You actually want to do so... I'm not coercing you, but I will say
that I know for a fact that the google earth sat has a death ray on
it, and I may or may not be able to control it. so... it's totally
your choice. If you want... to live. BWAHAHAHAhahahaha!
Your profile is loaded with...
A: pictures of you hanging on dudes that you've had sex with.
B: Pictures of you duckfacing like a pro. (stitute)
C: Pictures absent of smiles or any indication that you've ever had
D: Pictures of me showering.
E: High angle shots that make your eyes pop and cleavage
F: Pictures of your penis.
G: Pictures of your cat's penis.
H: alphabetized lists.
I: The phrase, "I've been hurt in the past..." and the past means
less than 15 minutes ago.
J: A total lack of sarcasm.
K: biting criticisms. (Like this.)
These are the things that make you unlovable. Now that you know,
feel free to lie to me about them later and I will do my best to
love you inappropriately. (Is that creepy? sounded kinda
Ok... you've got through all of the silliness. If you've got this
far with a smile on your face maybe even with the occasional titter
or giggle. Congratulations! You're probably awesome! I have a
little information for you. (and yes it's actually real) I have two
daughters. They're awesome. They live with me. I have over two
hundred college credit hours and no degree. I'll go back to get my
BS sooner or later, but right now I like my job and it pays me
enough. I'm easy going. I like road trips and travelling. for some
reason my kids love caverns and mines and I take them whenever I
can. That's some real info, but I suppose the subterfuge
told more about me
than anything: I'm not looking for just anybody. I have photos and
if you read this hit
up. Now back to the show.
...and don't message me if you're just looking for casual sex. All
my sex happens in ball rooms while wearing tuxedos
. If you're not
into that I suppose I could lower my standards to sex in fancy
. (tie required)
If your profile is REALLY specific. I love it when the ladies throw
out the (insert eye color) and (hair color) adonis that's made of
money, and has a Phd. That also loves all your hobbies, shares all
your intrests, and won't judge you even if you shoot a preacher in
the face with a shotgun filled with babies. I assume women that
specific have daddy issues or secretly want to have sex with their
brother and I'm all about shameful freak sex
You can also message me if there is some sort of emergency like a
fire or home
and the only thing you have is a laptop that's stuck
on my profile. I'll contact the authorities on your behalf.