Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


29 Chicago, IL Man


Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20-31
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Oct 30
5' 10" (1.78m)
Body Type
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Life enthusiast, occasionally paid to make people laugh. Bicycle Sales by day(it was tough for me to write, knowing how terribly bad it sounds, but it's much worse in real life)/ semi-struggling comedian/writer by night. A gypsy placed a curse on my family long ago, but I've since dealt with that. I shed a tear the day Polaroid stopped making its film. Give me a Guinness or a whiskey neat any day of the week. Sometimes, I take every towel I own, build a makeshift bed, and sleep in the shower when I'm extra hung over. I get hurt a lot; but my healing powers are unparallelled. Physically, not emotionally. Well, emotionally too as of late, but I wear a suit a lot, like a coat of armor, so that helps deflect the pain. I'm an aspiring pirate not near the sea. It's terrible. People who say "thank you kindly" are redundant. You already said "thank you", kindly shut the fuck up now.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I sell and repair bicycles at a local shop in the city. I also occasionally preform stand up comedy, because I have an affliction for making an ass out of myself. Working on my pilot. I write way too much for someone who is dislexic.
I'm neither a hipster, punk, reggaetron, hip slap, or any other box people try to put others into. I don't believe in god, I just believe in me.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Throwing rocks at trains
Fixing a flat tire On a bicycle
Filling in the blanks of uncomfortable silences
Recreating the scene from home alone 2 when he gets chased in the hotel.
Roping cows.
Holding doors open for an excessive amount of people.
Quoting The Wire more than should be allowed in public.
Arguing with strangers.
Hugging. These arms weren't invented for nothing.
Stopping criminals. If they are within arms reach.
Replacing the ribbons on your typewriter.
Stop-motion animation.
Not being allowed into discotecas.
Baiting a hook.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I look like Spider-Man, but unfortunately only have a few of his powers.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I'lll read anything with words, keep brail out of this. Me and the librarian at the main branch of the chicago public library have a very good working relationship. Her names Gail, if you ever need a favor, she probably Won't do it. She's rather lazy. Here are a few of the authors I currently enjoy: Jonathan Ames, David Simon, Sudhir Venkatesh, Christopher Hitchens, Sebastian Junger, C.D. Payne, R.L. Stein, Hemingway, Mary Roach, Ian Fleming, Mark Twain.

I've watched every season of The Wire 5 times. I sometimes quote Dwight Schrute as if he were a real person. People think I occasionally look like Charlie Day from "It's Always Sunny In Philly" but we only share a few of the same personality traits.

Zeppelin, Stones, Beatles, The White Stripes, Keys, Shins, The Kills, The Dead Weather, Miles Davis, Buddy Guy, Biggie,(those are just a few of the thousands) jazz, blues, hoedowns, punk, reggae. I love all types of music.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Merino wool socks
Pencil and a knife to sharpen pencil
A lighter: more uses than you'd ever realize.
My bicycle.
My earwolf hoodie.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why the White Stripes ever had to break up?

Do I have ESP?

Can that person see what book I'm reading? Stop looking at my book.

Why do I get hit by cars so often?

Why don't I get hurt more when I get hit my cars?

Why my craigslist roommates dont belive in lids? I believe in lids. Lids that cover giant things full of dry ice tea mix. Lids on top of jars of salsa. Lids on top of garnier fructis surf hair product. My roommates however don't believe in lids. Or they don't know how to use them properly. That and the dishwasher. I truly believe that the dishwasher will wash my dishes if I put the right soap in and push the buttons in the proper order. I don't think they know exactly what the dishwasher does, besides make loud noises and leak because they used hand soap in it the first time, and just assumed its broken.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Doing a show, seeing a show, putting back a few pints, occasionally starting a ruckus. Having spontaneous dance circles form around me without my expressed written consent and knowledge. I do work on the weekends on occasion, but I still go out on the nights I work. I will have the random movie night in, which always is good. Or if I'm depressed, like I have been lately, I'll read an uplifting book like "Crime and Punishment" by Dostoevski while having a chugging contest with a box of white zinfandel, right out of the bag.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I used to have a teacher who when you asked him "can I go to the bathroom?" His response was "I don't know CAN you?"
So I responded to that at age 9 by pissing myself.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Your looking to meet as many new people and friends as possible. If its dates, dining, drinks, concerts, shows, movies, hot air balloon races, etc...And whatever that all leads to is grand, otherwise we only live once, might as well have as many experiences that we can while we can. Don't be weirder than I am, I'll know.