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22 Birmingham, AL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 19–24
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Other, and laughing about it
Aquarius, and it’s fun to think about
Working on space camp
Rather not say
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), Chinese (Fluently), C++ (Okay), French (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Wrapping my self up return-to-sender and moving back to the Bay in August.

I am an absolutely terrible male member of the homo sapiens species living on the third planet from an average-sized yellow star in the western backwaters of the galaxy. Sometimes, I like to sit outside and gaze at the stars, pondering the meaning of life. And then it hits me that I left the stove on and the kitchen might be on fire.

I do a lot of regular people things, like eating, breathing, and going to the bathroom. But somehow I think god likes to use me as an example to others - I've been struck by lightning multiple times whilst cursing his name. Though I'm sure that has nothing to do with the fact that I was standing at the top of a treeless hill and shaking an aluminum baseball bat at the sky in the midst of a thunderstorm.

A lot of my friends say that they can read me like a book. I don't quite get what they mean. I'm Finnegans Wake.

Photos aren't my thing. I look horrendous in pictures.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Mostly filling out empty essays on OkCupid for no good reason. Aside from the aforementioned task vital for my survival, I am currently chugging my way through college, sitting in classrooms pretending that I'm taking notes and paying attention while I think about what would happen if I released a hundred gerbils in the food court.

I guess I'm an outdoorsy person? I enjoy hiking through the woods, cuddling cute bear cubs, being mauled by mama bear, and running out of the woods with blood gushing out from my wounds. I enjoy whitewater rafting (the people at Splash Mountain know me by name, phone number, credit card number, billing address, and social security number), fishing (though I have been banned from all of the SeaWorld parks for bringing in harpoon guns), and canoeing (I keep hearing banjos, though, and it scares the crap outta me).

On a more serious note, I do enjoy hiking and camping, and most outdoor sports (by which I mean think kayaks, backpacks, etc. Not hunting. Or fishing. Killing fellow animals is not sport ), and I mountain bike a bit. Mostly XC.

Backpacking is nice. I like to get in touch with nature. It's nice. Over the summer a friend and I decided to hike the Bear Mountain-Harriman section of the AT. Pushing 21 miles in two days over rocky and mountainous terrain while wearing Chacos gives you some pretty mean blisters.

I enjoy the simple things in life, such as the soothing sound of ten thousand vuvuzelas trumpeting in unison, the deep crimson colour of potassium permanganate solution when someone accidentally put her arm in there, and the endless green foliage of a pristine forest marred only by sound of chainsaws and trees falling when there are people around to hear them.

My dream girl would take long walks with me on the beach at sunset, when the golden rays of the setting sun cast that mesmerizing sheen on the sand. We'd feed the seagulls chips laced with Ex-Lax, and watch the ensuing (literal) shitstorm. She'd stand back and take in the big picture, ignoring the small details like the third arm growing out of my chest. She'd love me for who I am regardless of what I turn into at full moon (a giant overweight chicken, that is. Werewolves are too mainstream).
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I have an amazing set of survival skills. I can breathe really well (suck up all that oxygen!), and my heart definitely does a good job of pushing blood through my veins (yeah! push that oxygen around!). I can also digest food and produce excrement.

One of my superpowers is giving people diabetes. When I bake things I like to add pounds of chocolate to them.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I am standing half-naked in a pentagram, smeared with the blood of a young lamb, and performing animal sacrifice to Globar, the heathen god of useless trinkets, praying for the resurrection of my dead hard drive.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Um. I went to see Taylor Swift twice on the Red tour. In Atlanta I got so excited that I jumped and landed with my shin on the chair in front of me.

Don't Panic.

I'm gonna wreck it!

Oh my glob.


Double double animal style?

I am a coffee snob. I grind my own beans and pull my own shots. If it weren't for the fact that there's some sort of dorm regulation about heating elements and whatnot, I'd probably be roasting my own beans too. No, there's no X in it; it's pronounced ESS-presso. The Starbucks macchiato is a bastardization of a real macchiato. "Tall," "grande," and "venti" mean the exact same thing, but in different languages. My roommate thinks I drink coffee for the caffeine. What? I drink coffee purely for enjoyment. If I wanted caffeine I might as well be chewing caffeine pills.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Internet (My computer Mara and phone Maia). Air. Water. Food. Cats (Meatballs and Meredith). My bikes (Anamaria). Yes. I have names for my more important possessions.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The upcoming zombie apocalypse. How, since I don't have a girlfriend, it's somewhat justified for me to dump money into my bike. Speaking of which. I dropped over $500 on a Reba RL G2 29er. Damn G2 offset forks are hard to find. I really want it to be the weekend so I can hit the trails. Maybe I should get a new set of wheels. Yes. I have an unnatural obsession with my bike. I get happy when I see it. If it weren't for the fact that bikes are made out of hard metals, have sharp edges, and are covered in grease, I'd probably cuddle with my bike.

Yes, bikes. It took me all of a week to buy a bike after arriving in NYC. My legs were itching to ride. It felt soooo good to feel like I'm flying again.

If I'll actually ever have a girlfriend. And if it will turn out like the way they are in (the happy) Taylor Swift songs. I've sorta given up on it all now; I don't really expect my luck to change.

Also, secretly wondering how many people actually tried to call me after reading my profile.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Dancing on tabletops
Taking too many shots
Thinking we kissed but forgetting
Maxing our credit cards
Getting kicked out of the bar
Hitting the boulevard
Going streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Having a ménage-a-trois
Thinking we broke the law
Always saying we're gonna stop
Doing it all again this Friday night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!

I sleep with stuffed animals? (too childish - I like a lot of kid stuff)
I name all the inanimate objects near and dear to me? (but you probably already have figured that out - the six things I can't do without)

Also, most of my time in okc is when I'm sitting on the porcelain throne.

I have a 925 number, if that means anything to you, when given in conjunction to my current location.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You do not fall into any of the following categories: the dead, the living dead, the reanimated dead, the undead, Tea Partiers (except those in princess tutus and tiaras), bible-humpers, the possessed, the demented, the (self) righteous, aliens, a species chromosomally incompatible with humans, machines designed to resemble humans (except cylons. cylon are hawt), the grammatically or orthographically impaired, two midgets in a trench coat (though I do love adorably short people), a single midget in a trench coat on stilts, or oompa loompas.

Or, in the unlikely event that one has missed my eyes, you noticed a typo in my profile.

Did you really read all the way down here, and didn't skip the middle? Kudos to you! I owe you a cookie! PM me to arrange your cookie delivery by a team of highly trained monkeys.

Also, since you read all the way down here - 985-655-2500 call me maybe?