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31 Oakland, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 8:00pm
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Atheism, and laughing about it
Aquarius, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Japanese (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Writer. I write right. Artist. I art artsy. Friend to small animals, lover of beverages. I have a mouth, two eyes, a nose, ten fingers and ten(ish) toes. Mmhmm.

I think a hallmark of a strong relationship is each person knowing how the other likes their eggs.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I published my first novel a couple years ago. Ever working on that second.

During my day hours, I work for a local university breaking up their subjects and predicates.

I left the diet, drugs, and income sections intentionally blank on this profile because what are you, my mother?
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Clearly, and I think we can all agree here, writing OkCupid profiles.

In other arenas, I not-so-recently worked a shift at a kissing booth. Customer feedback was overwhelmingly positive... though certain male visitors did register concerns about lack of enthusiasm. Complaints in this regard were handled swiftly by an eager friend on the booth's customer response team.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
They notice that when I walk in a room, this starts playing...

Though, admittedly, lately, it's been more...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
*Ahem* Favorite books, movies, shows, music, food, AND drink.

Favorite: The Crossing by Cormac McCarthy, The Third Man, Boardwalk Empire, Beach House, Kalamata Olives, and a Pimm's Cup.

Most Recent (as of right this very second writing this): Of Time and the River by Thomas Wolfe, The Grand Budapest Hotel, True Detective, Shlohmo "Rained the Whole Time", a cucumber, turkey, and cream cheese sandwich on oatnut bread, and a tom collins with home infused earl grey gin.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My endocrine system

My central nervous system

My circulatory system

My digestive system

My lymphatic system

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Women, naturally... and women naturally.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Having a drink with you, of course. Am I late? Oh god. First there was this thing at the office. Here, let me take your coat. You wouldn't believe it. We had to fix this whole series of... You weren't waiting long, were you? Okay, good. Well anyway, then BART was packed, and it was just pandemonium, and... Is that our waiter? Let me flag him down and get us some drinks. Waiter! He sees me. Anyhow, you look great. New color of lipstick? Change your hair? Something. Well you look wonderful.
I tell you, I am bushed. Should we start with a cocktail or are you feeling more like a beer? Oh! Hello, waiter. I'll have a gin and ginger with half ginger beer, half ginger ale, and a lime, on ice, please. Water also. Still will be fine. And dear, what are you having?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I was just not-so-recently featured on a blog featuring hots beards & butts. Sadly, it was for my beard. Someday.... someday....

I once invented (and played to fruition) a 'strip' variant of Scrabble that works surprisingly well. Nope, not kidding. Strip Scrabble is what all the kids are playing these days.

My fridge currently contains a bottle of $100+ champagne next to a few cans of Pabst. This might be the most illuminating fact on this profile.

Addendum: All you Bay Area profiles that say you're sapiosexual... I just immediately imagine you looking at butts.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are a smart babe with a funny streak.

Also, the goal of all this is not to message until we feel like it's not a total mistake to meet up... The goal of all this is to chat and determine if we're excited by the prospect of meeting each other. I've encountered some real negativity from this site over the past while, and honestly, nothing good can be born of jaded ambivalence. Message me (or message me back) only if the act gives ya a little thrill and excitement over what could be. BOOM.

ADDENDUM: As a man dating on the internet, I’d like to present how women approach or respond to me (ordered from “at worst” to “at best”) via the following GIF essay:

outright dismissal:

sheer terror:

hostile suspicion:

moderate suspicion:

curious suspicion:

amused suspicion:

I realize the Internet is full of male shitheels. Best I can say is: I'm not one of them.