Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
UPDATE: this profile is so old that Brendan Fraser was still
relevant when I wrote it (GET IT hahahhh because seriously I'm
pretty sure he's dead right now)
Bullet points? BULLET POINTS.
- Avid runner that likes telling gravity to suck it.
- obsessed with bouldering, which is basically rock climbing
without ropes, and is the bees god damn knees.
- Make pizza so good that it should require a Surgeon General's
Warning to account for the possibility of having blown the eater's
mind. I always have dough and sauce prepped in my freezer in the
event that my friends are hungry at 3am. I host many mid-morning
-You really shouldn't need anything after that pizza shit,
Ran out of bullet points? RAN OUT OF BULLET POINTS.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm currently finishing up a Creative Writing major at UW and
paying my way through school tending bars at an awesome brewpub
that let's me act as ridiculous as I want. Been recently
considering a double major in Geology because I am secretly 8 years
old and love dinosaurs, but the idea of having to go through a
completely separate path kind of makes me want to cry and watch
every season of the Gilmore Girls back to back.
Am also trying to get my foot in the door with stand-up comedy,
because I feel like that's the natural progression of anyone who
was the star class clown of 5th grade. Most of what I do in my life
boils down to one singular intention: to make someone laugh and/or
happy. It's the reason I love making terribly unhealthy cupcakes
and pizza for people, as well as why I attempt to write things that
make people smile.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cupcakes + Booze.
Cheering people up when life sucks.
Playing hot lava.
Jumping reversal corkscrew-fives.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I wear my hair in a sidebun often, which elicits some really
entertaining responses from people uncomfortable with asymmetrical
hair on dudes and/or some awful repressed Punky Brewster memories.
This can be best described by a two line interaction I had with a
schmammered sloppy making out lady who had just realized I had cut
"Hey. Hey, fuck you you side pony fucking son of a bitch. Fuckin'
side pony. What is this. What are you, HUH. Fuckin' pony. Side
pony. WHO DOES THAT"
"You really aren't helping your case right now."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Kurt Vonnegut is my literary hero and one of the reasons I started
writing in the first place.
Also - Eggers, Sedaris, Adams, David Wong
I watch a shit ton of movies and dig everything with an emphasis on
comedies, since they're something I aspire to write for in the
future. That being said, I am particularly a giant nerd for all of
the old Henson movies, and can do the voices for most of the
characters. Which I practice, alone, in my apartment. Which is only
vaguely depressing. Like a three on the depressing meter. Four,
tops. Some stuff: Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, UHF, Big Trouble in
Arrested Development, Sunny in Philadelphia, Flight of the
Conchords, 30 Rock - don't have cable but have been trying to get
myself into a new show through Netflix every once and awhile BUT
THERE IS JUST SO MUCH. OVERWHELMING.
I buy/listen to/play so much music that I wouldn't know where to
start with any of it, so I'll say this: music is a thing happiness
is made of, like pancakes and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and is a big
part of my life.
Band you should check out: The Jezabels. Intense aussie-indie
I went to culinary school years ago, which ended up turning me into
some sort of ULTIMATE MEGA FOODIE that will eat everything. Except
Circus Peanuts. Fuck Circus Peanuts. Indian and Thai food in
particular make me want to do a jumping fist pump.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How my Aunt Beth still thinks I’m an idiot just because 20 years
ago I accidentally ate dirt because I thought that it was delicious
crushed oreo cookies. LET IT GO, AUNT BETH.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Baking - For the last 5 months I've been making treats for my work
- cupcakes, cookies, etc., and call it 'making people fat Fridays.'
It makes me happy. It makes them happy. It is a good deal.
Out with friends
Covering a shift at work
Checking out local bands
Getting all up in whatever creative shit I am feeling at the
Making dinner and either A. Watching some pretty wonderful Netflix
movies, or B. Watching some pretty wonderfully awful Netflix movies
- like that one with Jean Claude Van Damme where he wears ripped
jean shorts and has a tussled mullet that looks like it’s been
marinating in Crisco for the better half of a decade. I think he
shoots someone with a bow, too.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I often spend time in front of my mirror making faces and talking
to myself thanks to an overexposure to physical/impressionist
comedy as a kid. Which, honestly, is only really weird when
somebody accidentally walks in - because, shit, then I have to
explain why the lights are off and why the bathrooms lit with
Target brand scented candles (Raspberry Passion) and why I’m not
wearing any pants.
That the mailman is probably the closest thing I have to a
girlfriend right now, as he’s “accidentally” seen me naked AT LEAST
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
- you're okay with that whole laughing thing
-you're cool with someone making you ridiculous amounts of
-you have any questions on pachycephalosaurs and their fused
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