I am a riddle, shrouded in mystery, wrapped in a tortilla, within an enigma. I have a sometimes dark, sometimes sophomoric, sometimes sophisticated sense of humor. I like to be silly, but am self-aware enough to know when it and isn't appropriate. I prefer someone who can dish it out as well as they can take it, but also knows when to stop. Someone who doesn't confuse a dark sense of humor with just being an asshole. There is a difference.

A friend, whom I hold in high esteem, recently called me, "the nicest fucking person on the planet." I wouldn't go that far but I, dark humor aside, am pretty fucking nice. I'm intellectually curious and, I like to think, fairly bright--and yet I have a spotty academic record and have done some stupid things in the past. I try my damnedest to learn from my mistakes. I am constantly working on my shortcomings. I try to count my blessings every day, because I actually do lead a pretty charmed life.

Perhaps the most extraordinary thing about me is my circle of friends. I'm an awesome friend to a select number of awesome people. I cherish them, even if I don't always say so. I am fun to be around, but I also need my space.

I crave open lines of communication. I fall down on this sometimes myself, but it's what I'm striving for. Someone who will tell me like it is, tactfully yet truthfully. Without resorting to innuendo or insults--always with the best of intentions.

I want someone who's grown in and out of relationships, who is complete with or without me...or anyone else, for that matter. Someone intelligent, strong, and funny...yet humble. Someone whose pain has manifested itself into compassion rather than bitterness. Someone ambitious...for life's passions not for money. Someone who appreciates culture, but isn't a snob about it. A grown up without being stuffy. That enjoys Disneyland. Spur of the moment road trips. And Mystery Science Theater 3000. Quick-witted, warm, and who is OK with lazing about in our undies on a Sunday watching football until we finally decide we want to go to Venice and people-watch over lunch. Someone kinda like me. But maybe with boobs.

School, school and more school. Shit I should have done a long time ago, but instead I was stupid and got married. I'm more than making up for it now, though. Majoring in Urban Planning with an English minor--I enjoy creative writing. For work, I'm a bartender for a couple of catering companies. I also do some free-lance architectural drafting whenever it comes my way; I worked in architecture for a little over 10 years.

Giving names, voices and personality to animals and inanimate objects. Though for some reason, everything I give voice to has either a Brooklyn or Cockney accent. I'm told by people I trust that I have a high E.Q. And I know L.A. about as well as anyone...so if you need directions somewhere I can likely tell you how to get there.

They can never quite figure out what the Hell I am. Popular guesses include: "Some type of Middle-Easterner", Jewish, Italian, Greek, or anywhere in the Mediterranean for that matter. For the record, I'm of Mexican descent. With a hint of Dutch on my mom's side. I also smile pretty easily.

(A) Anything by Haruki Murakami, Jasper Fforde, Franz Kafka, Douglas Adams, Ann Beattie, Harlan Ellison, Margaret Atwood, etc.

(B) Jaws, Amadeus, The Godfather, Godzilla movies, The Usual Suspects, Airplane, All Monty Pythons, The Return of the Jedi, Let the Right One In, Despicable Me, most Pixar films, etc.

(C) Radiohead, Depeche Mode, Massive Attack, Morrissey w/ and w/o The Smiths, Portishead, The Cure, ladytron, Helio Sequence, Hooverphonic, Bjork, The Beatles, Air, Sia, David Bowie, Gotan Project, Pink Floyd, New Order, Stars, Zero7, Van Morrison, Apples In Stereo, Weezer etc. I also like classical music, oldies, some jazz; I'm open to a lot of things but I'm also very particular.

(D) Any combination of chocolate and peanut butter, Thai, pizza, Italian, Mexican, Indian, Jewish delis, etc.

My iPod, underpants, 8.5 hours of sleep, my dog Gunther, NPR, and Yogurtland.

Public transportation systems. Seriously, this is kind of an obsession of mine. I spend too much time thinking about it. For instance, finding a plausible/effective rail route connecting the San Fernando and San Gabriel Valleys. Connecting the existing Green Line to LAX and Metrolink. And other problems that would make our light and heavy rail systems a bit more useful. That and sports.

Plotting your demise. Or working. Or both.

I hate sushi. I voted for Nader. Twice. And I don't find Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt the least bit attractive.

You love animals. You're a bit nerdy. You're nice to your waiter/waitress. And you read at least most of what I wrote and dig it.

I usually hate it when people do this, but now I know why. OK, please DON'T message me if:

You're a "straight" guy and your girlfriend is out of town, and you're looking for a blowjob. That's offensive on many levels. And just so you know, that's not "boredom", that's latent homo-ness. If you're bored read a book.

Or you want to tell me how gross I am for not being able to choose a gender or "a hole" and sticking with it. Seriously, who fucking does that?

You're 20 years older than me and your search parameters are set for 35-20 years younger than you. Really, this is only guys. Come on. No, I don't care that you have a nice car. I really, really don't.