(i haven't been online)

p.s. I don't frown all day long; i just take cameras too seriously- social anxiety.

I've been around here for i think ten years now, so the first thing you should know is I'm fairly certain I'm here until they make me pay. I have met so many people, it would be safe to assume that if i disappear all together, i've had a breakdown.

If you wrote me in march/ i'm still returning mail from February- i fell behind again after my grandmother died. if it was before that and you are still paying attention, let me know. it's just that around January was when i started managing this all better. please don't let that stop you from writing. most of the mail i receive is from people who don't even notice i'm poly before they write. (update, now in march)

I'm here because i am a social person with that social anxiety. I am here to make long term tribe mates in a world filled with people who think they can live on an island of separateness. I am very skilled at gathering tribe mates, and okcupid is one of my tools. i believe that every single person i interact with is important right now and holds a message and vice-verse.

I will share that I am an alien. I do not fit it here, or there, or there. it's sometimes a shame because i feel sad about it and wish for the comfort of normalcy... but there are other times when this gives me charm, they say. i see often that it gives some people something radical and trans formative to experience, but the truth is, this makes me just that much more nervous of people.

I sometimes disappear it's part of my persona. I just came back out of a cave and i just remembered that I was a star and had forgotten that the light came from within. I can feel my energy coming back now, and i am working on unblocking it. so, i'm ready to go out again. a lot.

update: I'm going out a lot... if i meet new people, they must be aware that i am probably not 'available tomorrow'. or the next day... or the next. My dance card is full with me things and people things, and I'm not lonely~ I'm rushed. I can make some time to meet people if i work at it- i love people. I like to have a lot of different kinds of friends and meet people in person. I also only have one boyfriend right now, so I am dating. My fiance has 2 other gf's. sciencegirl and gothkitten i think... i'll add them here some other day.

I'm counter culture in seattle where there are a lot of us in a several communities... though i've been hiding in my dark cave painted black.

Relationship status:
Fiance known 21 years, together 6 this time.
My other affairs are open to limited discussion; but not for my profile.

p.p.s
I'm hardcore permanently poly, and i have only bad feelings towards the institution of monogamy. I'm sorry if this offends you.

june 2012:
June:stalking you
It's not personal, I'm just hungry.

March 2013:
I'm practicing my radiance, and I need a couple humans nearby to radiate on.

Making community calendars; problem solving; reverse engineering random things/ideas/etc;

Helping monos convert- or at least i have a history of ending up in the situation and handling it well. I'm an old-timer at something at the age of 34. I started this journey when i was 13, and have wanted no monogamy since i was 24. I had a couple tries in between, but the only one that worked out is my fiance whom is 100% converted now. I think it's lovely that he volunteered he would "obviously still be poly and unable to go back" if I and his other two all died together.

Actually i am so skilled at relationships that i can make it work with just about anybody, including the more relationship-challenged individuals. i'm like, the poly freaking matriarch, man... and i'm very experienced. For me, the "right person" doesn't exist. The people in front of me now are the important ones. all this 'right one' crap is just a fairy tale spun to sell you washing machines and tv dinners as well as diamonds. My decision is simple, live life next to a particular person right now or not. and no matter which decision you make, you still don't have complete control. you can promise the moon, and try your damnedest it doesn't mean you'll succeed. And these days people just prefer the easy, convenient way out over a little work.

I am allergic to modern relationship cliche. i'm convinced it's a crock, no more- all of it, and i'm totally going to laugh at you every time you expect me to take it seriously. i don't have to "figure out what i want", i was never lost in the first place and who i am will change with each new experience and connection. i guess i'm being an alien again because you people are all weird. *throws head back and laughs merrily*

i should write more of those later. the one i'm trying to figure out now is "take it the next level" wtf?! am i a mario game or something? you don't choose what level your emotions are on you control freak. i'z confuzzled. modern dating is just weird, ya'll lost it somewhere didn't you. hehe. silly silly monkies. next level... where on earth did this language spring from suddenly? i'm tempted to write a book.

dear in headlights... more attractive in person because animated/laugh/smile... not all serious faced for real. knocks people off scripts from abnormality... is an alien.., is a freak, though usually i hear in a charming quirky way.

planning to answer for real this time... in time.

books: history, psychology, nature, culture, science fiction
stranger in a strange land
TV: no
music: kPop, goth, ebm, industrial, world, drums,
specificly: big bang, the cure,

if I can't live without it then perhaps I'm choking on attachment again.

oh my! I don't have a SEXUAL fetish with corpses people; I'm just one of those weird goth chicks and you're just taking me too seriously. Do you really think someone who was into such things would be so obvious about it, i mean really. COME ON people! *tsk tsk*

*everything in great detail 24-7-365.

needs new questions.

I'm hard on myself.

lately? out or exhausted...

I keep going on dates with boys who want friends with benefits relationships where i invest 1-3 days a week in seeing them. this is insanity- my fiance sometimes doesn't even get that. I understand this is probably due to so many mean girls turning sweet boys against relationships but i only have a limited amount of time to invest my dear.

you meet people in real life for reasons other then just getting some.