31 Akron, OH
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My self-summary
Warning: this is a big profile. If you dont like reading big profiles, either skim the first two sentences of every paragraph here and move on, or just back out and run screaming into the darkness. I try to make this profile as descriptive about me, my tastes, and my views as possible, rather than the popular method of being as vague as possible.
***** you have been warned*****

I'm a dorky and politically confusing individual that drives truck, listens to techno/industrial, enjoys the outdoors(namely camping and possibly biking and kayaking), plays random PC video games(steam FTW), and loves all that is goodwill(yes, I mean the store). I have a strange pension for brutal, unrelenting honesty(that is to say, that if you ask a question, no matter how personal, ill answer it completely and totally truthfully). Oh, and Im also one of those rare and elusive men that believes in chivalry, though a more modern version. Dont expect me to toss my coat in a puddle so you can walk over it, I will likely give you a very funny look.

I am geeky, silly, and open-minded (and my demon name is "Destroyer of minds, wielder of puns" or at least thats what a friend tells me..... I wasnt aware I had one....)

Surgeon General's Warning: this profile may give you facepalms, groans, heartburn, and possible death by excessive laughter. You have been warned..... again

TAGS: geek, books, sci-fi, science fiction, video games, zombies, camping, bicycling, truck driving, werewolves, dating, fantasy, dork, puns, steam, PC games
What I’m doing with my life
Right now I'm actually a truck driver. My job is semi-local, meaning I stick mostly to Ohio and surrounding area. Im home daily for the most part, though my nights consist mostly of my getting off work, going home, taking a shower, and collapsing after watching some netflix. I may or may not have enough time to pack a lunch for the next day and do some laundry, so on most days, its a pretty busy living. Make good fundage with this though.

I hope to quit driving truck one day. Its a fantastic job and I'm proud to be doing it, but in all honesty, it aint much fun being a truck driver when it comes to attempting to have a social life. Also, I dislike being compared to the vast majority of the drivers out here, some of them make the Unibomber look positively normal.

I'm also working toward getting my own place, which I do intend to buy. Right now I'm living with my grandfather. We both have similar attitudes and he needed someone to help with the bills. His is the house I plan to buy if possible because of its history with our family.

FYI, my truck driving does not mean I'm the type that doesn't bathe, listens to country, bitches about Obama or is excessively overweight. Truck drivers are like Starburst, we're all a bit chewy though some of us taste better than others. I'd hope I'm more of a lemon flavor as I can be sour sometimes, but usually I'm fruity, yet sweet. Yes, this means I do get stuck in your teeth, so be prepared for cavities.
I’m really good at
Finding deals.... yeah, its sad, but we all have to have hobbies. its this or Masturbation..... oh wait, I do that too *le-gasp* >.< Cleaning up and looking nice for dates and special occasions. No really, I can be a slob sometimes(what guys aren't?) but I know how to clean up and I do like dressing up nice. To give you perspective, Ive been able to hit on lesbians in a gay bar and not get laughed at..... Actually got one to dance with me. :P

cooking. I cook for my grandfather and he likes my cooking. I usually enjoy things with cheese and BBQ sauce on them the most, but Im also known for involving broccoli in the mix. Making awesome brownies lately. BTW, Im terrible at cooking vegan, so Its probably not a good idea to ask. I tend to cook things meaty and hearty, but Ive been picking up tips to cook a little healthier while not abandoning meat entirely. Im trying to cook slightly more organic while not going the "purely" organic route. That stuff is just freakishly expensive.
The first things people usually notice about me
My appearance makes me look a lot younger than I am, so sometimes I wear a beard for kicks just so people wont treat me like I'm 12(no seriously, I have pictures of me at 19 and OKcupid wouldnt let me post them because they thought it was a 12 year old kid). I seriously look A LOT younger than I am. On that note, if you look older than you actually are, and if we went out, I look forward to convincing everyone that we are mother and son, and then promptly making out on a park bench for laughs. You know you want to snap pictures of horrified looks....

My sarcasm, my sense of humor, and the puns.... OH THE PUNS.... they do not stop!!!

My sweet tooth, which usually leads to a lot of ice cream, usually cookie dough or fudge brownie. Ive found a way to mix the finest combination ever devised.... fudge brownie ice cream with booze, and no, it doesnt curdle the milk :3

Oh, and I'm short, so no references to lucky charms, I might be a Leprechaun, but I dont have any gold worth stealing...... not yet anyways, I do have a rich uncle ;)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A Whisper of Wings by Paul Kidd and Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. Absolutely my favorite 2 books ever. I prefer sci fi and fantasy novels, but Ive also a smaller interest in mystery and Paranormal suspense(as well as the occasional romance), so I have a wide variety of tastes with books. I also enjoyed the Xanth series, jane lindskold's wolf series, Brian Jacques' "Castaways of the Flying Dutchman"(magnificent book), The Spellsinger series by Alan Dean Foster, Charles De Lint's "wolf Moon", CJ Cherryh's Chanur saga, Andrew Swann's Moreau series, KD Wentworth, and Lisanne Norman's Sholan Alliance series. Been reading a lot of Heinlein and Christopher Moore. If you know anything about these books, you will notice a trend. Oh, and Dresden Files

most(if not all) starship flight combat games(IE Wing Commander, Galaxy on Fire 2, DarkStar One, Etc...) Many various RPGs(FF series, Legend of Legaia, Vindictus, etc...), and some RTS and FPS series if the game story is good enough. MacGuffin's Curse and a handful of other puzzle games. I'm not big on MMOs because they all tend to be about mindless grinding or farming of stuff, and then your life goes to s#%t because you never leave your computer. I finally saw the trend when I noticed I had a freind that would rather play WoW than get romantic with his girlfriend. Naturally I canceled my subscription a week later.

TV shows:
Fringe, Supernatural, Stargate, Sanctuary, The walking Dead, Lie to me, Misfits(Hulu Exclusive show), Eureka, Warehouse 13, Better off Ted, Agents of Shield, Almost Human, Arrow, Pretender(an older show), Dexter, Breaking Bad, Various Star Trek tv shows, and Chuck.

"second hand Lions", "Limitless", "John Carter", "Never Cry Wolf", "The Abyss extended edition", "Green Street Hooligans", "fight club", "lucky number slevin", "Fifth Element", "Scary movie 1" and "2", "Shawshank Redemption", "American Beauty", Johnny Depp movies, Adam Sandler movies. I love pretty much all varieties of movies except for horror movies. Modern horror movies just generally fail to scare me. I grew up watching the Hellraiser movies, the Alien Trilogy, and anything else gory and scary that no child should ever grow up watching. :P Ive only seen a few that succeeded in bringing even the mildest of startled surprises out of me.

Bleach, One Piece, Bagi monster of mighty nature, Summer Wars, Fairy Tail, and the ORIGINAL Dragonball(before the constipated battle noises of Z), Hayao Miyazaki films and a few others that catch my fancy. I like anime with more of a story and less of a bunch of overly muscular teenagers grunting in constipation. Oh, and Naruto sucks(yes, I said it, what you gonna do about it?) I know it isnt Japanese anime, but the Avatar series was and still is, one of the best animated series out there. I am avidly awaiting the release of the next season of Legend of Korra.

Food: Most anything meaty and home cooked. I will however try just about any food once. I love Indian food. I also love Ice cream and milkshakes the way Bill Clinton loves interns. Yep, fresh, creamy, and under the table. With or without nuts XP Though I dont know if its a bad sign that I prefer chocolate.... Ok, Ill stop XD

Music: I listen to Trance, Goa, psytrance, industrial, some metal bands, certain classic rock, and some 80s pop groups. Included are bands like: NIN, Green day, Lonely Island, VNV Nation, Crystal Method, Delerium, Marilyn Manson, Orgy, Garbage, Hybrid, Blackmill, Eiffel 65, Placebo, Fatboy Slim, Synthetic Dream Foundation, Mushroomhead, and Prodigy. I will also admit to enjoying classic Micheal Jackson(before he turned into Skeletor) "YOU IS ALL IGNANT!!!" FYI, if my music tastes are not your thing, I can be just fine finding ones that we can share. I do like a lot of 80s and other classic rock, if only to recognize the classics. And our music tastes obviously dont have to be identical, though Country and rap are among two genres that I find it pretty difficult to relate to or develop any interest in.
The six things I could never do without
In no particular order:
Geeky stuff. childhood Cartoons, PC Video games, etc...

broccoli...... WHAT!?!?!?! hey, its good when its cooked right!!! Plus it makes me poop, and as we all know, everyone poops.

Juice or iced tea. I love green iced tea, cranberry grape juice and Ruby Red Grapefruit. I drink all Juice like some people drink soda or coffee. Also, I drink a lot of fluids because I have to, so expect me to go through jugs of random drinks, especially the above mentioned ones.

Books, reading, audio books, etc..... I tend to go through youth series like Percy Jackson and other series of myth/legend origin(especially werewolves) and through all manner of other scifi and fantasy series, though I found I could NOT do GoT, so dont ask. Too darned depressing.

The Internet, after-all, where else would I get my source of free porn? I use it to keep up with friends, and to watch stuff on Hulu/netflix.

A vehicle. Transportation is one of those things a lot of people take for granted, and I try to take care of mine.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I think about life. What I'm gonna do with it. What I want to do with a house once I have one. Sometimes this leads to browsing real estate websites for ideas.

I also ponder fantasy and sci-fi related stuff like zombies, werewolves, and how lame sci-fi original movies are. (OMG SHARKTOPUS!!!)

Finally I sit around and wonder both how Match.com could think that taking so many of the better features of this site out would have been a good idea.... AND how hypocrites can exist, by rules of math, shouldnt they cease to exist?(combining positive with negative equals zero)

Oh, and how does one have "casual sex" I mean if sex were so casual, does that mean I can wear nothing for "casual friday" And is there casual dress for casual sex? do I just need slacks, maybe a sweater.....
On a typical Friday night I am
playing on the internet..... WHAT!?!?!? there are so many things to do online, I'm essentially guaranteed to never get bored. I can check my stocks and then play a few games with my joystick...... FLIGHT SIMULATORS you warped child you. Weekday nights I tend to get home, try to get in some relaxation time after a long day(I work about 9am-11pm on average, sometimes a little later). Saturdays are the days you can expect to see me out and about, maybe sundays too.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'd totally become a werewolf if(and ONLY IF) I could control it. I figure it would be awesome. Dig up the flower beds in the mean lady's yard, chase cars, crap in someone's prized vegetable garden, invite muggers to try to mug you..... I figure it would be pretty entertaining. Sure, forcefully transforming would be a bitch, but if you could control the wolf side, I'm sure you could have lots of fun with it. Besides, whats more cuddly than a wolf? You know you'd want to rub my tummy or play fetch!!!! Come ON! Just picture walking me to the dog park.....
You should message me if
...if you like geeky people. I happen to rate a 6 or 7 on the geekometer. yes, that is a scientific number. Newton's geekometer has never proven to be false. Also, being somewhere in the middle, Im the perfect balance of normal and total dork. Best of both worlds if you will.

...If you have a car and a job to support making trips to fun places. I especially like women who are self-sufficient. No really, I cannot stress this one enough. Self-sufficient is a necessity, which is why its near the top.

...If you have an attitude. I prefer smart-asses to the meek ones out there. I have that kindof sense of humor.

...If you like werewolves, zombies and related discussions or movies.

...If you just want to chat. I got aim, yahoo, and unlimited talk and text on my cell. I prefer chatting over the phone tho because I can put on my headset and talk for about an hour or so while driving, keeps me from getting bored while driving. Being bored equals bad because I tend to fidget or get sleepy, so you are doing a community service by calling me while im driving as ridiculous as that sounds.

...or if you like to travel a lot. My job involves travel, but not as much as my previous truck driving job. This one is primarily OH, PA, IN, and IL. Occasionally I go up into WI, so if you like cheese, lemme know and Ill play drug pusher with wisconsin grade Dairy product. Its good stuff, really creamy, you know you want to, all the cool kids are doing it, Cheddar is better.... ok, Ill stop :P

...If you read my profile and DIDN'T take me completely seriously, laughed, and thought my sense of humor might be worth having around. Afterall, I'm limited edition, and I do not come on compact disc.

...Or if you are a complete dork, look good in a bathing suit, and want to go to the Bahamas for a week(no seriously, I won a trip and I want someone with a nice butt to take.... Not true anymore, I went, it was a blast, but Id be happy to go again for kicks.
In case some of you haven't gathered, I am a smartass and I try to enjoy life for what it is, an adventure. But with all things in life, there are always going to be some things I can't live with. The following are reasons you shouldn't message me unless you plan to only want to be friends. If something in the following fits you, I can promise you it wont go beyond a few dates or basic friendship. Before you read this, know that Im going to stop the jokes long enough to get serious. If you cant be serious with yourself and know that Im not making fun of you, Im being critical, because Ive judged myself by these same standards, so if you cant do the same, I really dont know what to tell you other than i suggest you not get angry with me.

...If you don't have a job or a career and arent really interested in ever getting either of the two. I'm at the stage in my life where I want a responsible partner. I'm fine going out on a few dates with someone who doesn't make much, but I promise you now, that unless you have a steady career or make decent income off whatever irregular work, or own a struggling business that you are honestly trying hard to make work, It wont go beyond friendship and I may begin dating other people while we are "seeing" each other, regardless of how long we've been "dating" (decent income is defined in my book as substantial enough to pay your rent and bills and still have plenty left over to enjoy) PS. If you're between jobs or having a "shitty" moment or few years in life, thats a different story entirely. If you've pursued a career and did the 9-5 career thing for a while and it fell apart due to cutbacks or whatever, thats cool too. Keep in mind I bring up finances because I dont want to be the husband that works ALL the time. I saw my dad do that, and it sucked not getting to know him better. I dont want my family to go through that. I want us to all work together and make a better life. The big issue here is I want someone with an actual PASSION, or money, so we can pursue hobbies together. If your hobby is spending ALL your life playing MMORPGS or facebook games without worrying how youll experience life outside the game or support your livelyhood in the event of a catastrophe, you and I are not going to happen

...If you are over the age of 25 and don't have your license. Medical reasons aside, you would have had 10 years to get a drivers license, and if it hasn't happened yet, it never will. I can't deal with the thought of going on more than one or two dates with someone who literally REFUSES to get their own transportation or at least learning how to drive. Insisting on riding your bicycle to work is one thing or even being unable to afford having a car, but you can't tell me you don't have a reason for at least getting a basic drivers license. I have my reasons and Yes, I've done this before, and it was aggravating, and ended up being a sore spot in at least 3 of my previous relationships, sore enough that the relationships ended partly because of it. I'm not even going to touch relationships of this nature anymore.

...If you want to save my soul because I don't go to church often enough(which is probably once a year, if even that). No offense, but my belief in god shouldn't be an issue. If you believe otherwise, it wont work out. Yes, I do believe, but its on a completely different level from most other Christians. Ive discovered this bothers people so I'm making this known beforehand. I believe in praying only when its something that I have no power over, like a dangerous surgery on a family member. My Christian/new age belief structure is very mellow, and I'm not looking forward to anyone pushing me into regular church visits.

...If you have any intention to drag me to a football game, or make me watch one on the TV. For several personal reasons, I have to refuse to watch football. I wont even watch it with my grandfather, and I absolutely adored him my whole life. Most other sports I have no problem with and some I will enjoy going to games, even if I wont play much of them in my spare time(baseball and soccer). But, American football is of no interest to me. If you want to watch in your spare time without trying to include me, I'm fine with that. I MIGHT, much farther into our relationship, be ok with going to one game, just to get out and do something, but thats debatable. Again, personal reasons.....