Today marks the third time in 6 months, I have either dated someone or went on a date with someone, then they disappeared off the face of the world. Suddenly someone who has been online almost 24 hours a day since I met them is no longer online (someone learned how to go invisible), and the texts I used to receive on a regular basis no longer come. There is no explanation, and no reason as to why I'm being ignored, I just am. So I've thought about it a little and there are a couple reasons this could be. 1)All three people were in horrible accidents and have been in a coma since the last time I talked to them. 2)All three people I annoyed the shit out of, and the thought of having to talk to me one more time was unbearable. 3)All three guys were total douche bags, who didn't have a big enough set to say "Something didn't work out, and I'm not interested in seeing you anymore."

So here is my question, going on the assumption that they didn't like me anymore, and didn't want to date me any longer. How hard is it to say "I'm not interested anymore?"

Say it with me boys: I'm not interested anymore.

One more time: I'm not interested anymore.

Now in Finnish: En halua sinua enää.

Great work. Just for those who care, my ego prefers to believe they were just childish douch bags who are afraid of confrontation.

Topic One: Tips for a better profile.

Topics NOT to discuss:

~If you mention your ex in the first paragraph, chances are you are not over them. Get over them, edit your profile and try again. Things work much smoother when your heart is on the intended/potential recipient, not the ex recipient.

~ If you have 15 cats and live with your mother, that is fine, just don't say that. That is a calling card for needy losers with socially awkward tendencies. You are not needy, you are loving. You are not a loser, you are a free spirit. You are not socially awkward, you are introspective. Colorful adjectives, and phrasing are pertinent additions to any profile. Your goal is to not scare them away, before you even talk to them. You have plenty of time to do that after you have met.

~Although text speak/IM speak is fast and easy, it makes you look and sound like a blundering idiot. Try your best to use proper grammar. www.dictionary.com is a wonderful tool. There is even a synonym and thesaurus section for people looking to smart up their profile a bit. Note: If there is a little red line underneath a word you have just typed, chances are you are either reverting back to either text speak, or the word has been spelled incorrectly. Right click the word underlined in red and it gives you options of possible spellings. If you are still unsure please go to: www.dictionary.com

Pictures:

~No one wants to see a picture of you with a gorgeous/handsome counterpart. Pictures alone or pictures with same sex only.

~Please don't throw gang signs. Even if it is the peace sign you still look ridiculous with your lips pursed and your hand on your chest. Also the sideways hat has to go. I apologize.

~Pictures of the upper torso area (ie: chest in male, breast in female) although sometimes nice to see does not convey a positive message of finding a prospective mate. Please leave your clothing on. If you are dead set on having a torso picture please keep in mind skin is in when the situation calls for it. Swimming, hot days at the beach, roofing, camping et cetera. You in the reflection of your bathroom mirror does not constitute a legitimate reason to be naked.

Topic Two: Tips for Finding the Right Person.

Everyone has required criteria when searching for a potential mate. Please keep in mind no person is going to match your specific specifications. I have sorted traits of potential mates into 3 groups. The first group being the most important group, the second and third group being less important. If possible base your absolute needs on one thing from the first group, and only 1 from the second and 1 from the third. Also, keep in mind: Just because they smoke, does not mean they don't want to quit or are trying to quit. Just because they don't have religion does not mean they don't want religion. Just because they drink, does not mean they are a drunk or vice versa. If the thing can be changed, keep an open mind. Things like children and a third eye can not be changed. If it is your required criteria that they only have 2 eyes that is your loss. Note: Your most important qualities may differ from this list. The point to take away is that an open mind must be kept when finding that special someone.

Group One: The Most Important

1. Do they have or do they want children?

2. Do they have a religion and how serious are they about it if at all?

3.What is their physical appearance? (Based more on height and weight not facial structure of hair color et cetera. If you are a short male who would prefer a shorter female or vice versa. If you prefer a teddy bear instead of a skinny person.)

Group Two: Not as Important

1. Do you share the same interests?

2. Are they looking for the same or similar things?

3. Do they have a job and/or goals in life?

Group Three: Not as Important (Remember: The following things can be changed.)

1. Do they smoke?

2. Do they drink?

3. Do they like to party? Whether too much or too little is a scale you will have to determine based on your interests.

This concludes the Tips for Dating Online post.  If you have any questions or comments please leave them. Remember your manners if you please. Also, I am aware there are more than likely several grammatical errors. It happens. I apologize in advance. Have a good day.

*AC/DC as in works either way. Tips for both male and female. Not in reference to the heavy metal band hailing from Australia. Props to Angus though.

Disclaimer: Following these tips are not guaranteed to find you the woman or man of your dream.  Most of these tips are in reference to the search for a long lasting and/or serious relationship. Booty calls were not considered in the making of these tips.