I am polyamorous. I am bisexual. I am open about this with everyone that I am interested in romantically, and with many (but not all) of the people who are close to me. (I don't feel that my sexual preference is something my family needs to know about, as I'm not having sex with them.) And obviously, since an OKCupid profile is relatively public, I don't really *care* if others find out, I just don't feel the need to discuss it with those to whom it's not a relevant data point.
I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman who is not only okay with the fact that I'm bisexual, she thinks it's pretty hot, and is occasionally annoyed with me for not having found a boyfriend, yet. I haven't found a boyfriend yet because sex isn't the point, and too many of the guys who are looking for other guys (especially those whose OKCupid profiles identify them as "straight", alas) don't get that point.
In spite of starting this essay the way I did, those are just the labels, they're not me. They're useful mainly in the repulsion of people I'd probably find repulsive, anyway. My labels do not define me, any more than yours, however much you like them, define you. People are too complex for that. It would be as accurate to say the fact that I'm a fairly average amateur violinist defines me as a person as it would be to say the fact that I'm bisexual or poly defines me as a person; the difference is that the latter is offensive to some people, so they want to make more of it than I would, whereas the former only matters to the people I inflict my sadly lacking musical skills upon.
Also also, just as I have no interest in being someone else's
"dirty little secret". I have no interest in anyone else being mine. If PDA isn't your thing, then I'll respect that, but if you and I are out on a date, and things are going well enough that holding hands or kissing seem natural and appropriate, then I'll be comfortable with that, and I hope you will, too.
I am curious, yellow, and blue
What I’m doing with my life
Working retail at one of the coolest places on the planet. I love
my job, 99 days out of 100. On the hundredth day, I probably just
woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I’m really good at
Writing, digital photography (nearly all of the product images on our website were shot by me), reading more than is probably healthy, being what passes for the IT department at work, without actually knowing enough to qualify for genuine geekhood, playing the violin competently, helping people I care about, handling things in a crisis situation that I usually suck at when there's no crisis involved.
The first things people usually notice about me
In spite of the out-of-date photo, the long hair's gone, so I'll
have to go with my smile, which is usually plastered on my mug
about eighty percent of the time. When they're close enough, I'm
usually told I have beautiful eyes, which I completely fail to see,
as they seem (to me, at least) to be fairly nondescript hazel to
warm brown, depending on my mood and the available light -- nothing
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I have too many favorite books to even get started here, but I'll
list a few just to give an idea of scope. Godbody (and anything
else by Theodore Sturgeon); Watchers, by Dean Koontz (and many, but
not all, of his other books); Boy's Life, by Robert McCammon; the
Song of Ice & Fire series, by George R.R. Martin; the Matthew
Scudder and Bernie Rhodenbarr novels, by Lawrence Block (and most
of the rest of his work); Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry (how
good does a *western* have to be to win the freakin' Pulitzer?!!);
To Kill A Mockingbird (the movie was only decent, but the book fair
approaches perfection); Push, by Sapphire; The Electric Kool-Aid
Acid Test; a whole lot of science fiction and fantasy; Watership
Down; Helprin's Winter's Tale; Stephen Mitchell's translations of
the Tao te Ching, the Bhagavad Gita, and the poems of Rilke and
Neruda; Nicholas Basbanes A Gentle Madness, the list does go on. .
.sorry, I really *did* mean to be brief.
Movies are all over the place, too, after the above
ridiculousnessness, I'll refrain from starting another massive list
Music -- everything from classical to heavy metal, with a bunch of
Celtic traditional in between. I'm poly in my musical tastes, too.
Food -- favorite is probably Thai, especially *good* Tom Kha Gai,
Satay with spicy tamarind sauce instead of peanut sauce, and spicy
basil. Also a fan of sushi, good Chinese (hard to find), etc. I
mostly eat ethnic foods when I eat out, because I don't like to pay
for something that I can do better at home.
The six things I could never do without
Puns, Melody (my love), music, my local poly community (they're awesome!), cats (yes, I'm one of *those* people) and, surprisingly, the gym. The latter is something I never thought I'd say, but I've been at it long enough that it's become a habit, and if I can just stick with it for another 23 months or so, I'll probably actually be in shape, for the first time in my life.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How I can be a higher-than-80% match with someone, and *also* be a
higher-than-30% enemy. If I've looked at your profile, and you've
gone "why the (*#$&*)#(@ is *that* guy looking at my
profile?!", it's probably because I'm curiouser about what makes
OKCupid think that me and Random Stranger will be big-time enemies
than I am about what makes it think we're going to be bosom buddies
or lifetime lovers. I guess I'm just wired that way!
(Either that or you were a Cupid match or listed in the "You might
like" sidebar in spite of the fact that OKC's own algorithms give
us a compatibility of less than 60% -- I've apparently flummoxed
Cupid to the point where he's now just throwing shit against the
wall to see what'll stick.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Either at home, recovering from the work week, or meeting up with
my local poly peeps -- we have a social get-together at a local
coffee shop every Friday. I used to anchor the thing, so I was
there pretty much every week, but now that the community is
thriving to the point that I'm superfluous, I don't attend nearly
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
If the rest of this profile didn't make it clear enough, I'm a
fairly open-book kind of guy.
You should message me if
. . .any of this preramble seems interesting to you. Or you're
interested in polyamory and not yet plugged into the local poly
community here in the Triangle. Though I no longer organize the
monthly poly discussion group meetings or announce and anchor the
weekly social gatherings, I can still point you in the right
. . .you're a bi guy, or a gay guy who's okay with dating a bi guy
(emphasis on *dating*, as I'm not looking for the casual sex thing
until I get to know you -- which is to say that, if you're not
looking for serious right now but we click otherwise, I'm not
opposed to "friends with benefits", but the *friends* part has to