words without speaking

we think we're right
we think it's our turn
we think we're special
we think we know what to do
we think our day will come
we think our star will shine brightest
we think we will live forever
we think it won't happen to us

none of it this true

but i could be wrong...

a boy went to a dentist.
he sat in the chair, & the dentist asked,

"what seems to be the trouble, young man?"

"it's my mouth, doctor. there's something wrong."

the dentist examined the boy's mouth.

"why, there's nothing wrong with your mouth, boy.  your teeth look clean & fine."

"no doctor.  you see, every time I try to say the right thing, my teeth become picket fences.  the words get trapped inside, & my tongue becomes thick."

The dentist looked at the boy.

"& other times it seems my mouth is frozen over, & the words bounce like blood, & slip out.
But they're almost never real.  There's no feeling in them."

"perhaps that is why they fall out so easily."
The dentist replied.
"certain words should carry tremendous weight when spoken."

"perhaps." the boy pondered.
"although, sometimes the words are meant, but should not be said. They make my breath show when they're spoken."

The dentist looked at the boy again, thoughtfully.

"well, in any case, the problem is not your mouth.
I'm going to refer you to a colleague of mine."

"I see..." the boy said, downheartedly.
"what kind of doctor is he?"

The dentist handed the boy a slip.

"he is a cardiologist. He specializes in problems with the heart."

They stood on the beach, staring at each other the way people who have just seen god stare at each other.  The way people stare at each other when a man starts breathing after a a seven minute flat-line.

They had not seen god.

"it's funny." he said, watching his breath come out of his mouth.  "you never really think about it, until after it happens."
She nodded her head.  her mouth slightly open.  She looked at him & tried to smile.  Found she couldn't, & went back to nodding, & chewing her fingernail.
"i'm sorry." she said. & she meant it.
"it's ok. I forgive you." he replied.  & he meant it.

He breathed in smoke, & coughed.
"you shouldn't do that." she said, biting her lower lip.  It had teeth marks that never went away.
"old habits..." he said to himself.
"that's no excuse."  she snipped, & wiped his mouth.  "here. Sit down. It'll help."
He didn't sit, but kind of gracefully fell.
They stared at the open emptiness that is the pacific ocean.
They listened to the waves hit the sand.
They held hands.

"it's a cliche."  he said with his arm around her.
"but I think the beach is most beautiful at night. " she rested her head on his shoulder.
""not to say it's not beautiful during the day.  I just like it better at night."

"I think so too."  she nodded & smiled for real this time.

"when do you think it all went wrong?"

"I think coming down from the trees was our first mistake."

"what?  no, I didn't mean in general."  he said.
"I meant with us.  Where do you think it all went wrong"

"oh!"  she laughed a little.  "it's hard to say..."  she chewed on herr lower lip.
"somwhere between the bar & the hotel room."

"yeah, that's what I thought too."  he grinned, wiped his mouth again.

"It's close now."  she stared at him.
"how are you feeling?"

"i feel like i've been shot."

" I said I was sorry."  she snipped again.  she sounded angrier than she wanted to.

"I know." he smiled at her.  Not bothering to wipe his mouth. "& I still forgive you."

They sat together on the sand.
Watching the sun rise.
Not needing to speak.

"ok." she stood up. "time's up."
She kissed his head.

"I always liked watching the sun rise more."  he looked up at her, but she was already walking towards the water.

"yeah. Me too."  she replied without turning around.

"Hey!" he yelled. Tried to stand up.
Couldn't, & fell back down.

"hey yourself."  she turned around. Her hands on her hips.

"I like your dress."

"oh."  she looked down at the blue dress with white poka-dots, & did her version of a curtsy.
"thank you. It's my favourite."
She smiled for real again, turned around, & continued walking.

She walked on the beach, & in the ocean.
Felt the wet sand between her toes.
The cold water gave her goose-bumps.

The sun rose.
The waves do what waves will do.

-fin-