I started a twitch stream gaming channel recently. You can come watch me play games and chat with me. Check it out and follow me: http://www.twitch.tv/sevy_celebnaur
I [was] at PAX and a helping out as a Enforcer.
Please come say hi to me if you see me at PAX. I could use a hug. :S Thanks!
Totally looking for more girls and guys into cosplaying, SCA or LARPing. I so want to make friends, do crafts, play video games and get a cosplay or be involve with the SCA. check out my facebook account under the name, celebnaur, for more info since I'm not on here that much currently.
Been in a long term relationship with Harvix. Due to a "No Contact Order" from the court (that will last a long while) we broke up.
I am not interested in getting involved with someone romantically (thus Seeing Someone/Available but this may change under certain circumstances). But I am up for friends and hanging out.
(It's Domestic Violence awareness month. I would highly suggest reading impact statement to find out my side of what happened between us. It is very scary and real.You can find my jounral entries about this and my "Victum Impact Statement" here: https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B07s2ZJ7U2MveG9ZNzhNLVNUNFk&usp=sharing
As I have been taught in DV support groups, abusers or controllers are good manipulators and very much focused on self-preservation. :S I don't' want other ladies to experience the same behaviors or hardship. )
Also, I want people to be aware, there is no excuse for abuse, like power and control, or even more, scary life threating behavior and domestic violent: http://www.thehotline.org/2014/01/blame-shifting-and-minimizing-theres-no-excuse-for-abuse/
(Sorry about me jumping around at all. This is a bit tricky)
I will summarize, since I may have been a bit too specific before (being how I felt frustrated and shaken) , that there were some serious communication, and honest issues with me and him. And... abuse. While, I feel regretful for not being as supportive and possibly fine with "not having his company at more events", as I could have been (he lead me to believe he was going with me to them several times), I tried very hard and cared very much. I believe I was largely impacted by issues of trust, security and communication... and unwillingness to compromise or... make some effort to smooth or empathize with situations on his part. I do feel that with all my communicate and effort, that largely the issues were on his part, the choice of ignoring equality, reason, not take accountability or communicate. I don't believe that it could have been largely based on his mental disorders, emotional control, relationship inexperience, lack of treatment during his childhood ,blah blah, etc... after all it was his choice to communicate by being physically abusive. (If you want to fine out more about what happened to me to can read my Victum impact statement: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ysg-MSeabEMc_ELfYl5NyoCDTp2y1Z2URxE-nUsnmaU/edit?usp=sharing It's is what I gave the court and prosecution, it's publiclly available.)
The DV support groups and my metal health therapist friend has been very informative and comforting. Much of what I have already described on here to you, was some of their responses and information they gave to me. They also let me know that it wasn't my fault this all happened, and it would have happened to anyone in my shoes. (Trust and Communication is very important. )
I am not the type of person to kiss and tell ether but I was told by fellow PAX workers(a video game convention I work at) that it was my job to let people know for their sake. To let people know for the welfare of others, so they can be a aware, and know what to do if it happens to them.
I still care, a lot... and I am pretty darn sad.
He was taking anti-anxiety and depressant pills, they were messed with his system. His job was giving him a hard hard about his communication. He had recently been diagnosed with a bunch of disorders. Just whole bunch of stuff building up... It makes me feel guilty for how unversed I was with Autism too. (I have been studying a lot more of it recently though)
When others usually are only able to briefly glace over a few details of these situations, it's hard for them fully understand the full scope of it and what it is like. (I am pretty sure some of you may have simply bitch slapped this whole thing to the moon and said forget it. ...me? Maybe it's because I wear my heart on my sleeve and believe that relationships are a learning and growing experience. ) When you build and invest all this time with someone... Let just say there is a lot to it. I don't find me wanting to control it. I want to help and I try to do the right thing.
"If you had a good friend and something happened to them where they became mental unstable, would you try to help them and still care about them or would you try to no longer be friends with them?"
I don't find it that weird for wanting to care about him still....
(Sorry for this being rather long and babbling, if you think I am. It is a rather traumatic experience. :S)
Also, I have always been and still fully interested and completely will to negotiate and listen to what he has to say, what he wants, etc. I have been completely willing to do what he wants, or make a compromise with him. I was worried about equality, support, fairness, security, trust and communication. I have always been trying to do things so were happy and successful. my expectations were based on those values of equality, if anything it was due to his way of handling his way and miscommunication due his autism, obstintance defiance disorder, bi-polar, and maybe borderline personality disorder. Not saying i dont have my flaws ether but i know i took responsibility and accountability towards it and know put tons and tons of effort in him and us.
Its up to him to if whether he is willing to accept and forgive and understand how autism and not knowing about it can interfere with expectations on someone, etc.
things are in limbo with us right now...
We have been together for a long time, and their is clearly still being love between us, but with all the behavioral stuff and mental disorders ... plus me feeling rather distress from all of it... I need to do some recovery and look for some people to hang out with to keep my mind off all of it. Mainly I need to go out and have fun.
I've been going outside, trying to get signed up for more college classes, hanging out with friends, hoping to do some fencing classes (hopefully?) and I plan to get some more DV therapy and some legal help.
Never dealt with this kind of thing before so I also a bit freaked out. I am already a sensitive type that sucks at emotional heartbreak as is. I want to get out of this depression and stress.
So, I WANT TO hanging out! Meet new friends and maybe new possibilities... Do stuff to get out all this stress.
Hopefully this page isn't too overwhelming, or abrasive. Not my intention. Regularly, I am laid back, nice, geeky, adventurous, creative, determined and bit analytical. But should throw in sensitive as well.
sorry for me to complain, but most of the time I've had just dealt with drama and heartbreak on dating sites. A lot of blindly bias people too.
bleh, some profile organize and declutter is need on here. itz messy and long. XD I haven't been on here for a very long time. It's me adding to it and stuff pilling up over time. I am slowly picking, erasing and editing it over time... I am thinking about deleting a bunch of it and starting over. Currently Some of this stuff on here is kind of irrelevant and has not been updated such as everything after this bit.
So please pardon the length and it's a clutter. I don't really expect anyone to read this old long thing.
I like to relax and take it easy most of the time, but I also enjoy a little bit of SPICE now in then. (so, I do like to get out, try something new or different now and then.) When do get out I enjoy DESTROYING worlds and blasting alien scum! O.o hahaha ...but that's always been in video games and RPGs. As yes I am huge geeky girly tomboy gamer! I would love try get back into Boffer fighting, more role playing, camping, travel, work/school, friend gatherings, and costuming (as I really know how to sew, do crafty things, etc.)
I strongly advice getting to know me in person rather than relying on the match questions and the personality things they list on here. ^_^ As I am caring, goofy, laid back, trustworthy, and friendly... but as a warning, I am rather socially awkward, may be rather oppinated at times and am easily emotional (both good and bad). But Many things may change depending on my mood and at times I have more than one answer or it may change (but not usually so quick and I usually give people a heads up.) I'll more than likely just redo a lot of my profile now and then. XD
I am creative, caring, and unique.