I heard a commentator on NPR say that political campaigns these days are getting more and more like online dating. She said that Paul Ryan’s publicizing of his P90X abs, his adoration of Ayn Rand, his bow hunting skills, and his cognitively dissonant love of Rage Against the Machine is no different than a carefully crafted online profile.

Therefore, I will try to do the opposite: craft a profile like a political campaign speech.

I say what is on my mind; I refuse to rely on advisors and poll numbers to tell me what to do or say. I am a conversational maverick. I have been known to go rogue.

If chosen, I will bring entertainment and empathy. I promise to be a good listener, but I will also be ready, if needed, to interject a witty or sarcastic comment.

I have had success in both the private and public sector.

I’m an outsider that isn’t poisoned by all the corruption; I used to live in New York City. But I’m also an insider who has connections and pull to get things accomplished, since I have been in New Haven for two years.

Unlike the other candidates, I have never employed undocumented workers or carelessly left a dog on the roof of my car.

So, on Tuesday, or whatever day you are looking at this, choose me, to be your next date.

I will submit my tax returns to you at the appropriate time, if necessary.

I am performing two to four shows a day for the most fickle audience there is: teenagers in an English class.

One of the highlights to my week is the pick-up basketball I play twice a week. "Old man basketball" as I call it because half the players are significantly older than I. That does not mean they aren't better, but I can usually hustle longer.

...not taking myself too seriously, useless trivia, brutal honesty, closing my eyes in pictures, loyalty, procrastinating, BSing, international diplomacy, getaway driver, TPS reports…

I refuse to be typecast. I listen to anything from Kanye and Lupe to The Stones and The Black Keys, Sharon Jones, Wilco, Radiohead, G’n’R, etc. Just saw Dylan at Mohegan Sun.

I like an occasional fancy meal and am always willing to try new cuisine, but I can be just as happy with BBQ, pizza, or a taco truck. Comedies, both quirky and stupid, are usually my first choice for movies; I’m a big Wes Anderson fan and loved Moonrise Kingdom. But I like me some gripping, gritty drama too.

I’m always reading something, unfortunately it is often written by a 14 year-old. In all fairness, they can drop some real nuggets of wisdom—or “lyrical wonder” as a student once used in reference to Lil’ Wayne—though it is usually poorly edited. Jonathan Lethem, Junot Diaz, Stephen King, Jon Krakuer, and Richard Price are some of the authors who clutter my shelves. I read those Girl with the Dragon Tattoo books in the Spring and recently enjoyed Jennifer Egan’s “Visits with the Goon Squad.”

I’ve had some TV obsessions: Arrested Development, The Wire, Lost, and The Sopranos to name a few.

Am I trapped on a desert island or lost in the woods in this scenario? A water filtration device would probably be the first thing I'd want. I like to be amply hydrated.

Limiting your life to only six things is pretty tough. I’m a man of simple pleasures: a good book, someplace to walk to, some sports to watch or play, and a solid slice of pizza.

But I’d have to leave room for friends to enjoy it all with…awh.

And gum. I usually have gum. Did I go over? Six seems so arbitrary anyway.

...getting around. I made it to Puerto Rico in February, DC in April, and Sweden and scuba diving in the Bahamas this summer. Next stop? Perhaps Central or Southern America in February. I have a friend pushing for Columbia right now.

Yes, I realize it is cliché to say you like to travel. Or cook. Or do zombie imitations. Clichés are not always bad.

grabbing dinner or drinks with friends, seeing a movie, getting some culture, trying not thinking about work, making an impromptu jaunt to NYC...and once this summer I hit the batting cages. My swing needs some work.

I used to say here that I wasn't on Facebook and that I had a flip phone. But now I've joined the social network and pre-ordered an iPhone 5. So I need something else...

I hurt my back once breaking up a girl fight when I taught in the Bronx.

you have a quick wit and prefer to laugh at the absurdity of the universe.