Hmm... where to begin?

I'm on the lifelong road to self-discovery and self-growth. So.. though I may BE something or ACT in some way, I may not always be conscious of it. If you point something out to me about me, I may not like it at first, but I will think on it, and eventually appreciate your participation in my journey.

I'm currently in grad school for a Master's in Occupational Therapy (helping others to do what they need to, want to, or are expected to do in life) and so am experiencing a funny contradiction. We are taught (and I believed in previously) the veritable mantra of "balance." That is we should encourage a balance between work play leisure etc in people's lives. Yet, being in grad school consistently unbalances our own.

Some things I do to try to regain balance? Read [[fantasy novels]], [[take hot baths]] while reading, go [[hiking]], [[swimming]], watch [[movies]], watch [[anime]], [[cuddle]] with my husband, [[talk]] with my husband, hang out with [[friends]], take care of/spend time with our [[reptiles]] and [[cats]], take a [[walk]], and I'm sure there are others, but those come to mind first.

So, some things that I have discovered about myself or am?

I am a very sensual/physical being. What this means: I love certain textures of food, clothing, etc. I love the feel of things on my skin. I tend to express myself very physically with gestures, hugs, cuddles, etc. I am very sexual, but not necessarily sexual with YOU. Oh yeah, not only do I express myself this way, but I crave the contact from those I feel strongly about. So if you hate cuddling, or PDA, I'm probably not good for you.

I love my silly, spontaneous etc sides, but they get balanced out by my practical, ambitious, and somewhat shy aspects.

I have a strong passion for helping others.

I can think too much and worry/fear myself to death.

I HATE to clean. Really. I am very much so not a homemaker type. I like to cook, and I like to do little things like set the coffee for my husband the night before, etc but that's about it.

I am not always so cooth IN THE CONFINES OF MY OWN HOME. I know how to "behave" in public. Ex. I love to eat with my fingers. I curse quite a bit. etc.

I'm working to allow myself to not be perfect. Particularly I value strength, hard work, and contributing to my family. Previously my definitions of these have caused some distress, so I'm working to determine what they do mean to me, and sort of allow them to be a little more flexible.

If I haven't scared you away by now, keep reading and/or email me for more :o).

I tend to get gung-ho about things and decide "yes!!! I shall follow this path!!!" (hey, passion is a good thing!) because I love the idea of the thing. But, don't always think enough about it to realize that perhaps it's not such a good fit for me practically, emotionally, physically, etc etc.

example...

I found out about Teach for America (teachforamerica.org) my 2nd to last semester at New College. I immediately loved the concept, and decided that yes I would help in the struggle against poor education, etc. I began figuring out where I'd like to teach, how I'd fit this into my plans to become an OT, etc etc etc. Began the application process etc. Upon Brian cautioning me to not jump into it, to think about it (though he would support any decision I made)... I did. I realized that teaching wasn't a strong suit of mine. That I prefer working one on one with kids. That I could always come back to it AFTER I became an OT if I changed my mind. Etc. Being completely honest with myself I realize that I probably would have been miserable for two years had I gone through with it. Most of these thoughts were confirmed when I was a preschool teacher for 5 months last spring. However, I still think it's a very important organization/cause. Just not right for me.

There is at least one other thing in my life right now that I wonder if it isn't a similar "love the idea!!" but not for me. But then I wonder again if that isn't just an excuse not to confront issues and work through pain.

How does one determine this? Still working it out...

From cafeastrology.com

When your Venus is in Pisces, you love tenderly and compassionately. You are a peace-maker at heart, and your sensors are so strong that you pick up as much as possible, and perhaps more, from your partner. You have a sense of humor in love, although you have your shares of ups and downs, as you are a very sensitive person. Harshness bothers you. Wistfulness is almost as natural to you as breathing when it comes to love. No matter how you approach other areas of your life, there is a romantic side of you. You crave making a connection with a person—many would call it a deep connection, but spiritual is a better word, as your ideal love rises above rather than plunges below the mundane world.

You can be devastatingly attractive to some people, and your charm is of a tender and soft quality. Others sense your warmth, but also some elusiveness. As much as you want to connect and share with another person, you also resist being pinned down. You prefer to enjoy a certain amount of freedom to act on your feelings, rather than through schedules or impositions. Sometimes you attach yourself to people because you have a hard time saying "no". However, you also have a hard time pretending for any length of time. Your exit from a relationship may not always be direct and quick. You are not always comfortable with being direct, simply because you don't like hurting people's feelings.

You can sometimes seem like a chameleon in your relationships. People who share time with you, if they were to exchange notes about you, would likely have a very different impression of you. You can seem like a completely different person with different people--not because you have a weak character. Because you are an emotional sponge, you pick up the needs of those around you. Your adaptability comes from a lack of personal boundaries in matters of the heart. Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac, and it carries with it each and every sign. This explains, to a degree, your ability to slip into anyone's shoes without so much as a blink. So, with Venus, the planet of love and relationship, in Pisces, it is easy for you to pick up the needs of your partner and even adopt those needs as your own. Where do your needs start and end? It can be hard for you to distinguish what it is that you want because you very spontaneously and naturally soak in the needs and wants of a partner.

You have an amazing capacity to understand people and to forgive. Just as you resist being pinned down to an absolute, a schedule, or a concrete definition, you also have a hard time drawing boundaries. In the process, however, you open yourself up to challenging situations and relationships. It is difficult for you to pass judgment on anyone in an absolute sense, as you have compassion for human failings, but sometimes it is the only way to close yourself off from a bad situation. Don't let others take advantage of your hospitality and empathy. Anyone who sees these traits as signs of weakness is likely preying on them! The right lover for you will recognize your kindness and your willingness to slip into someone's shoes as signs of strength! When that special someone has touched your heart, they are rewarded with a funny, sometimes kooky, and always tender-hearted lover. The right person for you will find you absolutely delightful, intriguingly changeable, and a treasure indeed.


Venus in Pisces people project themselves as dreamy, soft-hearted partners. Everything about the way they flirt promises a lovely time. Theirs is an elusive charm -- they are sweetly playful, a little moody, and perhaps a little irregular. They appreciate romance and poetry, and they prefer to "feel out" both you and the relationship you share, so don't expect too much planning ahead. Their sensitivity can be a little misleading at times. Yes, they are sensitive folk, but lovers may find it maddening that this sensitivity is not only directed at them, but towards all of mankind.

Venus in Pisces men and women want you to know that their love is unconditional. They are unimpressed by your status, and love and accept you for all that you are inside. They love the underdog and are attracted to wayward folks, or those in need of a little help. With their romantic view of the world, they can be unreasonably attracted to states of suffering and martyrdom, so they easily get into the role of saving someone, or being saved. Unlike Venus in Libra, which thrives on equality, Venus in Pisces is actually turned on by inequality! They can be rather confusing and hard to pin down as they feel their way through their relationships. As much as they may want to, they find it hard to commit. Many do end up committing, however, at least on the surface.

Pleasing Venus in Pisces involves enjoying tender moments and romantic times with them. You won't always be able to count on them. In fact, you can be sure they will stretch the truth every once in a while. But remember they do this because they fear they might hurt you, and they can't bear to cause you any heartache. Try to understand them, although that's never an easy task considering the fact that they don't always know themselves. And, truth is, some Venus in Pisces privately have a love affair going with the idea of being misunderstood. Try to put up with their apparent lack of direction in the relationship -- they are so receptive and open to all possibilities that it is hard for them to commit to any one thing, idea, or even person. These intriguing partners will reward you with a love that is accepting and comes as close to unconditional as humans can get.

My Personal Ad Bio: "I will love you for you. I will accept you. Even if the rest of the world thinks you are unlovable, I will see you for what you really are."

I was looking over my profile, and noticed at the bottom that it said I am less sloppy than other users. Hmmm. Now, in general I think their conclusions about who I am/what I'm like are pretty accurate... But in this instance, I just had to laugh out loud. I mean, yes, I've known one or two people whom I am less sloppy than. But I find it very hard to believe that less sloppy should be a characteristic that stands out. Really, ask Brian, Less and Sloppy should not be together when describing me.

Now now, I'm not a total slob. And I do prefer my environment to be CLEAN, but I find it incredibly difficult to keep my personal space from being covered in papers, clothes, and other randomness. Some of it is desired- I couldn't live in a perfectly neat environment, I think I'd go insane, I need that "lived in" look. But yeah, if you can't see the floor, then I agree, something is wrong.

I'm trying to make my way in the world. Constantly redefining who I am, what I believe, and who I want to be/ what I want from life. I believe greatly in personal freedom and personal responsibility (and other such tenants found in existentialism, buddhism, etc). I am also a seeker of harmony and tend to shy away from most conflict, no matter how insignificant. That doesn't mean I don't hold true to my beliefs, just that I save potential conflict for matters of great import.

In the middle of May my husband and I will be driving ~2,000 miles with all of our animals to NM to begin a new life. It will be nice to shed constraints that those who have known us for years (often) unknowingly put on us with their ideas as to who/how/what we are. A great freedom and relief comes with moving to a place full of people with (fewer) preconceived notions about you. I will be starting grad school for Occupational Therapy at UNM in the fall, with the end goal of working with kids with disabilities after graduating.

I'm somewhere inbetween and introvert and an extrovert. I enjoy others' company to an extent, but also need time alone. Being around a lot of people can either energize or drain me, depending on many factors. Regardless I love meeting new people, establishing close relationships (though it often takes a while to get past my shyness), and learning from virtually everyone I meet.

I'm a part nerd, part tom-boy, w/ a large portion of dorkyness thrown in. I love to be silly, love to dance (not well), etc but take a while to be comfortable showing that side of me to others (unless I'm already in the company of such a friend... then its hard to contain!).

So, at this point I don't plan on using this feature... I do have a livejournal with the same screenname. Nothing too exciting, mostly mundane posts. Occassionally I'll post about musings, or something interesting I read/heard/etc and feel like discussing..

I also have a myspace... and AIM... and yahoo... all with the same screenname.. but I'm rarely on the messengers anymore. So the best way to contact me is just to email me on myspace or here..