Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Some background on me, I was born in the remote village of Habibi
in the outskirts of Djibouti to an Albanian prostitute where I was
raised by an ascetic monk in the Azerbaijan Mountains before moving
to Croatia at the age of 5. At the age of 15 I was conscripted into
the Croatian military where I served as a janitorial technician in
Iran. After moving to Florida, I followed my mother’s footsteps and
roamed the streets as a prostitute, selling bjs for a couple of
bucks. After a brief stint in rehab, I turned my life around and
became a personal trainer. In the past several years I've hunted
with the indigenous tribes of Sri Lanka, found a few previously
unknown star clusters with nothing more than my grandmothers
magnifying glass, some duct tape and tinfoil, and have had a statue
erected in honor of me in Uzbekistan for peace negotiations with
the native Titthibhalad tribe.
Let’s take a moment to figure out who I really am and what it is I
am looking for in a person. I have a long profile. I am clear in
what I want, if reading isn’t your forte, you may want to turn
around now. Clearly from the first paragraph I am a goofball who
likes to joke. My name is Kris, I have been in my field of work my
entire adult life. It’s not a job, it’s a career. I run the
corrosion monitoring group at an oil refinery. I have anywhere from
20 plus people working for me day in and day out. I have my
priorities in life in order and look for the same in a partner. I
fall into the category of nice guy who would give the shirt off his
back for someone more than I would for douchebag who uses people
for his own personal gain. I am an honest, trustworthy, confident
man who realizes he brings a lot to the table yet doesn’t act
arrogantly about it. That said, I am not the guy who lets people
walk all over me and I don’t do drama, games and tests. It mildly
saddens me that the bar has slowly been set lower by the masses of
how someone should act these days but that said, I expect a lot out
of people I bring into my life.
My expectations in a partner are high. Call me picky I guess, but
I’ve dated enough since getting divorced that I know what I want.
Insecurity doesn’t set well with me. If you post pictures everyday
on Facebook or Instagram to get validation by the boys on your
friend list, we won’t get along well. If your fun list includes
hanging out at the bar every night, getting high, or being on
dating sites to see how many guys will carry on a conversation with
you because your self-esteem sucks, we won’t get along. I’m also
not interested in women currently separated, currently married
looking to play the field or those recently divorced looking to
ride the cock carousel. If I send you a message my recommendation
to you is to bring it. By that I mean one or two word answers will
cause me to tap out and move on to the next person whose profile
piques my interest. If you can’t carry on a conversation to save
your life I have no interest in meeting you. The ability to carry
on a conversation and witty banter are important to me. More
important than a lot of other things combined. My other
expectations in someone I meet on here are they are honest, are
someone I can trust, they don’t have the personality of a potato
and can have fun. Big list I know, sadly most people can’t bring
that minimalist list these days.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Making new lanes and paving them.
Raising the bar. I'm not a limbo dancer ;)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Having fun but knowing when it's time to be serious and buckle
Dealing with people and understanding different people need to be
handled in different ways.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm almost always smiling and trying to get others to smile also.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Favorite tv shows are Big Bang Theory, most anything on the Food
Network, Discovery or History Channels. Music wise I like pretty
much anything from country to rap.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Sadly now my cellphone
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why people make life so complicated.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
starting an epic adventure.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My dishwasher has racks on racks.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.