“Scratch a man and you get a monkey real quick” is specifically what the old man with the chalky blue eyes said, and it didn’t much matter if we were standing on the edge of a pitch and putt in Los Feliz or if he was talking about The Big One or whether he thought you would have to eat raw food because the smell of cooking might get you killed and really nothing much mattered as I shook his hand and took three steps toward the car before he turned back and said, “Maybe you’ll end up here too” and though the words that came out of my mouth were We’ll See, I was like “What?”

I fix adult websites when they break.

I also like writing and learning.

darts, poker, computer-related problem solving, and causing people to see things differently*.

* not always desired/welcome.

I don't know the answer to this question but I promise to conduct a short, informal survey and to report my findings in this space.

Update: Frequent stalkers of this profile might note that I have failed to carry out this experiment. That might lead one to presume that I am a liar, or that I do not keep promises. This is just a blurb on an online dating website profile, baby. Things will be different with us. I would never lie to you. C'mon, you know I wouldn't lie to you.

Glamorama, Cat's Cradle, Long Hard Road Out Of Hell, Positively Fifth Street, The Road, Choke, The Dirt.

Out of Sight; Big Lebowski; Clueless; 28 Days Later; House of 1000 Corpses; Double Impact; Monsters, Inc.; Synecdoche, NY; Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai; The Cooler.

black dahlia murder, black eyes, method man, t. rex, glassjaw, drive like jehu, les georges leningrad, krallice, skid row, the paper chase, lifetime, opeth, suffocation, big black, melt banana, beulah, the thermals, every time i die, marilyn manson, the dodos, mahavishnu orchestra, bobby conn, les savvy fav, jfa, milemarker, brainiac, dirty projectors, the aislers set, sam cooke, behold...the arctopus, erykah badu, erase errata, arab on radar, paint it black, poison the well, fordirelifesake, ghostface, the death set, raekwon, immortal, big L, junior senior, air, numbers, beach boys, deerhoof, minus the bear, biggie, ted leo and the pharmacists

spaghetti, enchiladas, pickles.

-wikipedia/google (or "internet" if you prefer)
-pasta

It was so kind of you to offer 6 things, but it turns out I only need 2. Please distribute my remaining unused items as you see fit, or if that is not possible, I'll take 1 extra internet and 3 additional orders of pasta.

probability, the future, games, brains, and universes.

Also: Ketchup packets should be about 3x larger and 30x easier to open.

just a miniscule speck in what probably would look a lot like a cloud of dust to someone much, much larger than myself.

I'm not sure. To find out, I'll post increasingly private things until I'm unwilling to admit the next thing here:

10/07: I generally wear clothing.
10/12: I have never been to Texas.
10/15: I am left-handed.

you roll dice.