Message Her

Join OkCupid

Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match —% Friend —% Enemy

crazy_fun_chic

29 / F / Straight / Single

Kansas City, Kansas

Her journal posts

Chivalry...

Nov 20, 2009

How many people say it’s dead and gone. I’ve said it. You may have said it too. But maybe we should ask why. Maybe it’s not gone, maybe it’s just no longer required. Maybe the standards of reality and modernization pry old fashioned values from the grips of the mental demand without the physical follow through. Can you even define it anymore? How about the physical side alone? So many count how soon to sleep with someone in dates instead of, heaven forbid, the emotional commitment matched directly to the hormones you fight so much quicker. Remember when people used to wait until marriage, or close before sharing such a intimate level? So chivalry is really only left by the way side waiting to be picked up by a random emotional hitch hiker or the few and far between gentleman raised against the constraints of today. How many females would sleep with a guy to keep him around, when maybe the guy should be willing to wait to keep her around. Who sets the pace here? It’s that every guy I’ve met on any physical or emotional level has always been more willing than I. Always ready and wanting the next step physically and always putting it on me to set the pace. Me to say no, repeatedly even. Them being the one to push the level. To try one more step, one more step, one more level, just a little further, just one more try, though 5 minutes ago I drew a line. Why must I give up a portion of me without the individualism being accepted to. What do I mean? I mean everyone has sex organs, my brain and my heart is what sets me apart. Why not have the rarest thing accepted before giving up the easiest most common?

I have been pushed many times. I have even been controlled against my will for one to obtain his physical goal and so he, The One for Me, will wait. The door shall open to my heart as he opens the door to the restaurant and the car. Sex is easy. Everyone does it. Who has something real? Something undoubted? Something unconfused and purely clear? To know. Old fashioned... sure... but knowingly so.

How many people say it’s dead and gone. I’ve said it. You mayhave said it too. But maybe we should ask why. Maybe it’s not gone,maybe it’s just no longer required. Maybe the standards of realityand modernization pry old fashioned values from the grips of themental demand without the physical follow through. Can you evendefine it anymore? How about the physical side alone? So many counthow soon to sleep with someone in dates instead of, heaven forbid,the emotional commitment matched directly to the hormones you fightso much quicker. Remember when people used to wait until marriage,or close before sharing such a intimate level? So chivalry isreally only left by the way side waiting to be picked up by arandom emotional hitch hiker or the few and far between gentlemanraised against the constraints of today. How many females wouldsleep with a guy to keep him around, when maybe the guy should bewilling to wait to keep her around. Who sets the pace here? It’sthat every guy I’ve met on any physical or emotional level hasalways been more willing than I. Always ready and wanting the nextstep physically and always putting it on me to set the pace. Me tosay no, repeatedly even. Them being the one to push the level. Totry one more step, one more step, one more level, just a littlefurther, just one more try, though 5 minutes ago I drew a line. Whymust I give up a portion of me without the individualism beingaccepted to. What do I mean? I mean everyone has sex organs, mybrain and my heart is what sets me apart. Why not have the rarestthing accepted before giving up the easiest most common?

I have been pushed many times. I have even been controlled againstmy will for one to obtain his physical goal and so he, The One forMe, will wait. The door shall open to my heart as he opens the doorto the restaurant and the car. Sex is easy. Everyone does it. Whohas something real? Something undoubted? Something unconfused andpurely clear? To know. Old fashioned... sure... but knowinglyso.

Chivalry...
An image of Kivuli Out of sight, out of mind. There are too few actual examples of it, so few people still try to do it.

Kivuli commented on Nov 20, 2009

"I mean everyone has sex organs" - i never dreamed i'd see this day

A former user commented on Nov 20, 2009

An image of REB_Wolf Not dead. Just not practiced as much any more. There are one or two of us still out here. As time marches forward, more gets dropped by the wayside. It's a shame. I was one who opened doors all the time. I still ususally do, but I have been condemed for it. Told, "I'm not weak. I can open my own door." I never said YOU were, I was just being nice. Like I was raised and believe is right. Not to demean; but to show respect, care, and concern. I don't open doors just for women. I open for children, elderly, those with their hands full. I don't just open doors. I stop to pick up something someone has dropped. I offer aid to someone in distress. As far as intimate physicality, yeah I really enjoy it. But I need to connect with someone mentally, then emotionally first. Otherwise I don't enjoy it and get distracted with thoughts of "Why am I doing this?" and even regret. Not that it happens often, but it has. I'm looking for someone to connect with on all levels. But like you, for me it really needs to progress in a certain order. And for me right now it is hard for me to get anywhere, I have lost much faith and trust in people...women in particual. I am working my way through this. But it is hard to trust and believe. REB / Robert

REB_Wolf commented on Nov 20, 2009

An image of cwalla I'm a firm believer in equality but like most human beings I want to be treated in a special way sometimes...well, most of the time! I think generally, traditional gender roles suck! Back in the day, guys were opening doors and all that but that "special" treatment was was often accompanied by condescension and chauvinism. I resent the fact that women think they are doing a guy a favor by letting him give her some attention! In regards to the sex thing, I just think you don't want to wait a few months and start liking someone or even fall in love with them only to find out they suck in bed or have a very small penis! I just think it's practical to see what you are getting kind of early! It's nice you have quaint, idealistic, old-timey views of male female dynamics! I hope you find your knight in shining armor!

cwalla commented on Nov 20, 2009

An image of crazy_fun_chic REB_wolf, without getting into the fundamental differences between men and women, I think the difference between you and me alone is that while you wish to make sure you have compatibilities physically/sexually before investing I am not worried about my performance (not saying you are) but I wish to make sure I have the mental and emotional levels met before investing my heart and body into something. This isn't a debate... it is simply MY truth as we each have our own. Good luck to you as well. I have met a number of "knights in shining armor" but life happens and sometimes it prevents relationships.

crazy_fun_chic commented on Nov 21, 2009

An image of crazy_fun_chic ok that was to cwalla I guess... got mixed on the names at two in the morning

crazy_fun_chic commented on Nov 21, 2009

An image of REB_Wolf Yeah, I don't claim to be a knight in shining armour. I have been knighted actually, but the I have more flaws than the traditional knight in shining armour arche type. I was trying to say that the mental and emotional levels must be met before investing my body into a relationship. REB / Robert

REB_Wolf commented on Nov 21, 2009

As I read and re-read your journal I don't think that you are so much asking about the status of chivalry as you would really like to understand why YOU have to be the one to set limits on how far and how fast you go to what is too often seen as the ultimate prize for men and boys. The simple answer would be that it is a symptom of the general decline of our society. But that would be a copout... And it wouldn't answer your question... I'd like to say that you've just had a bad run of luck where you've met a string of jerks... But... The truth is, there have been times when I was the jerk... I had a goal and I was going to go as far and as fast as I could. And I put the "responsibility" on the other person to draw the line of where "we" would stop... The idea that I was being unfair or just an everyday jerk never occured to me. That's all well-and-good you say, but it still doesn't answer the question why??? Speaking from my own experience, I was stuppid. It never crossed my mind what my actions were doing to the other person, the "object of my affectations"... I've spent a lot of time thinking how I would reply to this question. I think I just had an epiphany... It's a sign of a lack of respect. A lack of respect for themself and for there partner. There was a time when a young man respected the lady of his interest or he wouldn't want to be with her. It seems that respect is no longer a factor... Well, not often enough anyway... This feels like sort of an almost answer, not really the real explaination.

A former user commented on Nov 27, 2009

An image of crazy_fun_chic As for an answer, I never felt as though I was posing one to recieve a real answer but yes, lack of respect is also something I put one in the other, chivalry, respect, so on... and I don't feel it as I should. I can tell you that twice in my life, and one of those truly, I felt unpressured. He thanked me for not sleeping with him so soon as to not confuse things and we had a good thing while it lasted... That was the best feeling. to go at the rate of my personal emotional connection and it made our steps that much better. Each step was amazing in itself and instead of feeling like the guy was worried about what he wasn't getting, he was truly happy and we REALLY enjoyed the things we WERE doing. and eventually EVERY step was taken and every step was great and unrushed with no second thoughts later or in the morning when the hormones wore off. and yes i realize that i think about things differently, not only between male and female but between a number of females I've talked to about this topic... but that's what makes life grand, diversity.

crazy_fun_chic commented on Nov 27, 2009

I say..... Koom by ya!

A former user commented on Dec 17, 2009

I've found that a lot of them women that I talk to who aren't wiling to sleep with someone right away, do it as something to flaunt, a carrot in front of a muel if you will. I think these women are disgusting, worse than a common whore. Or it is a matter of "righteousness" or religious zeal. Now I'm not going to argue that any person has the right to choose when and with whom. And if the decision to not is based on those things that is their choice and no means no. I will follow the pace either way, at least for the night and then I would probably stop talking to them. But for me to realy respect a woman and her pace, it has to be about enjoying the experience of getting to know someone, about consistency with what they want and what they are willing to do to get what they want, and it has to come with a touch of respect and compassion for the other party because I assure you, I don't want to sleep with you right away, but when it is OBVIOUSLY a game, and a woman will turn around and flirt with the next guy after telling me their boundaries, all I can think is that they really just want the attention. So I must completely disagree that Chivalry is dead. But the rarity is two fold. Women willing to respectfully and gracefully recieve it are hard to find. And there are fewer men displaying the attitude. In general I think people have just lost the value and understanding of relationships. And yes, I have gone through some dark moments in my life, and since I am human and not perfect I will likely make another mistake, but I can assure you that for every mistake I make I get it right 5 to 10 times. And in time, the mistakes become less significant, and less frequent. But until then, I will be looking for sincere women.

A former user commented on Dec 20, 2009

An image of crazy_fun_chic -you have obviously not been meeting the right women. And if you think that I might be one to play these games you obviously didn't get anything I had to say. I never said Chivalry is dead, if you read, I said it is no longer required, as women lower their demands and respect for themselves so in turn it is only natural that it diminish. If I wanted attention I assure you I wouldn't be sleeping or dining alone... I am searching for the connection, something real. and maybe because I was raised that sex is ultimately for married couples who share a higher commitment, I am emotionally attached to that very act. Now, being completely honest and blunt, I love touch in any form, i love be physical and have fun in so many ways including sex but it's back to what I said, the emotional connection matching everything else. simply put I'm not "a lot of them women" who you talk to. It MEANS SOMETHING to ME.

crazy_fun_chic commented on Dec 20, 2009

I believe it more a matter of understanding what your standards are and making them clear in the first place. Chivalry is actually a two way street. People often forget relationships are in fact two people respecting each other enough to coexist and interact. If they care enough about each other love is what develops out of that. My sensei Soga use to say all the time that honorable men and women were a dying breed. Not becuase people dont care but becuase people tend to choose the easiest path in life and we as a culture and society no longer choose to hold ourselves to a higher standard. So what it really comes down to is what you choose to accept in life. Be it love, the people you asciate with or the very desires, intentions or motivations that you allow to compell your decisions. Chivalry only dies when a person chooses to accept a standard or behave in a manner that is not true to who they are or what they want and believe in life.

A former user commented on Dec 23, 2009

I think we just made the same point but from different sides of the argument: Me having experienced the women who don't respect their selves, and you seeing what it has done to many of the men who do respect their self. I have a great deal of emotional attachment to sex as well... hence why it has been quite a while. I am rather selective... it's amazing how many women lose interest in you when you dont try to get in their pants... its rough on the social life as well... but it has turned out to be well worth it. :)

A former user commented on Dec 23, 2009