Why, hello there tasty morsels!
This is generally the place where I'm obliged to input,
in great detail, how wonderfully extraordinary that I
am, so that I may reel you in. Honestly though, I find
that rather bland. So, instead of leaving you to salivate
over my brilliant, succulent mind and rockin' bod; I am
going to try my best to repel you and make you leave
Chrisbert is many things.
One of the things she's not?
"WOWWIEE, WOW, WOW, WOW!
I wanna have your fucking bastard
Chrisbert: Of course you do.
Seriously, who wouldn't?
Bend over! *unzips pants*
Chrisbert may appear to be superbly feminine to
the eyes, like a little saucy minx. But deep, deep,
down she's actually a burly, furry, bear chested
man. She is in fact the man of the house! She
expects dinner *slaps you on the ass* A firm
handshake, and a blowjob by the end of the night.
Often Chrisbert is seen sitting in front of a mirror
endlessly fantasizing about herself. She finds herself
so mesmerizing, so ridiculously good looking,
so fucking irresistible, that she can't ignore her
reflection in windows, pools of water, eyes, ect.
Once upon a time she caught a glimpse of
herself in the GLORIOUS porcelain toilet bowl.
The result... Unfashionable.
Chrisbert actually makes it a point to not lie.
To some, you may find that a quality trait.
Honestly though, you'd be wrong.
"Chrisbert, do you think these jeans make my butt look fat?"
Chrisbert: No. Your big ass makes your butt look fat.
"I hope I'm not boring you."
Chrisbert: No. You've pretty much given me brain
damage from all your senseless, excessive, blabber.
"Boring" does not exist in re re vocabulary now does it?
Chrisbert may actually be a serial killer/rapist/sociopath!
But don't let that steer you away! She's quite the
romantic. While meeting you at your doorstep to pick
you up for a hot date, not only will she bring you
flowers- she'll bring a power saw, rope, and doggy
bags to collect all the fine fleshy chunks of favorable
leftovers. Sigh. Don't you just love mementos?
I know I do!
Chrisbert despises children. She believes them all
to be just balls of diseased flesh and that all children
should be considered hazardous to one's health.
"Children are strange and foreign to me. I never
really was one. I do know that they are an important
part of the ecosystem."
Wait a minute reader, don't leave! We have so much
in common! I love you! You make my heart go:
BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM!
Oh, You'll be back.
P.S. If any of this, that I have written, offended you...
I sincerely apologize. Ha, Ha! OK, maybe not.
Still send me N00dz though if you're a hot chick. K? Thnx.
sauerkraut_sean's edit: I'm also a HUUUGE tease. You can tell because I posted this picture of me wearing this fucking awesome Hello Kitty dress, and now I won't tell losers on the internet about it. You guys suck anyway.
My point exactly.
You can all go fuck yourselves.
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25 / F / Bisexual / Seeing Someone
- Last Online
- Oct 12
- Body Type
- Working on space camp
- Artistic / Musical / Writer
- Doesn’t want kids
- Likes dogs and likes cats
jessiwhaat Tallahassee, Florida more indie
hunnybee666 Tallahassee, Florida more desiring of sex
juicyaj Tallahassee, Florida more adventurous
phalexymbol Tallahassee, Florida less pure
Meggertasaurus Tallahassee, Florida more relaxed
ZombiGrrrl Tallahassee, Florida less political
nika_727 Tallahassee, Florida less arrogant
t1yanak Tallahassee, Florida more indie
I'm taking up space.
I'm destroying and creating.
I'm standing still.
Or I am just full of shit, and if I really told
you what I was doing with my life.............
I would have to kill you.
1. Picking my nose.
2. Watching paint peel.
3. Kicking ass on pc games.
4. Remembering movie quotes.
5. Computer stuffz har har nerdbert= meh.
6. Building shit and then blowing it up.
7. Counting to seven.
8. Spraying pepper spray.
9. Composing classical music.
10. Karate chopping people's faces. *CHOP!*
11. Photographing strangers.
13. Storing sexy parts, small animals,
children and the like- in muh freezer.
14. Getting rid of bodies.
15. Filming people gettin' nakey.
16. Being da Rhino and boppin' people on teh head with muh horn.
17. Hiding in the bushes with Billbert in front of SOEL's window. ;)
18. Leaving creepy/perverted/psychotic messages to cute girls.
19. Making Billbert squeal like a little, dirty, Japanese school girl.
20. And last but most certainly not least...Making long lists
of things I'm really good at, that go to twenty. ^_^
"Her teensie weensie little hooves and majestic Deercat form."
- I can has chocolate baby bird, nao? om nom nom!
"Her cute little off-beat grin."
"Her fierce eyebrows."
"Her cordless power saw." - Don't worry, I'm a doctor.
Books.... I burn them.
"What's the color of love, Pig?"
"That was Mozart, that! That giggling
dirty-minded creature I had just seen,
crawling on the floor!"
"So, there he lies at the last. The deathbed convert.
The pious debauchee. Could not dance half a measure,
could I? Give me wine, I'd drain the dregs and toss the
empty bottle at the world. Show me our Lord Jesus in
agony, and I mount the cross and steal his nails for my
own palms. There I go, shuffling from the world, my
dribble fresh upon a Bible. I look upon a pinhead. . .
and I see angels dancing. Well? Do you like me now?
Do you like me now? Do you like me now?
Do you like me. . . now?"
"I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor.
That's not my business. I don't want to rule or
conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone
if possible; Jew, Gentile, black man, white.
We all want to help one another. Human beings
are like that. We want to live by each others
happiness, not by each others misery. We don't
want to hate and despise one another. In this
world there is room for everyone, and the good
earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we
have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls,
has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-
stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have
developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in.
Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness,
hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery, we need humanity. More than
cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.
Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will
be lost. The airplane and the radio have brought us
closer together. The very nature of these inventions
cries out for the goodness in men; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all. Even now my voice
is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of
despairing men, women, and little children, victims
of a system that makes men torture and imprison
innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say,
do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is
but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who
fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will
pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from
the people will return to the people. And so long as men
die, liberty will never perish. Soldiers! Don't give
yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave
you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do,
what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you,
treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder.
Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men -
machine men with machine minds and machine
hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle,
you are men! You have the love of humanity in your
hearts! You don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the
unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers! Don't fight for
slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter
of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within
man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men!
In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to
create machines, the power to create happiness! You,
the people, have the power to make this life free and
beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power.
Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent
world that will give men a chance to work, that will
give youth a future and old age a security.
By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to
power. But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise.
They never will! Dictators free themselves but they
enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that
promise. Let us fight to free the world! To do away
with national barriers! To do away with greed, with
hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason,
a world where science and progress will lead to all
men's happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy,
let us all unite! Hannah, can you hear me? Wherever
you are, look up Hannah! The clouds are lifting! The sun
is breaking through! We are coming out of the darkness
into the light! We are coming into a new world; a kindlier
world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed,
and brutality. Look up, Hannah! The soul of man has
been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly.
He is flying into the rainbow! Into the light of hope,
into the future! The glorious future, that belongs to
you, to me and to all of us. Look up, Hannah. Look up!"
"I'd like to start off by saying that this girl's argument
is ridiculous! Vegetarians who eat fish are hypocrites!
She thinks because fish may feel no pain they don't
value their lives, absurd! And notice how she expresses
almost no sympathy for chickens? That's because
Americans hate chickens. For example: KFC serves
popcorn chicken to ensure the customers that the
chicken was blown to bits. Yet the meatball sub at
Subway isn't called popcorn cow? Americans want
chickens to die. Personally, I do feel sympathy for
animals. Which is why I choose to only eat baby
animals. They have not lived as long and they are not
leaving as much behind. Baby clams, chicken wings,
baby seals, NO-BIG-LOSS. If we don't eat meat, we
lose our place in the food chain. Eating animals gives
us confidence as humans. Vegetarians like this girl,
who's only wearing one shoe have less confidence than
everybody else! Thank you class."
"Don't just stare at it, EAT IT!"
"I no longer see or hear the breath of eternity...
The universal laws, or the light of love. For humans,
I think there is no beyond. Each one creates his own
world within his own vision and hearing. He remains
a prisoner in it. And from his cell he sees the cells of
"Well look who got beaten with the ugly stick.
Bob, is that you? My God, I can't believe such
an itty bitty gun could make such a big mess
out of someone! You are so ugly Bob! Oh, and
hey I heard you have one of those poop bags
where the shit comes out the side, you're just
a big old shitbag aren't you Bob! I hope you
think of me every time you shit in that thing
"Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to
pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn
Brenda exploding like a water balloon, worms
driving my friends around like they're goddamn
skin-cars, people are spitting acid at me, turning
you into cottage cheese, and now there's no
fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb?"
"If you take away the horror of the scene, take
away the tragedy of the death, take away all the
moral and ethical implications that have been
drilled into your head since grade one, do you
know what you're left with? A 105-pound problem
that needs to be moved from point A to point B."
"Do you know what tuna is?
IT'S FISH! If I give Pudge tuna,
I'd be an abomination!"
"Hate to break it to you friend, but
your balloon's about to pop. And that
balloon's filled with your own butt toots."
"We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw.
Does that sound fine?"
"Hell, at a certain point in life,
you realize you know more dead people
"Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right?
I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't
know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless.
Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture
a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard
it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death,
which you ain't gonna get."
"I KICK ASS FOR THE LORD!"
"Ever worn a bonnet? Give it a try sometime.
So, shoot me now, because no one is ever going
to call me Theodore again! Let alone,
Theo the Thumper."
"Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately
and so shall we. For no creatures under God are
as we are, none so like him as ourselves."
"All those moments will be lost in time,
like tears in rain."
"Oh, I don't drink with the living.
But tonight I come to visit the dead,
to celebrate with them. Do you visit
your dead ones, amigo? No, but sometimes
they come to visit me."
Autour De Lucie, Faithless, Fever Ray, Florence + The Machine, Foxy Shazam, M83, 100 Monkeys, Mike Patton, Massive Attack, Max Raabe, Richard Gotainer, Rowland S. Howard, Sigur Rós, Sólstafir, and Tony Vincent.
Actually, I lied. I fucking hate music.
What do you eat? -
" Attention! "
I like your hair. -
" Still hungry! "
You have a beautiful speaking voice. -
" I'm full. :) "
There's more than six things. This question is retarded.
3. Religion and the dissolution of it.
4. Space exploration.
5. Planetary terraforming.
8. Night terrors.
9. World dominance through Fascism.
10. My actions.
11. Box Monsters.
15. World wide sterilization.
17. The world.
20. and Nazis.
Blowing shit up.
Are you fucking kidding me?
- Ages 18–99
- Located anywhere
- Who are single
You can help me infiltrate the great abode of
G. Gordon Liddy and help me kidnap him and his
little youth serums. Also message me if you want
to be the happily, and newly enlisted member of
You should also message me if you realize that the entirety of this profile - though it may be a very real portrayal of my inner most eccentricities, it is still a satire. Also realize because of that, I merely did this for the lulzs and am most certain that I will never message you back unless you have candy, (all yer chocolates are belong to me!). But friend, if you're lacking candy don't let that stop you! All your messages produce warm smiles and tingly bubble gutz sensations for me and my beautiful companion. We shall continue reading on with glee and TP. Cheers!