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calafia

51 F Fremont, CA

I’m looking for

  • Guys and girls who like bi girls
  • Ages 30–58
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
May 1, 2012
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White, Other
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Mostly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on university
Job
Education
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Has a kid
Pets
Has dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), French (Okay), Sign Language (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I think I'm going to stop updating bottom parts of this - they don't change much - and just add to the top. So here we are, so far: Still waiting on overseas boyfriend to come back. Also, settling into motherhood. When the baby's older and his other mommy goes back to work I'm going to be more slammed than I am now, but I think I just might have some dating energy then. That'll be in a handful of weeks. When the overseas boyfriend comes back to California, he'll get some of that time, but probably not all of it. There will be a few hours a month when I'm not folding cloth diapers, playing peekaboo with an infant, dealing with my husband, my co-mommy,taking care of my own self cleaning the house, or spending time with my for-now-overseas boyfriend. I wonder if it's humanly possible for me to build the kind of dating relationship I like with another person -- another woman, for the sake of where I'm likely headed right now -- within those constraints.

(superuberupdate! He's here! Now I need to change my profile to reflect that I'm a mom. So: I'm a mom, have three dogs, am in an open relationship. Everything else is the same ;) I'm considering opening my life to more dating after my current boyfriend comes back from overseas in June, and I know what my free time is like. I'm most likely to date someone who doesn't mind if I have my child with me from time to time, and currently, my outside-of-existing-structure interests are far more women-oriented, I'm just finding women more attractive lately. I tend to be fluid that way. )

(uberupdate: We are expecting a kid in March. I am already tireder, and I'm sure will be moreso then. Thus, it's highly improbable that I will check into OKC more than once a week, or to start a new dating relationship until I know how my time will go.)

I'm middle-aged, busy, and happy.

I don't sit around emoting constantly, but I tend to feel profoundly. I can be very happy, and very sad. The balance is toward happiness. Yay!

I like honesty mixed with kindness. Bluntness with a mean edge annoys me, as does excessive indirect communication or passive aggression. Direct, honest, kind communication works beautifully for me.

I have rheumatoid arthritis. Mostly, that doesn't mean much. Sometimes it affects my ability to stay out late or to be very physically active. Sometimes I can go-go-go (within reason, I'm still not doing overnight backpacking trips), sometimes it's really best if I hang out quietly and pet the dogs and watch movies. Lately, what really sounds good to me, socially, is, "Hey, want to meet at the dog park?" or "I'm going to be two miles from you today, want to grab lunch?" My life is such that a lot of planning and scheduling is overwhelming, but I don't need caretaking.

I'm polyamorous. For me (and most people I know), polyamory means that my relationship is open and that everyone involved should be fine with honesty about it. "Don't ask, don't tell" is right out. I am involved with zem42 and caseyg.

I'm a geek, a nerd, and can be a dork. I like geography a lot.

I have a strong affinity for the world -- everything from subatomic particles to the cosmos, but focusing on the tangible earth in front of us -- and I want to know all about it, how it works, what we can do to protect it, its history and functions and how humans interact with it. This is as close to the core of my spirituality or religion as I can describe, though it's more complicated than that. I get *bouncy* about physical geography and biogeography, and human interaction with it. I identify as a spiritual humanist and as a non-dogmatic pagan agnostic. Both the invisible pink unicorn and the Flying Spaghetti Monster are in my imaginary pantheon. Rachel Carson, Roger Tory Petersen, John Muir, and Richard Feynman are among the saints. Brian Cox and Neil deGrasse Tyson have been beatified.

I have three dogs. They love running off-leash and love other dogs. Though I don't insist folks be dog lovers, if you don't have a strong tolerance for dogs, you'd be unhappy visiting my space, and you'd get bored with me. I don't treat them like children, but really, they're my kids, and important to me.

Edit June 2010:
I have been very busy lately, and bad at answering queries. I'll get back to that. I'm also more interested than I have been in the recent past in meeting new people, but still a little time/energy crimped.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am in two committed relationships. One is a wedded, primary, live-in partnership. As much as I've tried otherwise, I think I'm just a dyadic sort, my happy primary partnership comes first. In case that wasn't clear, here's another way to say it: I am married. I have a husband. I also have another partner. I don't specifically date "as a couple." It might happen accidentally, but the chance is remote, and I don't seek that.

I tend to prefer to be involved with friends, which is part of why I am not seeking immediate attachment via OKCupid, I'm fine with dating in a very loose way, and with forming social bonds that might include more attachment one day. I'm unlikely to be interested in a sexual connection that doesn't start with friendship.

Currently, I'm *not* looking. I'm not *not*-looking, if that makes sense, I won't totally avoid anyone who seems otherwise very right, but between being fair to people I'm currently involved with and getting basic life stuff (garden, dogs, writing) done, I just don't have a lot of time.

I'm only interested in dating people who need less than weekly physical contact and live very locally, within 20ish minutes of me. In addition, anyone I date now would probably need not to get used to committed energy from me, but to be one of those people who's fairly comfortable with ebb and flow and spontaneous or flexible plans. One of my partners is currently overseas and won't return for awhile yet, so I don't want to over-commit now, then have to reschedule my entire life when he returns.

I'm currently a geography major, taking related courses. If I get time, I'll take California history for fun. I intend to get a BA in geography with a minor in either environmental science or biogeography.

Most of my social life involves hanging out with small groups of friends. I'm usually game for other stuff around the immediate area. My schedule is relatively flexible, but my energy isn't always flexible. Sometimes I can drive ten or twenty miles away, or I can ride my bike or drive closer to home. If I'm already planning to do something else, like take my dogs to the park, go birding, or go thrift shopping, sometimes I like spontaneous company. Sometimes I'm available nearby for lunch.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
. . . talking a lot.

I'm also an excellent teacher.

I take good care of my dogs.

I can explain complicated geographical relationships well.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People say it's my smile. When I've done henna recently, I have flaming red hair. I dunno, if you know me, what do you notice? In my pictures, what do you notice? (Someone once sent me an OKC message that said, "Your boobs." Yeah . . . I didn't reply.)

Outside of pictures, folks have said they can tell right away that I'm sincere.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
(I haven't updated this since 2004, not sure I ever will. "Favorite" varies a lot, for me. Ask, if you care that much, and I'll tell you what's sounding good just this moment.)

Lost In Translation for 2004, Return of the King for 2003. Winged Migration's up there, but is somehow something different than "a movie."

(I could edit this for 2005 or 2006, but I'm not sure it's all that relevant.)

The only food I absolutely can't stand is cilantro. Unless it's chopped tiny and way overcooked, I can't eat food that contains cilantro. Cilantro is nasty.

My musical tastes are extremely varied. I don't like *most* rap, most country, most "easy listening" stuff, but I do like some of all of those, and I like a lot of what KFOG calls "world-class rock," as opposed to classic rock. I tend not to be well versed on recent bands, and music needs to touch my calmer, stronger emotions, or just make me really happy and want to sing along. Lately, I get pretty happy about Great Big Sea, but even then, I hit "next" fairly often when it's not a song I'm into right then.

We don't have "TV," in that we don't have cable, get no reception to speak of, and don't just sit down and stare at it. We have a television. Sometimes we play games on it, sometimes we watch DVDs. It's the only way I really follow series, I'll get one or two I love and pound through from one end to the other, then not watch much at all for awhile. I think I spend three or four hours a week in front of the TV if I've got a lot of laundry to fold, or am feeling either sick, tired, or self-indulgent. When I get busy with other things, I can go four weeks without turning it on at all.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Like I'd *die* without? Oxygen, water, space, light, food, mental stimulation.

Like I really can't imagine being without now? My partner, my dogs.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Earthquakes. Human interaction.

In general, the way the earth and beyond to the cosmos works, on a physical level, fascinates me.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
At a quiet gathering or hanging out with my family, but that can vary a lot. Sometimes I'm at the dog park, at a social gathering at a friend's house, or at dinner, or watching a movie at home.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
This one has long puzzled me. If it's private, why would I discuss it on OKC? If it's not private, then this is the wrong category for it.

If you're dying to know something, ask. I'll answer if it seems appropriate to do so.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You feel like chatting and you're painstakingly honest with those who matter.

You don't live far away.

Though I don't mind getting messages from around the world, if you're not from within a couple of hours drive of the bay area, it's quite possible I won't reply unless I already know you from somewhere else. I'm also unlikely to respond to someone looking for a sister-wife or a third to fit into an existing couple.)

Your have little or no facial hair: I am almost never physically attracted to people with facial hair. I used to think of this as something I needed to "get over," now I just accept it as part of who I am. (If someone I'm already involved with and attached to grew hair, I'd deal, but it doesn't usually work for me initially.) If I do become attracted to someone with facial hair, it's usually in inverse proportion to the total quantity of facial hair. Goatees or very trimmed beards are sometimes okay.

You're liberal in the range between Green and Democrat: I can't imagine being involved with someone who identifies as anything stronger than *lightly* Republican, Libertarian, or Socialist. I don't mind other people choosing those paths, but we'd probably end up disagreeing a lot.

You're flexible about what you'd want a date to turn into: Because of school, home life, and my dogs' needs, I'm not loaded with free time. I do best with local socialization, and occasional farther-away socialization. I used to be pretty much anti-LDR. I'm not anymore, but I can only imagine one working for me if there's a big dose of local -- weeks of local -- at the beginning. I want to start with very casual dating and/or friendship with *anyone* I date, and have that last a long time before it's a big-R Relationship, and that's very difficult with distance.

If I get the sense that you haven't read my profile -- if you're not local, or if you seem to be looking for monogamy, or something else indicative -- I will ignore your message entirely.

If you live very locally and want to meet in Hayward or San Lorenzo or San Leandro or Castro Valley for lunch, let's get to know each other a bit through exchanging messages, or let's find out that we have people in common and sometimes go to shared social events, or something similar, and eventually, let's grab lunch.