I'm sort of like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast in that I'm reclusive, ill-tempered, and physically imposing. Also like the Beast, I live in an enchanted doom fortress in the middle of a magical French forest. Sadly, I don't become a beautiful Aryan prince when kissed. No one's perfect, I suppose.

I'm an aspiring writer and film critic. And yes, the word "aspiring" is code for "I have no money", so I can't buy you anything. If you want to meet up, we can just sit in a public place and make snarky comments about random passerby. The best things in life really are free.

Bitching about movies and making myself look like an ass on the internet.

My smile. :) Or the metallic octopus arms that got welded to my back in a tragic lab accident. Either one, really.

Books: The Great Gatsby, Watchmen, The Lord of the Flies, Robert E. Howard's original Conan cannon, and Hamlet.

Movies: Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon, Dr. Strangelove, The Empire Strikes Back, Goldfinger, The Dark Knight, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Aliens, Terminator 2, and pretty much anything directed by Tarantino.

Shows: Star Trek: TNG, Doctor Who, Firefly, Seinfeld, MST3K, DBZ, and the 90's Batman cartoon.

Music: The Beatles, Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, Smashing Pumpkins, and Lupe Fiasco.

Food: Anything edible that doesn't involve celery and green peppers or any other nasty shit I don't like.

1. Movies
2. John Malkovich
3. The o-zone layer
4. Ron Perlman
5. Batman
6. Lungs

String theory, my inferiority in the grand scheme of the universe, and how much emoticons piss me off.

rearranging my absurdly massive DVD collection or something equally pathetic.

Beneath my cold, dark exterior lies a soft, gentle interior. And beneath that kind interior lies another cold, dark interior. I'm all deep and shit like that. Also, Spock's death scene in Star Trek II makes my eyes misty.

you somehow made it this far and you're still inexplicably interested. It would also be nice if you weren't a screeching harpy woman, but if you got past the first paragraph without backing out you're probably the coolest person ever.