Married, bitches!

STRONGER THAN YESTERDAY, IT'S NOTHING BUT MY WAY, MY
LONELINESS
AIN'T KILLIN' ME NO MORE! I.. I'M STRONGER!

**Disclaimer: Author is subject to flights of impulse and
whimsey
(and whiskey!), and displays an uncanny propensity for bad luck and
sheninigans (which are the lesser known, and certainly more homo,
cousin of shenanigans).

I am danger could be my, middle name, but, and it's john

Driving around in an ice cream truck picking up wireless
internet and fat chicks where I can.

Also, writing sappy poetry to girls who I am too afraid to talk to.
Also, listening to these girls talk about their boyfriends.

Right now I am trying to break into the gay bear community. Let me
know if you've got any connections. Proof of body hair and obesity
required.

Saving children, but not the British children.

Looking for my keys.

If my refrigerator could talk, it would say: The milk expires
tomorrow. Custard, sausage, sausage. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY EGGS?!
Please buy some food.

Evading police

And not evading the police.

Counseling unwed teenage mothers.

Increasing the number of unwed teenage mothers.

Getting my roommate to deal with the crazy chicks I bring home when I'm done with them.

I know lots of things about Jello.

paraprosdokian

- My cool Member's Only jacket
- My sweet sun glasses
- My shirt with wolves on it
- My penis. It is really small and kinda bent.
- My awesome handmade dinosaur hat
- This really cool lump on my chest that can talk and has awesome
arms!
- I've got two on the vine, I mean two sets of testicles so
divine

I hang with the awesome SnuggleSmacks
Cereal Be jealous.

"P.S. I love you" changed my life.

I listen to Spice Girls religiously.

David Hasselhoff is my mancrush.

As is Paul Rudd <3

Tuna tacos, fur burgers, beaver, and whisker biscuits are the breakfast of champions.

Twlight is the height of humanity's literature, and shall never, ever be passed. until the next book in the series comes out. FUCK HARRY POTTYFACE!

Okay, I take that back. I love Harry Potter, too. BUT NOT LIKE I LUST FOR EDWARD!

Beer.
Beer.
Penis.
Beer.
Beer.
Sex.
Beer.
Cheese sammich.
Beer.
Midget porn.
Beer.
The new math.
Reasonable doubt.
Bacon.
My awesome wife

Underage schoolgirls.

What would happen if a Unicorn and a Pegasus mated? Hovering horny horses.

Buttsecks.

Also I would have a new fetish. Involving bacon. And autumn leaves.

How much would I have to eat before my boobs become attractive?

and you're not!

chillin out maxin relaxin all cool

Fawning over myself... with fat girls.
Or picking up high school girls.
Watching romantic comedies and taking bubble baths.
Attempting to remove my GPS bracelet. Goddamn house arrest!!

But I could be listening to you talk about your ex-boyfriends. Call
me ;P

Hump-catting.

My dick grew up in the jungle. Your dick got touched by your
uncle.

I'm grumpy and really need a nap

I take long hot bubblebaths to mask my tears. I say: If you
have
tears, you cry them! Cry those tears!!

I licked your keyboard.

I am a butterfly, dreaming I am human.

I am part unicorn. Seriously.

I love dolphins. And by "love," I mean luuuuuuuuv ;P

I killed a sensei in a duo, and I'll never say why ;_;

i'm the reason you need to wash your hands after leaving the
restroom.

You might amuse me.
You are of the fat persuasion.
You want to be impregnated by my LOVE.
You don't mind a man with a tiny penis.
You found my profile on the sex offender database.
You have no free will.

Yo Dawg, I heard you like gray boxes, so I put a gray box in your gray box so you can have squares^2.