You see, I've heard women tell me, since I was old enough to start thinking about women, "men are only interested in looks...women care about what's inside." Now I've always been partial to intelligence as my aphrodisiac of choice. Sophistication, a ready wit, and charm are all close seconds. I AM a guy, so it's not that I don't care about what a woman looks like. It's just that I don't care if she looks like she could model for Sports Illustrated's issue, if she's not intelligent, witty and charming, it's a non-starter for me.
I'm in marketing, so I decided I'd write a profile that was different than anything I'd seen. Since romance novels are so popular with women, I thought I'd write one in that style, but use the prose to explain exactly the kind of woman I'm looking for. I figured that, since I'm looking for some very specific qualities, my profile would help winnow out those with whom I wouldn't be a good fit.
The surprising thing? Nobody reads. Well, maybe "nobody" is too strong a word. But bloody few people read what I wrote. In the profile, I talk about hating tattoos (seriously - I can't stand 'em), and preferring women who are tall. I emphasize "girl-next-door" good looks and demonstrate some banter that would pass as "witty."
The profile's been up for some time. But no serious takers. Don't get me wrong - I've had women respond. But they are almost always in the category where they write "I know I don't fit what you're looking for, but I thought I'd write to tell you I enjoyed reading your profile." That's flattering, for sure. But it's also frustrating. Where are the women that DO fit my profile? And why haven't any of THEM written?
I don't think I'm too picky. I know she's out there. And I realize that there's way more to it than what I want. It's like a Venn diagram - My wish list and her's have to overlap in order for there to be a match. I've seen a few women on here that I think would be a great match for me. I've contacted them. But for whatever reason, I've not made a connection with any of them. That's not really unexpected, I guess. I mean, I'm sure the women that have written to me look at me and think, "Yep, he fits my list." But that mutual attraction thing automatically limits things.
What really gets me though, are the ones that are nothing like what I'm looking for. I'm apparently a big hit with women who have tattoos, for instance. And are into NASCAR, hunting, fishing, and monster truck rallies. Go figure. I'm flattered, but puzzled. I mean, are these women simply looking at my pictures and responding? Isn't that being...um...shallow? And what's with all the women that won't post a photo, saying "I don't want anybody to contact me based on how I look...I want them to get to know me first. (Good luck with that. It's like saying "I really want the sun to be green," and expecting the sun to change color.)
Color me...confused. And more than a little disappointed. I've found, over the last few weeks, I've checked the site less and less. Obviously, something's not working here. Could be me, I guess. Or the kind of woman I'm looking for may just not be into the whole online dating thing. (I'd love to know why there seem to be a disproportionately large number of women here that are nurses...does that track with the demographics of the population at large, or are nurses just more likely to take to online dating? I have no idea.)
So for now, I'm gonna just lay low. Feel free to message me, if you think we'd click. But I've got to tell you, I'm really serious about what I'm looking for, and I have no plans to settle for less. (You shouldn't either!) And if you're curious about the whole "romance novel thing, read on...
“Oh, they have live music tonight,” you think, as you walk in the club. As you’re seated near the bandstand, you notice it’s a singer who plays guitar and keyboards. As you finish your appetizer, you notice the music – and the musician – more and more, and are paying less attention to the friend at your table. At one point, you find yourself staring at him without realizing it. He notices you and smiles. You smile and look away. Just as you finish your meal, you hear him say, “I’m going to take a brief break. I’ll be back in a few.” He gets up and walks over to your table.
“Hi. I was wondering if there’s anything you’d like to hear this evening.”
With a puckish smile, you look up at him and say, “What are you doing for the rest of your life?”
There’s an obvious pause, as he looks at you with his blue eyes, an ironic smile playing around his lips. You feel as though he’s looking deep inside you.
“It’s a song,” you offer.
He smiles. “I know.” He looks at your friend. “Do you mind if I sit down?” Your friend graciously acquiesces, and excuses herself from the table.
“So, how long have you been playing,” you ask.
“Seems like forever,” he replies. “I grew up in a musical family – five generations, in fact. And my teenage daughter makes six. I started playing drums when I was four,” he continues. “Picked up the guitar in my 20s. I play vibes, keyboards, a little bass and some other instruments as well.”
Now, you’re curious. “So you earn your living playing music? That must be fun.”
“No,” he says. “I used to. But during the day, I’m a marketing director for a large church. And I have my own agency, where we design websites, create 2D animation, and handle marketing for clients.” He continued, “I play music because I love it. Graphic design and marketing pay the bills.”
You notice he’s not wearing a ring. “Your girlfriend must love getting private concerts.”
He smiles. “If I had a girlfriend, I’m sure she would.”
“Why aren’t you seeing someone?” you ask.
“Well, I guess the right woman hasn’t come along yet.”
You shake your head. “It can’t be that difficult.”
“You’d be surprised,” he replies. “I’m looking for a woman with a wicked wit, tall, with girl-next-door good looks.” He pauses. “I want someone that can hold their own in a discussion with me, and is self-possessed, self-confident, and classy.” He leans forward towards you. “I’ll tell you a little secret. I’ve never been drunk. Or stoned.” You look a little doubtful, as he is a musician. “And I’m allergic to tobacco smoke, and I absolutely detest tattoos.” He leans back in his chair. “I couldn’t help but notice that you’re tall as you walked in.” You smile to yourself. “And from that line about the song title, I’d guess you have a pretty well-developed sense of humor.”
You nod. “I can hold my own.”
“I’ll bet you can,” he says. What’s your stand on tattoos?”
“I’m afraid I’ve got to get back to the bandstand and play another set. Will you be here, when I finish?” he asks.
“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”
Midway through his last set, he looks up and notices your table’s empty. He frowns to himself, then turns as one of the waiters approaches him.
“The lady at table nine left this for you,” as the waiter hands you a card with your name and number on it. He pockets the card, and thinks, “This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."