I will not make you gag or flinch when looking at me for the first time.
I have a history degree which has done me nothing but spout out obscure facts at random times. For example, the Battle of Hastings was one of the sweetest battles in history, as in it was totally sweet.
I make a pretty good tour guide to Seattle's world of pure imagination.
I have an encyclopedic knowledge of 80s music videos, go on ask me anything about Tears for Fears, Lita Ford, or Courtney Cox's role in the He-Man movie.
I have never had to visit the food bank or the free clinic.
I have never had a restraining order against me.
Should be prepared for radness.
Should be old enough to order a drink or three at a local dive bar, but young enough to not be collecting Social Security.
Should have no visible deformities, but a third eye would be kinda cool.
Should love to go see a metal show at the Showbox or wander around an art gallery and make fun of all we see.
Should not be crazy, unless it is in a good way.
Should not mind if I skip a day shaving.
Should have an unhealthy obsession with pirates, webcomics, 80s music, microbrews, or some other unique aspect from popular culture.
Should want to visit Panama one day because Van Halen once sung an awesome song about it, or maybe because it is warm.
Finally, if you are using a free dating site you should have a sense of humor about it.
Soooooo drop me a line and see what happens. I'll take you to some fancy eating restaurant, you know one that does not have ketchup in a packet, but in a bottle.
Still not convinced?! Okay, time to bring my A game.
I'm taller than Tom Cruise.
I'm younger than George Clooney.
I'm cleaner than anyone in Motley Crue.
I'm smarter than Vin Diesel.
I'm more emotionally available than Batman.
I'm less hairy than Robin Williams.
I'm more stable than Charlie Sheen.
And I dress better than Matthew McConaughey. Alright, alright, alright.
What's not to love?