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29 Alton, IL Woman


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 23–37
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My Details

Last Online
Nov 10
5′ 5″ (1.65m)
Body Type
A little extra
Mostly other
Atheism, and laughing about it
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Working on two-year college
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Has kids, and wants more
Has dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), German (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Before you get into the satire below I would like to make aware that I am seeking platonic female companionship only and have stopped responding to any males that message me at all. If you like my profile in a non sexual manner and are looking for a friend please hit me up :-)
I am the mother to 14 self-aborted fetus's in jars. On the anniversary of each self-aborted product of conception I open a jar and take a drink. I think that this is the key to immortality.
I have an alley-way abortion clinic that I run on the weekends for all the crack whores and teenagers, so as you can see I am big into community services. I consider myself artistic and cunning, as I make several paintings and sculptures with the resulting dead embryo's. I typically will only do an abortion for a mother who is far enough along that a regular abortion clinic would refuse her-and I am VERY cheap.

I am polite, nice, and simple
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I have been trying to open an abortion clinic (it would be nice to use something other than retired dentist tools and hangers) but the bank insists that in order to get a loan I would beed a legitimate business stance with medical training. Sounds like a waste of money to me, so I continue with my weekend trade.
During the week I am a nanny.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cooking a mean placenta. Seriously, don't knock it till you've tried it!! The further along a pregnancy the more delicious the afterbirth.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My bloody workshirt and yellow dishgloves on my belt.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I read a lot of Chuck Palhiniuk.
I like to search the internet for scat porn and menstrual fetishes.
I don't really watch TV or movies. Unless its been recommended by one of my many penpal's from the Illinois state penitentiary.
I am not a picky eater at all. I enjoy raw meat a lot.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A paper mache-dildo, steve buschemi's fingernail clippings that I have in a bag, bloody tampons I collect out of dumpsters, a shoebox of used syringes, rotting umbilical cords and chocolate.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
babys teeth. one time I picked apart an infants jaw and found teeth deep inside the gumline. So I have filed away my children's gums so they could eat solids right away... Didn't quite work out the way I expected...
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Resting. It's a long week for me, filled with weekends baby kills and weekday baby watching. I enjoy a nice cup of blood and a nice dish of placenta.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I collect infants eyes before they change... Only problem is I sometimes forget to kill the babies before I take the eyes. Wakes the parents...
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If your looking for a midwife.
Breastfed babies have less chance of developing necrotizing enterocolitis
This disease occurs most commonly in premature or sick newborns. In NEC the lining of the intestinal wall dies and sloughs off. Premature infants fed their own mother's milk or banked human milk are one sixth to one tenth as likely to develop NEC. One Australian study has estimated that 83% of NEC cases may be attributed to lack of breastfeeding.

Updegrove, K "Necrotizing Enteroclolitis: The evidence for use of human milk in prevention and treatment." J Hum Lact 2004; 20: 335-339

Drane, D. "Breastfeeding and formula feeding: a preliminary economic analysis" Breastfeed Rev 1997; 5:7-15

Convert RF, Barman N, Comanico RS, et al. "Prior enteral nutrition with human milk protects against intestinal perforation in infants who develop necrotizing enterocolitis." Pediatr Res. 1995; 37:305A. Abstract

Lucas A, Cole TJ. "Breast milk and neonatal necrotizing enterocolitis." Lancet. 1990; 336:519-1523

Breastfeeding contributes to optimal child spacing
First of all, please know that it is certainly possible to get pregnant while you are still breastfeeding. However, many breastfeeding women do not ovulate for the first 6 months or so following the birth of a new baby. This is true only for those who are exclusively breastfeeding (no supplements or solid food), and have not yet gotten their periods back following childbirth. Night nursing encourages longer amenorrhoea (periodlessness). If you really don't want to get pregnant again, use some back up birth control even if you haven't gotten your period again. Unless you are carefully following a natural family planning program, you will have no way of knowing when your first ovulation will occur, and by the time you figure it out you may be expecting! Still, generally speaking, breastfeeding contributes to optimum child spacing.

Kennedy KI, Visness CM. "Contraceptive efficacy of lactational amenorrhoea." Lancet. 1992; 339:227-230

Labbock MH, Colie C. "Puerperium and breast-feeding." Curr Opin Obstet Gynecol. 1992; 4:818-825

Breastfeeding is easier than using formula
After the initial start up period, breastfeeding is very easy. All you have to do is raise your shirt and let the little one latch on. No shopping for formula, bottles, and other supplies. No mixing, heating, refrigerating and cleaning up of formula. If you sleep with your baby, or sleep the baby next to your bed, you can forget about all the disturbing nighttime rituals associated with formula use. All you have to do is roll over, let the baby latch on, and go back to sleep

Breast milk is free
Any way you look at it, you'll spend a lot more money if you choose to formula feed. The added calories a nursing mother must take in are a negligible expense, and nursing clothes are optional. If you need to pump, excellent pumps are available for between $50 and $225. A good pump can be used for more than one child, so they are really an investment. Do be sure to buy a pump manufactured by a company specializing in their manufacture. Beware of pumps made by formula companies. Many woman report these pumps to be inefficient at best, and painful at worst.

Formula is expensive
It presently costs upward of $1,200 dollars per year to formula feed an infant in the United States. If you factor in the added medical cost you are statistically likely to incur, that brings the cost up to around $2,500 per year. If your baby happens to require a hypo-allergenic formula, you will have to pay considerably more

Formula costs the government (and taxpayers) millions of dollars
The U.S. government spends more than $2,665,715 a year to provide formula for the children of non-breastfeeding mothers participating in the WIC supplemental food program. Of course, this doesn't take into consideration the additional costs of caring for those infants who are statistically much more likely to get sick. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, higher breastfeeding rates could reduce US health care costs by $3.6 billion per year.

Riordan, J "The cost of not breastfeeding: a commentary" J Hum Lact 1997; 13(2) 93-97

A.A.P. Breastfeeding Policy Statement: Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk Pediatrics Vol. 115 No. 2 February 2005


Breastfed babies require fewer doctor visits
Since breastfed babies are statistically healthier, they see the doctor less often.

(Kaiser Permanente: Internal research to determine benefits of sponsoring an official lactation program - 1995)

Breast milk always has the right proportions of fat, carbohydrates and protein
Formula companies are constantly adjusting these proportions looking for the best composition. The reality is that a mother's milk composition changes from feeding to feeding depending on the needs of her child. No formula can do that! According to the American Dietetic Association "human milk provides optimal nutrition to the infant with its dynamic composition and the appropriate balance of nutrients provided in easily digestible and bioavailable forms."

J Am Diet Assoc 2001; 101: 1213

Breast milk acts like a natural tranquilizer for baby
Mother's milk contains chemicals that seem to work like "knock-out drops" for tired babies. Even if baby doesn't fall asleep, he/she will certainly calm down and become more agreeable. If you choose to breastfeed into toddlerhood, you may find that the "terrible twos" never materialize.

Breastfeeding acts like a natural tranquilizer for mom
Nursing mothers often joke about falling asleep on the job. The sleep inducing qualities of nursing a baby are remarkable. In fact, some new mothers have to be careful to hold a nursing baby in such a way that they will not drop the child when they inevitably nod off. Nursing in bed is a great solution. Even pumping at work can be a great way to calm down and get refocused during a stressful day. All this relaxation is caused by the hormone oxytocin, which is released each time a mother breastfeeds. It decreases blood pressure and calms the mother. Interestingly, one study found that there were far fewer incidences of domestic violence and sexual abuse in breastfeeding families

The Breastfeeding Book, Copyright 2000, M. Sears, R.N. and Wm. Sears, M.D.. Little Brown and Co.

Acheston, L, "Family violence and breastfeeding" Arch. Fam. Med. 1995, 4:650-652