I’m gonna try something different here. Instead of trying to show you what a great guy I am (or at least think I am), I’m gonna tell you all the things you probably wont like about me. If it doesn’t turn you completely off, then you should definitely get a hold of me because it could only get better!!

So let’s see, where to start. I am not athletic. I need to lose about 30lbs and I am working on it, but progress is slow. That’s not to say I’m a total lard ass, there’s muscle under there and I can lift anything I need to lift (and I’m real good at carrying things), but I’ve definitely packed on some pounds since high school. I have Fibromyalgia, so constant physical activity isn’t always an option for me. Furthermore, I am in pain almost every day. I usually don’t complain or show it too much, but I do have bad days where I am pretty much worthless. On those days I’ll definitely be asking you for a back rub or anything you can do to help me feel better. You’ll score major points if you offer to help before I ask. Frankly, anytime you’re down I’m going to do whatever I can for you, so I kind of expect you to do the same in return.

I am a very picky eater. I like meat and potatos. I like pizza. I like chicken pot pie and lasagna. I don’t like most veggies, though I am trying to expand my horizons on that one. Onions give me terrible heart burn. I will probably do most of the cooking (not that I will complain if you want to cook), and I am pretty good at it, but if you want onions or mushrooms or anything like that, I’ll have to make them on the side for you. I don’t like Chinese, I don’t like sushi, and I don’t like sea food. Don’t try to make me eat them, you’ll fail. Save those for when you have a girl’s night out.

I am not fashionable. I wear jeans and t shirts. Sometimes I wear the same pair of jeans several days in a row. That’s how jeans are best. I don’t particularly like wearing clothes, so if we’re staying in, expect to see me in pj pants, boxers, or less. If we’re home alone, I consider the place to be clothing optional. There is room for compromise on this, but you’ll have to accept that you’re not only going to see me naked when we are having sex.

Speaking of sex… I like it. I like to do it a lot, at any time of day. If we go more than a week without it, I will get moody. If we go more than 3 weeks, I’m gonna see it as a red flag that something is wrong. I’m not afraid to initiate, but I appreciate it more when you do; I shouldn’t have to always make the first move. I do like foreplay, almost more than sex itself, so expect a lot of it. I like going down, and I think I’m good at it, so you can look forward to that. I want the favor returned, though, even if not every time. Extra points for the infamous “un-reciprocated blow job…”

I am very affectionate. I like to cuddle. I like to kiss hello and good bye (and many times in between). I like to hold hands. I like PDA as long as it is tasteful; nobody needs to see our tongues. I like to spend a lot of time together. It’s quite possible that I border on being clingy. I can give you space, but you might have to ask for it. When I feel it, I like to say “I love you,” and will do so often. I like being introduced as your boyfriend; it shows me you take pride in being with me.

I have been cheated on a lot. This will show in my behavior. I do get jealous, but I do not get violent. If you are flirting with other guys, it will make me worry. Just because I trust you doesn’t mean it isn’t scary. I may need reassurance from time to time that you dig being with me.

I complain a lot (dont worry, not about you). It doesn’t mean something is necessarily wrong, I just like complaining. I am a typical Aquarian and over analyze damn near everything. I am in touch with my feminine side, and I might tear up if we watch a sad movie. You’ll probably see me cry at least once, and I refuse to be ashamed of that. Crying gets the sad out.

I am not homophobic, and I am accepting of other religions and beliefs, and I dont really consider myself racist (and I dont understand white supremists at all). But I do suffer from cultural bias, I guess you could call it. I think if you are going to live in this country, you should speak english. I think teenaged black girls are the loudest thing on the planet (ride a bus sometime, you'll see what I mean). I think the morbidly obese people riding the scooters at the state fair wouldnt be so big if they'd just walk once in a while. I think a person can be smart, but people are friggin idiots. This is not based off some preconcieved notion of race or color, merely an attitute tainted by experience.

Trying to figure it out. I am currently bouncing at a st paul nightcluband while this is by no means my dream job, it helps pay the bills until I find something better. I am also in a living situation that is less than ideal, and it will be a few months before I am able to move out and remedy that situation.

In the meantime, I am pretty busy looking for that better job, working on some carpentry projects, and trying to get better about playing my guitar more and doing more writing because im really starting to miss that whole band thing.

Lets make this section “what im not good at.”

Im not good at small talk. This can make social situations awkward if I don’t know everyone. I usually come off as shy and withdrawn, but really I just don’t have anything to say. Im smart enough, and have a bit of wit, I’m just not always very outgoing.

I’m not good at knowing why you are mad, or what you want. You’re going to have to tell me. I was raised by women and I still cant read their minds, that’s not going to change with you.

Im not always good with communication. Im always open to it, I love talking about “us,” but sometimes things don’t come out the way I mean them. Understand this now and be patient. Make sure you understand what Im saying before you get offended.

Im not good at always being positive. I get mired down by negativity pretty easily. Kiss me and tell me it will be ok and I’ll probably cheer up pretty quickly.

My eyes... they are deep grey or blue (depending on my mood) and quite striking. Definitely my physical feature I am most proud of (and maybe a little cocky about). The long hair is usually pretty high up there, too.

Books: Totally into the harry potter series (ya, im a dork, I know. But if you are, too, i know we can have some interesting conversations about it). Mostly into fiction, but I'm not afraid of learning something every now and again, either. Last book I read was Darkly Devoted Dexter.

movies: Theres lots of movies I like, but theres also lots I don’t like. Im mostly picky about comedy and horror. I don’t like Will Farrell or the Wayans brothers (damon is ok), and I cant stand the new breed of teen comedy. Nepoleon Dynamite was horrible (though I liked the benchwarmers, oddly enough), and I refuse to watch anything with “Harold & Kumar” in the title.
I like action, good horror (read: NOT japanese), drama, suspense, etc... Im a nut for John Cusack, and a sucker for romantic comedies. I dig pixar movies, I think wall e might be my favorite. Id say my favorite movies would be High Fidelity, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and nowhere.

TV: The Office, Dexter, Heroes, Family Guy, Robot Chicken, the History Channel, Good Eats, and just started watching the first season of Battlestar Galactica.

Music: Im a snob on this one, I'll be the first to admit. I used to work in a record store and it goes with the territory. While I am a self professed metalhead, my tastes do vary widely. Outside of metal, I dig the foo fighters, Counting Crows, Great Big Sea, frank Zappa, Film scores, classical, etc. In the metal world, I like it melodic: dark tranquillity, amorphis, moonspell, lacuna Coil, anathema, edguy, etc. I dig thrash, too, and well produced black metal, but the melodic stuff is where my heart is.

Love. Im unhappy without it, but with it I can face anything
games (except for the mental variety)
hope
music
top 5 lists
Cigarettes, though I might try to quit soon

what ever aspect of my life is causing me the most discomfort at the time, and what i can do to improve it. Questions that I'll never have an answer for. What lessons i can take from my past mistakes. The state of socio-economic recovery in russia and its effect on Scottish shepherds. When I have a girlfriend, I spend a lot of time thinking of nice things I can do for her, how I can get her to jump my bones, and just her in general

These days, normally staying home, hanging out with friends playing board games, or checking out a band.

I read cosmo from time to time. Pleasing a woman sexually is an art, and with the articles about how they please themselves.. well, knowledge is power. I also have a hope that it will give me insight into how a womans mind works, but so far that hasnt happened

you can deal with everything you saw above, cause thats the worst of it. it can only get better from there.

you're into melodic metal like Amorphis or Anathema, or you even know who those bands are.

you'd like to be my practice buddy for brushing up on my full body massage skills.

You believe halloween is not a day, but a state of mind, and the decorations should be up year round.

***Recommended ice breakers: Subtle plot points of the Harry Potter Series; whether it is really necessary for the government to pass increasingly stupid laws to protect the "public health," thereby turning this country into a "Nanny State;" why the europeon hard rock/heavy metal scene is so much better than in the US; the Dexter TV series; Halloween Decorations; tarot; massage; or anything you would like my opinion on.***