Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I take jokes too far. I'm easily entertained. I only keep a small
group of close friends. I rarely enjoy being the center of
attention, but I have some great pictures from the times I do. I
can be ridiculously stubborn, but I'm pretty reasonable most of the
When I'm in a shitty mood I usually make some kind of dessert and
pass it out to friends and coworkers, just to snap out of it.
Fudge, cookies, brownies, etc. I made something the other day
similar to a peanut butter Twix. They were awesome.
I am horrible at selling myself. Also at dancing. In my defense, I
_am_ a white guy, and there's a reason that stereotype exists. I'm
also awful at telling if a woman is flirting or just being friendly
- it's why I like one who's direct. Seriously. Don't make me
I'm a better listener than talker, and I have to fight the urge to
try and fix the problems people are just looking to vent about.
I've also been referred to as a vault, because I don't repeat the
things I've been told. I'm like a therapist, but with less
training, and lower hourly rates.
More often than I care to admit I try to say two similar words at
the same time, creating something that is not, technically
I'm as comfortable holding a 6-week old baby as I am running around
with my 3-4 year olds at work. Kids are a huge part of my life, but
I'm not looking to have them this instant.
I can bullseye the snooze button without turning my head, or
opening my eyes. I am often 5 minutes late to work. There may be a
connection between these two facts. I'm not convinced yet.
I don't wear skinny jeans. Let's face it, they look
Also, I'm probably going to pet your dog.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I teach preschool, so I spend a lot of time trying to keep a
straight face while telling someone not to put that fork up their
nose. Usually more than once.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Baking. Sarcastic responses. Talking my friend into getting a tramp
stamp (yes, he and I are still friends). Frying eggs. Coming up
with ridiculous answers to things I should probably take seriously.
Calming children. Deliberately taking things out of context for my
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Generally that I'm fairly quiet. Reading this profile that might
surprise you, but the first time we might I'm probably sizing you
up, not trying to be entertaining. Plus, you've got to earn that
shit. Once I warm up anything goes, but until then I tend to stay a
little guarded. Needless to say it makes dating a little tricky.
That whole first impression thing is kind of a bitch.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Oh, just a sample:
Books: I read a lot of history. Don't worry, I don't expect anyone
else to be interested in it, so I don't share. Also, I'm not the
least bit pretentious about it. I don't care what, or even if you
Movies: The Princess Bride. Man on Fire. Defiance. Anchorman.
Really anything but horror.
Shows: Justified. Psych. Archer. Big Bang Theory. The League.
Music: I tend to like a song or two here and there, ranging from
classic rock to hip hop. I can never answer the favorite musician
Food: Biscuits and gravy. Breakfast in general. Seafood. Meat.
Desserts (Which is the real reason I've learned to make them).
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My Funderwear collection
My safeword (FYI- it's "jazzercise". But you have to do jazz hands
while saying it, or it doesn't count.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Ancient Mediterranean and 16-19th century European history. Which
no one else cares about. Seriously, no one. So if asked I usually
just say I'm thinking about animals wearing clothes. Formal attire,
of course. These are classy animals, not riff raff. People still
stare at me like I'm insane, but at least I'm entertained by it.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Relaxing from a long, yet rewarding week of shaping the minds of
today's youth. Or drinking because I'm worn out from keeping my
little crayon-eaters alive every day. While doing the Burt Reynolds
centerfold pose, of course.
Things I'm NOT doing one a typical Friday night:
-Joining a cult
-Redecorating my bathroom
-Painting my nails
-Going on a jihad
-Listening to Wham (Let's face it, they're no Flock of Seagulls)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Despite my rugged good looks and imposing height (calm down ladies,
I know, I know: 5'8". Try not to swoon), I am in fact neither an
international spy nor supermodel. Trust me, I'm just as shocked as
Also, I like looking at the really low match% and high enemy%
profiles, just out of curiosity.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you were entertained, and feel a burning desire to let me
Or if you're attracted, and can say yes to at least several of the
-can handle being teased
-don't have issues with fidelity**
-can be goofy
-you're okay with lists. I seem to make a lot of lists***
-don't expect people to be perfect, because I definitely am
Also, I have a space between my front teeth, courtesy of my dad's
side of the family. If you're not okay with that, that's fine, but
I'm not going to surprise you with it when we meet.
*This is not the same as a burning sensation when you pee. You
should really see a doctor about that.
**Not optional. If it's a struggle for you, have a nice day.
***And use asterisks
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