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clayt0ni0us

44 M Honolulu, HI

My Details

Last Online
Nov 3, 2008
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Other, and very serious about it
Sign
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from two-year college
Job
Other
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Married
Relationship Type
Offspring
Has kids
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), Hawaiian (Poorly), Irish (Poorly), Other (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I can hardly ever be relied on to be serious. You want to know me? Know this: I can't breathe under water. Neither can monkeys.

Exactly.

I am human, carbon based, and not a hermaphrodite
What I’m doing with my life
At the moment I am putting some words inside of this little box thingy. After this, probably a bottle of pills, a bottle of Jack, a Hustler magazine, and a good strong rope if you catch my meaning, wink, wink. The pills and the Jack are for the monkey, the hustler is for me, and the rope? Haven't figured that one out yet, but it is going to be fucking-A fabulous I will PROMISE you that! Actually, I think me and the monkey are gonna have to share that Jack, but I don't think I will be able to pry that little bastards claws away from that pill bottle. Fuckin' junky monkey.
I’m really good at
Fuckin'. Sorry to be so modest here..., but I AM pretty good at it.
The first things people usually notice about me
My enormous package. Ha, Ha, just kidding! It's really quite tiny. In fact, most people think I am a girl because I get this little vulva thing going on when I wear tight jeans. That, and my enormous Man tits (or "moobs" as we like to say in the mens D-cup club). It's really quite a handsome look...if your name is Alice and you clean up after the fuckin' Brady Bunch for a living.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Green Eggs and Ham... goble that green Ham Sam-I-Am you dirty little fucker; SWALLOW IT!!!! Any thing by Chuck Pahlian...paliun.... what the fuck ever, that guy that wrote fight club. My favorite was Choke.

Movies: Ass Milk #1 thru 23, and Gone with the Wind.

Music: Anything with an organ grinder and a dancing monkey. Goddamn those little fuckers make me laugh; what with their little hotel doorman outfits, and the way they look so pissed off all the time because Giuseppi is forcing him to degrade himself for peanuts and maybe a banana. It just so fuckin' sweet, you know? The bond between man and animal? Dance little monkey, DANCE! Before Giuseppi forces his big Italian sausage up your monkey bum again and MAKES you jump around!.... sorry, went to my alone place for a moment there...

Food: Yes. It compliments my humoungous man-funbags
The six things I could never do without
1. My left Moob. 2. My right Moob 3. My Man Vulva 4. The Koran 5. Pork Sandwiches 6. Hot, sweet, juicy POON-TANG!!!!!!!!!!!
On a typical Friday night I am
POON-TANG!!!!!!!!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am pretty much a sociopath, but I am a NICE sociopath. I live a double life; you know, wife, kids, church leader, etc.... But secretly, I am here for POON-TANG!!!!!!! True to my sociopathic nature, I can live this double life and nobody in my normal world has the first fucking clue about what a devious little bastard I really am.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 29–74
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, casual sex
You should message me if
You are into sociopaths, have a poon-tang, and would like to involve my moobs, your poon-tang, a pork sandwich, and the Koran in something both magnificent and illegal in most parts of the world. We can leave my man vulva out of it for now...