Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


48 Durham, NC Man


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 30–60
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Mar 28
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body type
A little extra
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Sales / Marketing
Seeing Someone
Likes dogs and has cats
English, French (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am polyamorous. I am bisexual. I am open about this with everyone that I am interested in romantically, and with many (but not all) of the people who are close to me. (I don't feel that my sexual preference is something my family needs to know about, as I'm not having sex with them.) And obviously, since an OKCupid profile is relatively public, I don't really *care* if others find out, I just don't feel the need to discuss it with those to whom it's not a relevant data point.

I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman who is not only okay with the fact that I'm bisexual, she thinks it's pretty hot, and is occasionally annoyed with me for not having found a boyfriend, yet. I haven't found a boyfriend yet because sex isn't the point, and too many of the guys who are looking for other guys (especially those whose OKCupid profiles identify them as "straight", alas) don't get that point.

In spite of starting this essay the way I did, those are just the labels, they're not me. They're useful mainly in the repulsion of people I'd probably find repulsive, anyway. My labels do not define me, any more than yours, however much you like them, define you. People are too complex for that. It would be as accurate to say the fact that I'm a fairly average amateur violinist defines me as a person as it would be to say the fact that I'm bisexual or poly defines me as a person; the difference is that the latter is offensive to some people, so they want to make more of it than I would, whereas the former only matters to the people I inflict my sadly lacking musical skills upon.

I am curious, yellow, and blue
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working retail at one of the coolest places on the planet. I love my job, 99 days out of 100. On the hundredth day, I probably just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Writing, reading more than is probably healthy, learning just enough HTML, JavaScript, PHP/MySQL or whatever type of web programming I need to keep the website working at the company I'm working for, but never enough to actually qualify for geekhood, playing the violin competently, helping people I care about, handling things in a crisis situation that I usually suck at when there's no crisis involved.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
In spite of the out-of-date photo, the long hair's gone, so I'll have to go with my smile, which is usually plastered on my mug about eighty percent of the time. When they're close enough, I'm usually told I have beautiful eyes, which I completely fail to see, as they seem (to me, at least) to be fairly nondescript hazel to warm brown, depending on my mood and the available light -- nothing special, there.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I have too many favorite books to even get started here, but I'll list a few just to give an idea of scope. Godbody (and anything else by Theodore Sturgeon); Watchers, by Dean Koontz (and many, but not all, of his other books); Boy's Life, by Robert McCammon; the Song of Ice & Fire series, by George R.R. Martin; the Matthew Scudder and Bernie Rhodenbarr novels, by Lawrence Block (and most of the rest of his work); Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry (how good does a *western* have to be to win the freakin' Pulitzer?!!); To Kill A Mockingbird (the movie was only decent, but the book fair approaches perfection); Push, by Sapphire; The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test; a whole lot of science fiction and fantasy; Watership Down; Helprin's Winter's Tale; Stephen Mitchell's translations of the Tao te Ching, the Bhagavad Gita, and the poems of Rilke and Neruda; Nicholas Basbanes A Gentle Madness, the list does go on. . .sorry, I really *did* mean to be brief.

Movies are all over the place, too, after the above ridiculousnessness, I'll refrain from starting another massive list of listyness.

Music -- everything from classical to heavy metal, with a bunch of Celtic traditional in between. I'm poly in my musical tastes, too. ;)

Food -- favorite is probably Thai, especially *good* Tom Kha Gai, Satay with spicy tamarind sauce instead of peanut sauce, and spicy basil. Also a fan of sushi, good Chinese (hard to find), etc. I mostly eat ethnic foods when I eat out, because I don't like to pay for something that I can do better at home.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Puns, Melody (my love), music, my local poly community (they're awesome!), and two other things that I'll come up with later. . .
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How I can be a higher-than-80% match with someone, and *also* be a higher-than-30% enemy. If I've looked at your profile, and you've gone "why the (*#$&*)#(@ is *that* guy looking at my profile?!", it's probably because I'm curiouser about what makes OKCupid think that me and Random Stranger will be big-time enemies than I am about what makes it think we're going to be bosom buddies or lifetime lovers. I guess I'm just wired that way!

(Either that or you were a Cupid match or listed in the "You might like" sidebar in spite of the fact that OKC's own algorithms give us a compatibility of less than 60% -- I've apparently flummoxed Cupid to the point where he's now just throwing shit against the wall to see what'll stick.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Either at home, recovering from the work week, or meeting up with my local poly peeps -- we have a social get-together at a local coffee shop every Friday. I used to anchor the thing, so I was there pretty much every week, but now that the community is thriving to the point that I'm superfluous, I don't attend nearly as reliably.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
If the rest of this profile didn't make it clear enough, I'm a fairly open-book kind of guy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
. . .any of this preramble seems interesting to you. Or you're interested in polyamory and not yet plugged into the local poly community here in the Triangle. Though I no longer organize the monthly poly discussion group meetings or announce and anchor the weekly social gatherings, I can still point you in the right direction. :P

. . .you're a bi guy, or a gay guy who's okay with dating a bi guy (emphasis on *dating*, as I'm not looking for the casual sex thing until I get to know you -- which is to say that, if you're not looking for serious right now but we click otherwise, I'm not opposed to "friends with benefits", but the *friends* part has to come first).