I'm chill as hell. Love to travel and do new weird things. I like to make stuff, like ceramics or psychedelic jewelry or t-shirts or drawings. I don't watch TV, but that's because I love it a little too much. Plastic surgery specials are my favorite -- if someone could produce a show that's real footage of medical procedures and have it hosted by Joel McHale, I would probably start some sort of fan club. I also love Roseanne reruns, and whenever I need a little life coaching, that's what I turn to. I like to run. I write a lot. People have told me I'm hilarious on the regular. I like beer a lot, but it's not, like, a problem.

I spend my summers working as an archaeologist in southern Italy; I spend the rest of the year doing a variety of art-related jobs. Lately I've been working as a photographer's assistant, which is kind of like being a professional creep. I make a lot of stuff. Doing my part to contribute to the archaeological record.

making fun of people who deserve it.

My awesome dinner-plate-sized glasses.

Books: Anything by Solzhenitsyn, The Sheltering Sky, books about space and medical oddities/forensics, books with lots of pictures, magazines (esp. trashy ones), Valley of the Dolls.

Movies: Horror and post-apocalyptic movies. Attention span is too short for anything else.

Music: This section always annoys me for some reason. I know enough about classic rock to kick your ass in rock-n-roll Jeopardy, but these days I pretty much only want to listen to the Descendents. Good running tunes, you know?

Food: All of it.

Pen, paper, food, water. Clothing and shelter if it's chilly, I guess. Everything else I can pretty much do without -- I'm gonna be fucking AWESOME at surviving the apocalypse. Oh shit, I'll probably need my glasses though.

the end of the world. Also, the beginning of the world.

in my studio making stuff or setting fires somewhere.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had two huge, huge social strikes against me. I was in the marching band, and I had an older sister who was actually 'cool'. The latter would be a good thing in most cases, but she gave me a lot of shit. She also wrote and distributed a zine, which made the rounds at our small high school.

The bathroom in our house had no lock on the door, which directly resulted in my soon-to-be-explained shaming. One afternoon, while I was settled on the pot with a magazine, the door opened, a camera flashed, and I was immortalized by my older sister, taking a shit while reading a National Geo. Later that month, while preparing for a marching band competition, my sis once again flexed her photo muscles and snapped a pic of me in my too-tight burgundy cowboy uniform, waving around 2 middle fingers. I looooooved band.

Another month passed by. One day, I get to school, and see a new issue of her zine being circulated. Because I only had like 2 friends, it wasn't until 5th period that someone alerted me to the horrors inside: a picture of me, in my band uniform, flipping off the camera, graced an article in the center of the zine. That was fine; I even thought it made me look moderately bad-ass, in a nerdy, mid-90's kinda way. The back cover, though, was the source of my first and only panic attack.

It was a photo of me, taking a hot shit.

Band class ended, and the director called me into his office. He was a no-nonsense guy and entirely unsympathetic to the plight of young, maladjusted dorks such as myself. He had, in hand, a copy of the infamous zine. He folded it open to the page of me, giving the finger in full band nerd regalia. He yelled at me for desecrating the marching band uniform -- this, in spite of the daily humiliation I had to suffer from wearing a fucking polyester cowboy getup and weird patent leather shoes called 'Dinkles' -- and slapped me with a few detentions. No big deal, there, but I did have to go through the next few years of high school with full awareness that he had to have seen the picture of me taking a poop. Then again, a couple hundred of my peers saw it, too.

In conclusion, nothing has embarrassed me since.

you're awesome.