Life enthusiast, occasionally paid to make people laugh. Bicycle
Sales by day(it was tough for me to write, knowing how terribly bad
it sounds, but it's much worse in real life)/ semi-struggling
comedian/writer by night. A gypsy placed a curse on my family long
ago, but I've since dealt with that. I shed a tear the day Polaroid
stopped making its film. Give me a Guinness or a whiskey neat any
day of the week. Sometimes, I take every towel I own, build a
makeshift bed, and sleep in the shower when I'm extra hung over. I
get hurt a lot; but my healing powers are unparallelled.
Physically, not emotionally. Well, emotionally too as of late, but
I wear a suit a lot, like a coat of armor, so that helps deflect
the pain. I'm an aspiring pirate not near the sea. It's terrible.
People who say "thank you kindly" are redundant. You already said
"thank you", kindly shut the fuck up now.
What I’m doing with my life
I sell and repair bicycles at a local shop in the city. I also
occasionally preform stand up comedy, because I have an affliction
for making an ass out of myself. Working on my pilot. I write way
too much for someone who is dislexic.
I'm neither a hipster, punk, reggaetron, hip slap, or any other box
people try to put others into. I don't believe in god, I just
believe in me.
I’m really good at
Throwing rocks at trains
Fixing a flat tire On a bicycle
Filling in the blanks of uncomfortable silences
Recreating the scene from home alone 2 when he gets chased in the
Holding doors open for an excessive amount of people.
Quoting The Wire more than should be allowed in public.
Arguing with strangers.
Hugging. These arms weren't invented for nothing.
Stopping criminals. If they are within arms reach.
Replacing the ribbons on your typewriter.
Not being allowed into discotecas.
Baiting a hook.
The first things people usually notice about me
I look like Spider-Man, but unfortunately only have a few of his
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'lll read anything with words, keep brail out of this. Me and the
librarian at the main branch of the chicago public library have a
very good working relationship. Her names Gail, if you ever need a
favor, she probably Won't do it. She's rather lazy. Here are a few
of the authors I currently enjoy: Jonathan Ames, David Simon,
Sudhir Venkatesh, Christopher Hitchens, Sebastian Junger, C.D.
Payne, R.L. Stein, Hemingway, Mary Roach, Ian Fleming, Mark
I've watched every season of The Wire 5 times. I sometimes quote
Dwight Schrute as if he were a real person. People think I
occasionally look like Charlie Day from "It's Always Sunny In
Philly" but we only share a few of the same personality
Zeppelin, Stones, Beatles, The White Stripes, Keys, Shins, The
Kills, The Dead Weather, Miles Davis, Buddy Guy, Biggie,(those are
just a few of the thousands) jazz, blues, hoedowns, punk, reggae. I
love all types of music.
The six things I could never do without
Merino wool socks
Pencil and a knife to sharpen pencil
A lighter: more uses than you'd ever realize.
My earwolf hoodie.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why the White Stripes ever had to break up?
Do I have ESP?
Can that person see what book I'm reading? Stop looking at my
Why do I get hit by cars so often?
Why don't I get hurt more when I get hit my cars?
Why my craigslist roommates dont belive in lids? I believe in lids.
Lids that cover giant things full of dry ice tea mix. Lids on top
of jars of salsa. Lids on top of garnier fructis surf hair product.
My roommates however don't believe in lids. Or they don't know how
to use them properly. That and the dishwasher. I truly believe that
the dishwasher will wash my dishes if I put the right soap in and
push the buttons in the proper order. I don't think they know
exactly what the dishwasher does, besides make loud noises and leak
because they used hand soap in it the first time, and just assumed
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing a show, seeing a show, putting back a few pints, occasionally
starting a ruckus. Having spontaneous dance circles form around me
without my expressed written consent and knowledge. I do work on
the weekends on occasion, but I still go out on the nights I work.
I will have the random movie night in, which always is good. Or if
I'm depressed, like I have been lately, I'll read an uplifting book
like "Crime and Punishment" by Dostoevski while having a chugging
contest with a box of white zinfandel, right out of the bag.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I used to have a teacher who when you asked him "can I go to the
bathroom?" His response was "I don't know CAN you?"
So I responded to that at age 9 by pissing myself.
You should message me if
Your looking to meet as many new people and friends as possible. If
its dates, dining, drinks, concerts, shows, movies, hot air balloon
races, etc...And whatever that all leads to is grand, otherwise we
only live once, might as well have as many experiences that we can
while we can. Don't be weirder than I am, I'll know.