and self-published. Both are often hilarious. I somehow got stuck on Regency and Regency Historical romances and then I found myself having a bit of a manic episode and WRITING one. I wrote 36k words in about as many hours. I'm now up to around 75k (that's 300 pages!!) on my first draft of my first novel and about 15k on my second. Previously, the longest thing I ever wrote was about 4k. I never thought I could write a book. Ever. Not that it's necessarily a GOOD book, but it's a book that I wrote. Suddenly I kind of understand the self-publishers.

Favorite Movies: Ones starring Kevin Kline, Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn, and Jimmy Stewart; musical ones, subtitled ones... I'll watch "When Harry Met Sally" every time it's on and cry at the same parts every time. I know this makes me an incredibly sappy goober. "Delicatessen" makes me giggle. I know every word of "The Music Man" and the musical version of "Little Shop Of Horrors". Of course, I'll also watch "Zoolander" every time it's on Comedy Central. I am easily amused. My favorite genres tend to be "old," "musical," and "comedy." I've recently added "good explodey" to the list of favorite genres. "Good explodey" being when the bad guys blow up and "bad explodey" being when the good guys blow up. I prefer my action movies with a graphic novel/comic book bent.

Favorite TV: I regularly watch Modern Family, Bones, Castle, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Louie, Happy Endings, New Girl, Revenge, Cougar Town, Men at Work, Glee, Smash, Community, Once Upon a Time, Awkward, Suburgatory, Up All Night, True Blood, Game of Thrones... and a few others. I have watched Buffy, Angel, BSG (the new one), S1 of Dark Angel, seasons 1-6.5 of Supernatural, seasons 1-8 of Smallville, seasons 1-3 of X-Files, Roswell, seasons 1-early 4 of Eureka... I think you get the drift.

Favorite Music: A cappella, Broadway musicals, disco/dance/techno, folk, oldies, the Beatles, "alternative", pop, Barbershop, (a cappella) Southern gospel (If Stamps-Baxter means anything to you, that's awesome), pop/rock from the '50s-present. My "everything" station on Pandora is all '80s. I'm trying to expand my classic and modern rap repertoire because of SongPop. ;P

Favorite albums: Paul Simon's Graceland; Ella Fitzgerald's George and Ira Gershwin Songbook; Emmylou Harris, Dolly Parton & Linda Ronstadt's Trio & Trio II; The Three Stooges' The Three Stooges Sing For Kids; The Beatles' Sgt Pepper's; Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Jonathan Coulton's Best. Concert. Ever., Virginia Rodrigues's Sol Negro, Mika's Life In Cartoon Motion, CeeLo's The Lady Killer, Wax Audio's Mashopolos albums.

Favorite Foods to Eat: thai, chinese, japanese, indian, jamaican, most anything gluten-free, steak

Favorite Foods to Cook: cheddarwurst chowder, chicken and dumplings, porcupine stroganoff meatballs (the ultimate mashup of comfort foods!), thai yellow curry
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
- Uninterrupted sleep.
- Warmth (but not TOO much).
- An effective backscratcher.
- My best friend.
- My cats.
- A roof over my head.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
- Story ideas that never actually get written.
- Why there are so many mean people in the world.
- Monkeys.
- Post-apocalyptic dreams I keep having.
- Anagrams, alphagrams, anamonics, and mnemonics.

I've also been thinking about these blog posts lately, you should read them especially if you've ever thought you're one of those "nice guys":
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hanging out with friends.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
- You'll notice I'm not a terribly private person.

- I always pick "truth" when playing "truth or dare" and I will (nearly) always answer a direct question honestly. Guys tend to interpret the lack of dissembling as some sort of flirting. I don't get that. If someone asks me, "What color underwear are you wearing?" and I respond, "I'm not wearing any," I'm not trying to be sexy, I'm just telling the truth.

- You know what? A lot of people say they're "laid-back" and "cool." I am neither of those things. I'm very liberal and open-minded and my boundaries may not lie where others' do (both physically and emotionally) so I may appear to be very casual, but I can be pretty damned uptight about some things. I am also awkward with new people, dorky, nerdy, and geeky. I'm weird, but once I get to know you and *if* I get comfortable with you, my super-amazing-awesomeness shines through.

- You should probably also know that persistence almost always fails with me. If I tell you "no," asking again in five minutes isn't going to get you anywhere.

- I'm somewhat less (more?) than vanilla.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
- You're interested in playing Scrabble or other word games, board games or card games. I'm always up for kicking some ass. ;)
- You're capable of interesting conversation. I crave intellectual stimulation and I need the practice.
- You're smart and can make me laugh.
- You wouldn't be ashamed of being seen with a fat girl. Honestly, I'd be ashamed of being seen with someone who'd be ashamed of being seen with me.
- Heck, if you've made it this far, you should message me just so I can give you a virtual gold star. You're obviously a masochist. (or I am obviously very charming!) ;)
If you want, you can kik me: lireva (But my phone is a little broken. It might take a while for me to reply. Sorry!)

If I've messaged you:
- I probably didn't ask any questions. This baffles some people. I prefer to get to know people as we go along. I suppose it's because I feel weird when people grill me and I don't think your choice of mayo vs. miracle whip (though the correct answer is Best Foods or Hellman's (in that order and, yes, they are different)) really matters. If we click friend-wise or otherwise, we click. If we don't, knowing that your favorite color is sunset orange isn't going to change anything.
- I'm not necessarily interested in jumping your bones. I may just think you seem like someone I'd like to hang out with or talk to.

You should NOT message me if:

- You want to start things off with telephone calls. I really hate the phone. A lot. We can IM or e-mail or txt or even meet in person once we've established a good rapport on here. Any of those work for me.

- You think atheism is just a phase or that atheists just haven't "found God" yet. I don't believe in God and while I respect the beliefs of those who do and would be happy to date someone who does if we otherwise clicked, my faith (or lack thereof) is not a negotiable point.