Edit: Apparently there's a lot of creeps out there that think I care to read about and participate in their weird dining/baking fantasies.
Look, I get it, I'm a handsome, funny, modest guy, but that is not license for you to barrage me with inappropriate foodie solicitations.
A selection of actual messages I've received:
"Would you like to have dinner with me?"
"I want to bake you cupcakes."
"Are you into brunch?"
"Look at this picture of my breads."
"I want to sit you down while I slave over a four-course meal and finish off with an intricate macaroon recipe I found on Pinterest."
To all those women looking for a cook up: I am NOT just a hole for you to put your baked goods in!
Atop my Herman Miller mount, I assail supercomputers wielding algorithms and text editors while commanding hosts of interns. The deafening cacophony of battle emanates from my office as a red sun rises. Code has been spilt this night.
Be my shieldmaiden.
movies: blade runner, raiders of the lost ark, ghostbusters, close encounters of the third kind, weird science, pitch perfect, the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford, wet hot american summer, upstream color, under the skin, whiplash, frozen. Stanley Kubrick.
tv: mad men, archer, the wire, the sopranos, game of thrones, girls, twin peaks, portlandia, the state and anything by state alumni, reno 911!, arrested development, it's always sunny, top of the lake, mst3k, true dick, fargo, the affair
music: memory tapes, cold cave, blonde redhead, tangerine dream, vangelis, crystal castles, joy division, neko case, the new pornographers, the wrens, neutral milk hotel, guided by voices, bat for lashes, the left banke, mount eerie, robin, cat power, the hold steady, the smiths, wild nothing, depeche mode, new order, echo and the bunnymen, i break horses, chairlift, young ejecta, russian red when she covers magnetic fields, chvrches, alvvays, zola jesus
list of things I want to put inside me: thai, mexican, bacon, chinese, breakfast, sandwiches, anything served off of a sword
If you've got skills and want to be my co-founder, I have some Cool App Ideas we could work on:
* Pinterest plugin which estimates the mean annual cost of a user/girlfriend
* nastygr.am lets you flame your coworkers and look great doing it with hip career-ending photo filters
* eHomophone.com - dating site for people who confuse "your" and "you're"
* eHermione.com - dating site for wizards
* eHumorme.com - dating site for people who think puns are going to get them a date
* WhatsZapp - deliver 100K volts of electricity via SMS
* CroMagnon.ly transforms you into a protohuman hominid. Your life is brutal in the state of Nature. You move with the herd, fashioning primitive tools from bone and sinew. The animal sustains you; it is your food and your god. At night you wrap yourself in their tanned skins and shout crude names at the sky. Your short life ends violently. Also tools for photo-sharing.
* you want to shower me with praise for such a winning profile
* your id read the previous as "you want to shower with me"
* you want to first date the shit out of me
* you love bulleted lists