A few things to note. I don’t like to sit still for very long, I don’t like drama, I love to socialize, and I have lots of female friends from a massage class I took while going through my mid-life crisis. I do however keep most of them locked in the basement.
If you don’t like Vodka, bacon and lesbian or midget porn you should probably smack your mother now and move on to the next profile.
I’m here looking for my best friend. She’ll be smart, cute, compassionate, full of life, open minded, independent and secure enough to put on a bikini for jello wrestling … probably with the girls in the basement.
Fun, laughter and witty conversation are what I want. If you walk around most of the day looking like somebody turned your prized Shitzu inside out and made themselves a purse, you’re probably not for me.
Now, here are your instructions.
If you think there is a chance you can put up with my shit, have time to date, and live close enough that the price of a Wawa hot dog in gas money will get you to my place, click the email button. No life story required, a simple “Hi, I have boobs.” will do.
If you just think I’m cute, funny or would look good mounted above your fireplace, click the ever so useless favorite button.
One final note. While I like to write funny things, I tend to be a bit more serious, sensitive and compassionate in person. Don’t let the right side of my brain scare you. The left side will be in control on our first few dates. :)