I was born on the 30th anniversary of Ernest Hemingway's suicide.
I'm sure if I was the brooding, artsy type there's a novel in there
somewhere. Instead, I'm a stand up comedian who tells jokes about
her mishaps with dudes, jobs, and life in general. Right now, I'm a
baker at a local restaurant, and I make some pretty great cookies
and scones! Recently graduated with a BA in English.
What I’m doing with my life
Recently graduated school. Performing on stage. Making my friends
and family laugh. Cooking. Launching a podcast/branding platform.
Trying to figure out what exactly I'm meant to do with this
Working at a coffee shop, and I'm the sassy server who isn't that
great at serving, but my subversion makes up for it.
I’m really good at
I don't want to say that I'm really good at making people laugh
because then your first thought is, "Well...this girl ain't made me
laugh the entire time I've been reading her profile," which is
probably true. But give me a break, if someone's profile said, "I'm
really good at my job, being a rocket scientist," you wouldn't be
like, "Well, science me some rockets, peasant." No, you'd think
that person is a liar, right, because rocket scientist as an
occupation only exists in cartoons and when people are trying to
make you feel dumb. It's not rocket science, people.
I'm really good at isolating rocket scientists on dating profiles.
Forget finding love -- that's been my agenda the entire time.
The first things people usually notice about me
"Does she really throw her hands around that often?"
Yes, I'm a gesturer. I'm a gesturer who ends up sounding like a
stroke victim when she tries to pronounce "gesturer."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
TV Shows: Arrested Development
, Breaking Bad
, Parks and
, The Shield
Upon a Time
, The Walking Dead
, RuPaul's Drag Race
, The Mindy Project
, Bobs Burgers
, Sons of
, Game of Thrones
Movies: Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, Misery, Forgetting Sarah
Marshall, Cabin in the Woods, Bridesmaids, The Royal Tenenbaums,
Fantastic Mr. Fox, Ghost World, Moonrise Kingdom, Lost in
Translation, The Philadelphia Story, Moonrise Kingdom
Music: Fiona Apple
, Florence +
, Cher Lloyd
, Queens of the Stone Age
, Brand New
, No Doubt
, Tegan and
, Sleigh Bells
, Jeff Buckley
Lit-trah-ture: 16th - 17th century lit (aka tons of poetry and
), John Steinbeck
, Dorothy Parker
, Elizabeth Gaskell
, The Bronte
The six things I could never do without
My favourite pair of sweatpants,
the bus system
high heels and wedges
Bob Loblaw's Law Blog
I spend a lot of time thinking about
"What Parks and Rec episode should I rewatch for the hundredth
time..."(My favourite show in the whole. wide. world.)
"Why the hell these professors push these due dates so close
together? I have to miss class to write this paper for
"I'm hungry. When's lunch?"
"Man, my friends are pretty awesome."
"Ooh, it's double coupon week at Harris Teeter."
"YES. I like these comments I got on my paper."
"When does Breaking Bad start again?"
"YAY The Walking Dead is on!"
"I love saying 'panqueques con mantequilla y miel."
On a typical Friday night I am
I'm probably watching Netflix, doing homework, bugging out with
friends, or hitting a bar. Or I'm performing somewhere.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've been writing out of the same moleskine journal for four years.
I'm trying to fill it up!
You should message me if
You have a pocket watch with the clock removed that says "Baller
You should message me if I fit the scientifically tested Backstreet
Boys' "Everybody" checklist:
1) Am I original?
2) Am I the only one?
3) Am I sexual?
4) Am I everything you need you betta rock yo body now?
See you later :)