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criscojones

27 M Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:03am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Taurus
Education
Job
Other
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
Bullet points? BULLET POINTS.

- Avid runner that likes telling gravity to suck it.
- obsessed with bouldering, which is basically rock climbing without ropes, and is the bees god damn knees.
- Make pizza so good that it should require a Surgeon General's Warning to account for the possibility of having blown the eater's mind. I always have dough and sauce prepped in my freezer in the event that my friends are hungry at 3am. I host many mid-morning dinner parties.
-You really shouldn't need anything after that pizza shit, honestly.
Ran out of bullet points? RAN OUT OF BULLET POINTS.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm currently finishing up a Creative Writing major at UW and paying my way through school tending bars at an awesome brewpub that let's me act as ridiculous as I want. Been recently considering a double major in Geology because I am secretly 8 years old and love dinosaurs, but the idea of having to go through a completely separate path kind of makes me want to cry and watch every season of the Gilmore Girls back to back.

Am also trying to get my foot in the door with stand-up comedy, because I feel like that's the natural progression of anyone who was the star class clown of 5th grade. Most of what I do in my life boils down to one singular intention: to make someone laugh and/or happy. It's the reason I love making terribly unhealthy cupcakes and pizza for people, as well as why I attempt to write things that make people smile.
I’m really good at
Cupcakes + Booze.
Pizza.
Cheering people up when life sucks.
Playing hot lava.
Jumping high-fives.
Jumping low-fives.
Jumping reversal corkscrew-fives.
The first things people usually notice about me
I wear my hair in a sidebun often, which elicits some really entertaining responses from people uncomfortable with asymmetrical hair on dudes and/or some awful repressed Punky Brewster memories. This can be best described by a two line interaction I had with a schmammered sloppy making out lady who had just realized I had cut her off:
"Hey. Hey, fuck you you side pony fucking son of a bitch. Fuckin' side pony. What is this. What are you, HUH. Fuckin' pony. Side pony. WHO DOES THAT"
"You really aren't helping your case right now."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Kurt Vonnegut is my literary hero and one of the reasons I started writing in the first place.
Also - Eggers, Sedaris, Adams, David Wong

I watch a shit ton of movies and dig everything with an emphasis on comedies, since they're something I aspire to write for in the future. That being said, I am particularly a giant nerd for all of the old Henson movies, and can do the voices for most of the characters. Which I practice, alone, in my apartment. Which is only vaguely depressing. Like a three on the depressing meter. Four, tops. Some stuff: Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, UHF, Big Trouble in Little China

Arrested Development, Sunny in Philadelphia, Flight of the Conchords, 30 Rock - don't have cable but have been trying to get myself into a new show through Netflix every once and awhile BUT THERE IS JUST SO MUCH. OVERWHELMING.

I buy/listen to/play so much music that I wouldn't know where to start with any of it, so I'll say this: music is a thing happiness is made of, like pancakes and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and is a big part of my life.
Band you should check out: The Jezabels. Intense aussie-indie rock.

I went to culinary school years ago, which ended up turning me into some sort of ULTIMATE MEGA FOODIE that will eat everything. Except Circus Peanuts. Fuck Circus Peanuts. Indian and Thai food in particular make me want to do a jumping fist pump.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How my Aunt Beth still thinks I’m an idiot just because 20 years ago I accidentally ate dirt because I thought that it was delicious crushed oreo cookies. LET IT GO, AUNT BETH.
On a typical Friday night I am
Baking - For the last 5 months I've been making treats for my work - cupcakes, cookies, etc., and call it 'making people fat Fridays.' It makes me happy. It makes them happy. It is a good deal.
Out with friends
Covering a shift at work
Checking out local bands
Exploring Seattle
Getting all up in whatever creative shit I am feeling at the time.
Making dinner and either A. Watching some pretty wonderful Netflix movies, or B. Watching some pretty wonderfully awful Netflix movies - like that one with Jean Claude Van Damme where he wears ripped jean shorts and has a tussled mullet that looks like it’s been marinating in Crisco for the better half of a decade. I think he shoots someone with a bow, too.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I often spend time in front of my mirror making faces and talking to myself thanks to an overexposure to physical/impressionist comedy as a kid. Which, honestly, is only really weird when somebody accidentally walks in - because, shit, then I have to explain why the lights are off and why the bathrooms lit with Target brand scented candles (Raspberry Passion) and why I’m not wearing any pants.

That the mailman is probably the closest thing I have to a girlfriend right now, as he’s “accidentally” seen me naked AT LEAST seven times.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–30
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
- you're okay with that whole laughing thing
-you're cool with someone making you ridiculous amounts of food
-you have any questions on pachycephalosaurs and their fused membranes.
-pizza